|Reviews for its only the begining|
| R. M. Williams 12/3/10 . chapter 1
M... I like the concept and the character appears to be a good one, but that is just the surface. Seeing as how you've marked this as complete I am rather disappointed if only because I was hoping for a well-rounded, involving and much longer story instead of one chapter that merely brushes the top of a plot.
One tip I'd like to give you though is about your writing style. It's a common style and no offense intended but that is just what is wrong with it. It is what I like to call a "then" manner. You tell instead of showing and while I believe it's sometimes necessary to do that, there's a better way to write the story. Try describing an action rather than just saying it or maybe adding a few details to the tiniest of things. (i.e. just adding the words "cold" or "soothing warmth" or "absolute and completely founded panic" could draw a reader in more).
Keep writing though. You've got ideas.
R. M. Williams