|Reviews for Earth|
| AppleCrumble 9/27/11 . chapter 1
This is so good! I love peices about our planet and about who beautiful it is! Well done! :-)
| MickiMoo 7/14/11 . chapter 1
nice. I like it. :)
| uniquely-unique 3/26/11 . chapter 1
The imagery this poem creates is so beautiful.
| Mylilblackpen 2/2/11 . chapter 1
| K. Molle 1/1/11 . chapter 1
I'm off on an early afternoon review spree today. I love to see others who offer a kind review and that is how I found you. So because you have given a piece some love, I will offer my love to yours. I have an odd reviewing style, I like to paste the poem into my review and comment as I read along. I hope you don't mind.
This Earth is our world,
Rich with green and blue life, *I would remove the word 'life' I don't feel it's needed with this line.
Of rapidly moving oceans, *here as well I would ditch the word off and stick with the simple statement.
And trees ever so green. *what about something more like 'And forests bursting with color'. the line you have now doesn't have the same passion as the ones before.
This is the destination of the population,
In other worlds this unbelievable Planet is what we live for.
*I would again remove 'In other worlds' and I even think that 'worlds' should probably be words. When you get a bit wordy the poem loses shape.
So let the sun rise over the mirrors of our hearts, *mirrors of our hearts...I like that its an intersting image.
Let us see that this place shall always be our home,(;) *a bit of awkward wording in this line.
this is earth.
And as magnificent as the planet is, *take out 'and' here and stick with 'as' as the opening
This is our home of color filled skies. *I would try other words here and give it some life.
Protecting our world,
As the water runs through our eyes, *eyes? what if you tried souls instead.
We welcome the world to the land of hope,
The land of an unbreakable bound(bond) of water colored peace.
Very good idea for a peam you had here. With the removal of some unneeded words it will flow easier and have more of an affect on the reader. However, it is still a very good concept and I enjoyed the read.
| SargentLooneyPencil 12/27/10 . chapter 1
WOW! WOW! WOW! it's all i have to say... it's magnificent... your choice of word capture my attention.. your work amazes me... great job!
| Insanity Streak 12/27/10 . chapter 1
I always think some of the simplest poems are the best. I think this is one of those. You have some very catchy lines such as "This is how home of colour filled skies" and the last line.
There are a few grammer errors, only minor ones though. In teh eighth line, I think there is a word missing or something. "Let us see this place shall always be our home." In between 'place' and 'shall' there should be either one of two things: 1. Let us see this place (THAT) shall always be our home.
2. Let us see this place. (IT) shall always be our home.
Another error is the eleventh line. you wrote 'sky's', it should be 'skies' The way you wrote it has the meaning of ownership, that the sky owns something (yet you didn't specify what) and 'skies' has the meaning of plural which I think your trying to go for.
This is a very sweet poem. Keep writing.