Liked the way you bring the reader in to feel like one is there experiencing the same environment.

I like this story. Wish u'd make his a story...

I like how you use the girl's other senses to describe what's going on. Great detail with this. It's easy to read- the type of thing someone could read for a long time without getting bored with it. Also, it felt calming while I was reading it. Good job with this! :)

Dang bro that is aawweessoommee! its amazing how you stuffed all that detail and intrigue and metaphors and similes and all the good stuff. I mean i know it's short but still a wonderful perspective. I mean dang bro! amazing!

-EscapeTheChair