|Reviews for Pick Me Up|
| lost in pale blue 3/25/11 . chapter 12
All of the tension between them is driving me crazy! In the best way, of course ;D I agree with Melissa that it seems Grayson is wanting to get to know Craig a little better. Especially after everything he just told him about Elise. And poor Craig is trying to be a friend and not just jump him :D
This story has me biting my nails!
| raravis 3/25/11 . chapter 11
Oh cliff hanger! Grayson's such an interesting character. All of them are, but with him I have no idea how he's going to react or what's really going on with him and Elise.
I really like this so far, all of the characters seem very realistic, which is rare to see on fictionpress.
Can't wait for the next chapter!
| Cattails 3/24/11 . chapter 11
I am in love with this story. The character relationships and interactions are just excellent and endlessly fascinating. Maybe because they all seem to be realistically flawed? And kudos for having such an original plot! Can't wait for more
| Wanda Walker 3/24/11 . chapter 11
Dude, I story alerted this seeing that it had been last updated in January. I thought I would be lucky to get a new update in another six months. And yet I look at my email the next day and voila! A new chapter! IT MUST BE MAGIC. Or else I'm just telepathic.
The best part of this story is Melissa's portrayal. She's really her own person, and after reading so much slash with the obligatory female friend who has no personality to call her own, it's very refreshing. I also like they are above the age of twenty, because as someone above the age of twenty, I get really sick of high school stories. DX
Grayson is hiding something, I know it. *peers suspiciously * Suck it up, Grayson! I'm glad that Craig finally had the balls (or the blood alcohol level) to finally lay one on him. Grayson was asking for it, the slut (lol).
You should have more reviews, yo. Fictionpress is awful at recognizing writers with actual talent. :/ Probably because everyone is fifteen . . .
Love it. :) Hope you keep updating. No pressure though. :p
| lost in pale blue 3/24/11 . chapter 11
I just discovered this and am really enjoying it. I love Craig and just want to cuddle him for all of his relationship problems.
I'm glad that Paul seems to be out of the picture because I couldn't get a handle on him and never warmed up to him. Maybe that was on purpose. In any case, adios, Paul. You won't be missed!
Grayson confuses me so much. I want to like him, and I do like that he at least tries to be friends with Craig, but he sends so many mixed signals. Sometimes it seems like he's into Craig, but then he sets him up with his commitment-phobic friend instead, which was kind of douchey. At least that he didn't warn Craig about Paul possible freaking out at some point and passively dumping him. And his relationship with Elise is all messed up, so is she just a beard?
I'm rambling now, so I'll wrap this up by saying that, now that Craig has kissed Grayson (and thrown up on him), I can't wait to see what happens next :)
| Midnights Scream 3/24/11 . chapter 6
Interesting. I really didn't see that happening. The bluntness of these people is highly amusing though. great job! :)
| Midnights Scream 3/24/11 . chapter 4
Awh. Poor Craig and feeling all depressed. Can't say I blame him though with everything going on. I'm curious about Grayson. Is he really straight? Great job!
| Midnights Scream 3/24/11 . chapter 2
Ah. Poor Craig and finding a guy...who is about it get married. Melissa is a bit of a drama queen...or at least appears so. Maybe she does have not so nice parents though. great job!
| Divanora 3/24/11 . chapter 11
Wow, that's a shitty way to break up with someone. Poor Craig. Though maybe it would have been nice if Grayson had mentioned the whole parent-phobia before the trip. Or maybe he didn't want to for...personal reasons? ;P
Glad to see this story's not dead, hope the next chap is soon!
| jshortcake 3/23/11 . chapter 11
I'll be honest; I forgot about this story when you weren't updating.
But now I'm wondering why, because I just like it so much. I like your writing style, it's clear and humorous and concise and you don't include constant reminders of what color a certain character's eyes or hair is.
Anyway, about the chapter... Damn, Paul! Didn't see that one coming. I thought Craig would get over Grayson and he and Paul would ride merrily off into the sunset together, but hey, if Paul's got family issues, then so be it! (I was actually semi rooting for Grayson, anyway, just because I like those stories where unrequited love becomes requited or whatever)
I also like Craig. He's a cool guy. I'd want to be his little sister, just so I could bug him nonstop in that way that only siblings can.
