This looks interesting and humurous already! You've certainly intrigued me. I'm excited to read the rest now.

Love,

Charlotte

S'okay if this chapter wasn't all that long, not a real problem. In fact if there is a balance of chapter lengths in your story that's good. You can't always have a long chapter or some people will know exactly what to expect in a sense. Where as writing once in a while, a slightly shorter chapter surprises them. Great job!

Hope you post new chapter soon!...

i believe you alreadt know that skotos is a greek word. And I am Greek! D Anyways, I liked the story so far. Your storyline seems really interesting as well just be careful not to be very complex on how you produce the plot because the reder might get lost. Keep writing! You have the element of fantasy and you have the skills. Just work on them ;)

Nice start and finish to this chapter. I like how everything flows and how you introduced the Tarot Master was great. A great chapter start to finish and I'm looking forward to the next one!

This is really a GOOD start and I am so excited for the next chapter!

This shows quite a bit of promise and is off to a nice start, and there doesn't seem to be any grammer mistakes. There are soom great moments with the writing, some better than others but all round a nice start and I am interested to see where this goes.

I'm sorry, but it's sort of hard to tell what it is that the story is about. I read it over and over about 3 times, and am still quite unclear as to what is happening.

You need to go into at least a little bit more detail as to what will be happening in the story, as in like the character doing something new, because i'm sorry to say, i sort of lost intrest, and didn't understand what most of this have to do with anything...

Try foccussing on main points, I mean use this talk about a stack of cards to start with, but I feel that you should add something that reels the reader in, makes them want to read more, as in something they're missing of some sort, that'll make them want to read on.

I would happily read more of this, but I just had these thoughts. update more please! ]

This is a very good intro to your story but it's shortness is a little put-offing (if that's even a word) I don't usually read stories that only have a few short paragraphs for the first chapter since more often then not the chapters that follow are just as short. I understand how you wouldn't want to lengthen this, because it is just an intro, but try to keep that in mind for your next chapter. Or you could even use this (as I've seen other people do) as an intro to the first chapter altogether and simply place the chapter below this.

Um, other that this I can't find much to help out with, you already have a strong voice. I would like to point out that this would not keep me reading. If I had stumbled upon this story on my own I would have read this and just dropped it after reading because I don't see anything to tie me into a story it's just a random quote at the moment. You want people to place this on their alert lists so try to keep that in mind too.

I just left you a really long review, and then my internet screwed up and I lost it. I'm really pissed off about that, but I'm also pissed off that I spent forever on a review for a story I didn't even like and I explained very well WHY I didn't like it and why I REALLY didn't appreciate the review request you put in your review for me. But it's gone now, and I'm in a bad mood, so here are the basic points:

I didn't like your story because your language is bland. It sounds like you're trying to achieve a stereotypical fantasy narrator and give us some flowing, fancy, big-worded prose, but it only comes out stilted. I read your profile, and I think that may just be the way you write, which is fine if you're just a beginner, because everyone has to start somewhere, and I'm sure all of my favourite fantasy writers sounded like this at one point. So keep writing. Work on making your authorial voice stronger and more individual. Take note of what makes other authors' writing sound so good and apply it to your own writing. I noticed on your profile that you said this story is finished at like 52 chapters. So I hope that this is, then, not as good as the rest of the story and that it improves. However, I won't be reading the rest because this held no interest for me.

This stilted way you write also disturbed what I assume was supposed to be humorous, which made me like the story less. Eating tarot cards could be very funny, but here it just came off as a little... silly. In a bad way. So working on your authorial voice will also work on your delivery of humor, hopefully.

And, last off. Don't request reviews in reviews. Like, I have done it before, back when I'd just joined FP, and generally speaking it doesn't even get you good reviews anyway. People just write, "I like it, update soon" and think that's an acceptable review. I'm an exception, because when I leave a review, I leave a REVIEW, whether I liked the story or not. And I'm honest and I don't sugar coat, and I explain my opinions to the best of my abilities.

Originally, this review was twice the size it is now, and when people leave me reviews that long, and as helpful and honest as I try to make my reviews, I don't mind reviewing them in return. However, you left me a few vague suggestions. And your review was nice, don't get me wrong, but I didn't want to read this story. The summary held no interest for me and I was right in not wanting to read it, because I didn't like the story either. So I feel somewhat blackmailed into giving you a review, and no one likes feeling that way. In fact, when people ask me to review their stories in a review, I generally just reply with my thank you and ignore that part of the review. Because, on this site, a thank you is quite enough, seeing as most authors don't even have the courtesy to give you that.

I'm really grateful for your review, but I didn't like your story, and I won't be reading the rest. I wish I hadn't had to review because I'm pretty sure this came off as super bitchy because I'm now in such a bad mood. The original review might have sounded a little harsh, because when I review, I can't help be brutally honest. This wasn't intended as a flame or something to hurt your feelings. This is just my opinion, which, was always, you're free to take or leave.

Hope I was helpful,

Alora

This sounds really good, can't wait to read more!

Interesting premise you have here. I'm interested in finding out what the character's opinion is since he's explained everyone else's. ;)

I liked the prologue and you have me interested in seeing where this story is going. Fascinating the many things you can do with a Tarot deck, even eating it haha.

Very interesting prologue. You have a nice style of writing, even if this was quite a cryptic way to open a novel. I liked the line about eating a deck of Tarot cards, tehe.

These two phrases didn't make much sense:

[One of my colleges at the college...]

[...variation is what makes that makes...]

Also, I was about confused about how blackjack and poker could be played with Tarot cards, but I might just be being stupid.

Other than that, I have no qualms, and I'm intrigued to find out what follows this opening. I'll be looking out for updates! Happy writing,

-J. Berry