I really like this world you've created, and the description of the fairy queen was handled really well. You manage to build up the tension and mystery, and I'm eager to see who this guide is. Overall, I thought it was a good chapter. The only thing I noticed was;

[Lore was immediately worried, and her stomach twisted with a new tension that entered her body] which, personally, I think could be more effective if you take out the worried part; "Lore's stomach twisted..." might have a bit more of a punch, and I think from that the reader should be able to tell she's worried? As always, it's just a suggestion. Anyway, keep it up and I look forward to seeing more of this.

A really interesting chapter; I think the ending is quite effective and the description works really well as she is drawn further and further into the fairy world. The only thing that I'd suggest is to do with the character's reactions to Daria; ["She is hilarious!" Lore said, clutching her stomach and laughing so hard she almost began to cry] Show the reader that she is hilarious; I felt that lore's reaction was a bit over-the-top considering what we'd seen so far, and it would be more effective if you take it out. Show, don't tell, kind of thing.

Although I do like the last line, I think you can change it slightly to give it more of a punch. [It wasn't until she realized that the scenery around them had completely changed that she figured out that she'd been led into a fairy ring...that put her face to face with a fairy queen.] could be shortened to "Lore realizethat the scenery around them had completly changed, and she figured out that she had been led into a fairy ring, in order to be put face to face with the fairy queen."

But yeah, overall some really good stuff here and I'll be reading more soon as I can.

In general, I have fallen in love with this world you created, where fairies and humans live alongside one another. From the POV of a human, it is amazing how your fate is interwined with creatures you didn't even know the existence of.

Would most definitely anticipate Lore's real family and the aim of her "journey" to be revealed (sry, afraid I'm slow at hints).

Understanding it is still quite early in the story, I still have some questions:

How powerful can the fairies be/ how are they divided in their powers?

Do her current human friends have roles to play in Lore's "journey"?

How do fairies actually go about in their "daily" lives?

I would like these questions may be answered (if possible) as the story progress.

Hope this review is helpful?

PS: If you happened to return this review, I would request that your review to Genectrols: DGeneration be SPECIFIC to either chapter 8 or 9. Thanks

The Roadhouse,

miragex

I'm excited to see who her mysterious guide will be. I liked your description of the fairy queen, but I would have liked more on the setting of their exchange. I think you accidentally cut a piece of there! Again, I look forward to finding out more about this guide. Romantic interest, perhaps? Oh... let there be romance, I'm a sucker for romance!

I like how you ended this chapter, keeping it in suspense and reintroducing the fantastical elements. I know right now you're just in the process of writing it out, but in editing you might want to consider combining the two different scenes here into one and elongating the party scene so it introduces her friends there. It might make it open a little snappier!

Anyways, I look forward to what's going to happen next!

I'm usually not one for the typical fantasy stuff (elves, fairies, the like) but I found your opening her very atmospheric and gripping. You juxtaposition of the glowing house and the desolate woman really was powerful and came through in the writing. I think you're on to something here, and you should definitely continue it.

Arreana

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. It's a fantasy/romance story! *screams* YAY! This should be good! (Sorry, Im kinda obsessed with these types of stories)

The only problem I have so far is the italics since it kind of made it hard for me to read, but aside from that, everything is pretty much flawless. From the very first paragraph, I fell in love with your descriptions. *Sigh* It sounds so graceful and sophisticated. Gah, I love this.

I wonder what the era is? You always put the space/underscore... And the title of this story is 'Untitled'? Are those connected?

I really do like how you seem to have created your own world and so on. Even though its the start, I can already tell this is really imaginative and deep. Anyway, loving the story so far!

RH

Amazing story! Love the prolog, although I could have done without the italics. They kinda made my eyes hurt. The only other thing is that I can't seem to pin down the time period they're in. Most of the story seems to point towards the 1300's or so, but bow and then something pops up to make me think otherwise. Anyways, great story, solid characters, and great style! I give you a 9/10!

The detailed descriptions keep the story flowing nicely, yet there are still some things that bother me, like;

'the babe's name once he'd entered the house, he had no idea how he knew the babe's name at all.'

Repetition. babe's name. It sticks out quite well on long sentences.

I really like this - it builds up a great hook and you introduce some really interesting concepts in a short space. It might just be a personal thing, but I don't think it needs to be in italics - it makes it just a little bit too difficult to read.

I love the name Lore, and the way you describe the fairies hovering around the women. Wonderfully written, and I look forward to seeing more.

ah, like a folklore. Written perfectly.

I like the storytale feel of it, and the idea of races different that human. I can feel an epic saga coming on! Good luck!