nya ha! i love it! nice friends w

it's Liz btw

hayo! awesome! so far i love it, hee hee you made a Mrs A refrence... lol this george must be REALLY scary if he beats Mrs A in beaing nasty _

Good chapter. I love Shay's friends. Is it bad that they remind me of some of mine?

Poor Bryan, trapped in a world he doesn't know, but strangely attracted to it at the same time, this can only lead to much comedy, and confusion, possibly ending in a calamitousness catastrophe. I'd have to agree with Shay's friends, starting him off on those types of manga might not be a good idea... Another fun comical chapter, and I look forward to more.

This is intriguing. I very much like the Cid character. Was he kidding at the end? Update when you can!

This was very good too. I won't ask, but I do hope you have more to post soon. I am wondering why Cid is asking her to run away with him? He was kidding right, are the other two with him? won't he be surprised when he sees Bryan. lol

This is a great start to what sounds like a very interesting story. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Wow, I have to say, I'm really impressed by this. You really bring the world and the characters to life here while not bogging down the story so much that you don't advance the plot. Great job with the humor too, so many great moments. Like Shay realizing she accedently switched to Japenese, I thought she meant to do that. I need to watch more Black Butler too, but that's off topic. Overall, a very strong opening, and if there was more, I'd gladly turn the page. I'm not normally a fan of romance, but this is off to a great start.

Hm...George, Bryant...I mean Bryan, and Shay reminds me of someone named Stacy for some reason that you may or may not know... A good first chapter, and despite the familiarity of some of the characters, it's interesting seeing you write in this new world. You have a good start here, though you did start to lose me through the parts describing the characters. I can really relate to Shay, such as waking up to relieze I hit the off button on my alarm instead of the snooze. Time for chapter two!

While it's a little disappointing to hear you won't be posting any more, you've got some entertaining material here. Shay's a likeable and relate-able protagonist, and you plant just enough information about her in the first couple of chapters to keep the reader interested (who's Stephen?). Likewise with Bryan. Right now he seems kind of closed-off, but at this point in the story, that's really more fun.

Don't overdo it on the appearance descriptions. A little information about what your characters look like is OK, but you tend to go into a lot of detail about what they're wearing, too. Unless their dress is a major plot point, it's really not that important to let us know.

Also, nonetheless is one word.

But - other than a few minor issues, you're off to a good start. Good luck with the contest.