I think I'll cut myself off there before I start to ramble too much. Thank you for writing! :D
| Ezekiel Finch 1/2/11 . chapter 1
I think I'm going to take you up on your "front page offer." :)
I can clearly tell you had fun writing this. When you write like you're bored, it's no fun for the reader. When you write like you're having a party in your head, it really translates over to the feel and energy to the piece. This story is a little whimsy, it's a little kitschy, it's a little corny, but it's a lot of fun.
There are a few awkward sentences that just need some quick fixing.
"It's not like I forgot that my parents are coming to town! Come on, I've been busy. My office just relocated halfway across town, I've had to double my gym visits because you're getting dumped every other week, and—"
"It's not like I forgot that your parents are coming to town! I've been busy. My office just relocated halfway across town, I've had to double my gym visits because you're getting dumped every other week, and—"
"—been eating ice cream and watching bad romantic comedies with you when you show up at my place crying."
"—been eating ice cream and watching bad romantic comedies every time you show up at my place crying."
She screams out more thank-yous as I dodge cars to the taxi, and I ignore them as best as I can. People in cars honk their horns as I squeeze between them, but I ignore that too. My eyes are set on that taxi, because if I get to work late again and have Melissa to blame, my boss isn't going to slap my back and call me a stud.
She screams out more thank-yous as I dodge cars the angrly honking cars as I squeeze between them to get to my taxi. If I get to work late again and have Melissa to blame, my boss isn't going to slap my back and call me a stud.
"I don't know." I say, hitting buttons on the keyboard as one of my supervisors wanders through.
If you want something silly you might want to do something like:
"I don't know." I say, rolling my palm over the keyboard, (which looks like working right?), as one of my supervisors wanders through.
Or if you want something not so silly:
"I don't know." I say, pressing random buttons on the keyboard as one of my supervisors wanders through.
This line seems really confusing to me. Because I'm not sure what she's aiming for, you might want to re-word it to something with more clarity.
"A man-date? Jesus—Are you sure you should be—"
This line just sounds wierd. Elaborate or just cut the part about the parents' minds.
"I haven't had time to learn his entire history or anything, and besides, knowing the inner-workings of his parents' minds would be way weird."
This line is a little clunky which blocks the awesomeness.
It can only be a good sign. Any man that isn't willing to talk about his uncle over any meal definitely gains points from me.
Clean it up to something like (but not as lame-sauce):
It can only be a good sign. Any man that isn't willing to talk about his uncle over a meal earns ten achievement points.
My other critique is that we aren't totally solid on these character's appearances. I wish I knew how normal Craig looked so that I can say to myself, "Hmm, his Dad has a really strong gay-dar." I know that he's not a flaming hot mess of homosexuality but being handsome is really hard to imagine since it's such a general term. It might be that you resolve this problem later in the story and it's too early to say but I'll keep an eye out for that.
Other than the occasional awkward sentence, this piece is a lot of fun. It's silly and funny and not overdramatic.
PS: Would you do chapter 1 of Vignettes of Oddities please?
| firestar267 1/1/11 . chapter 9
This was a brilliant read! The characters all feel really real and well developed and it was humorous and well written, I can't wait for more!
| Poptart Guava King 12/31/10 . chapter 9
POOR PAUL. Despire his unsexy name i feel sympathy! xD
| AJ715 12/30/10 . chapter 8
Love the story so far and I can't wait for the next chapter. Update soon please. :)
| Poptart Guava King 12/29/10 . chapter 8
Oh goodness. Can't he just eat/drink in peace without someone asking about sex with Paul? Although I'm surprised someone with the name Paul is having sex. Seriously, the name in itself is a turnoff (thats my opinion of course). If my name was Paul I'd change it. One syllable names are good. If you really want to know why one syllable names are good I'll tell you next time you update ;)
I promise its something inappropriate. :D