I must admit, I was a bit intimidated by the poem before the prologue/intro but I'm glad I continued reading on. Since the intro is so short there is little that I can say about it.

Personally I think it would look nicer if you centred the poem at the beginning of the story before the introduction.

Also: "Something heavy in the air today, he mused. Something ominous."

It's a bit direct for foreshadowing. It's probably better to describe the scene and going-ons in order to show us that something different is happening and make us feel that sense of foreboding ourself as opposed to simply telling us that there's something ominous going on.

Otherwise you have a very nice writing style, and excellent description. I particularly liked: "His own army was a drooling, hairy lot, but they served their purpose well." It made me smile. )

To the next chapter!

Jax C.

so what is the story Danten's telling? Are we gonna hear it next chapter?

Yeah ha that's what I'm wondering. What is the relation between Amrae and the Guardian? I bet we'll find out eventually, and when we do I wonder just what it is...

Another great chapter, and I definitely look forward to more.

Loved it as always :) I think you've got a really good flow, even with the seperate POVs and such. It still moves really well, and I'm enjoying every bit. Still loving Amrae, and Ida...I don't know, he's just kind of naive and sweet. Dean is interesting, and Danten? Well, he's just fun to read about. Anyway, I'm wondering if those people helping Dean sent the crawlers, it would explain why they're going after Ida. Great stuff!

lol, that little bit with the spider made me like dean a little more, he's so not smooth. Please write your next chapter soon :)

I really like Amrae; she's an interesting character and I like how strong she is. She manages to stay calm in the situations she's found herself in and she's pretty likeable. Great job on her character. Then again, I pretty much like all your characters. Another really good chapter; the flow and pacing work well together and you're building it up really well. Loving it.

Another interesting chapter; I think it worked really well. The Boss seems interesting, and I'm eager to see what arrangements he sets out for them. And, hmm, what has Dean got himself into? I like how the pair of them have this knack for getting into trouble, it adds humour to it and as I've said before, the humour in this works really well. Overall, a good chapter.

As always, I think you get the humour spot on - it really makes me laugh. I love Dean's ignorance when they question him about the inn, and the interaction between the characters, especially Danten near the end, works well. The only suggestion I'd make is rather than having, ["...Right," Danten said,] maybe take out the '...' and just have ("Right," Danten said, after a pause.")

Another thing that I still want to point out is the chapter length - I think longer chapters would work well, especially in chapters like this where not too much seems to happen. Anyway, good stuff!

lol nice way to kill the conversation russel, jeez. :D

anyway good story, cant wait for more

Ah I really loved how you made it into two parts in one chapter still, and you did it well. I enjoyed this chapter a lot, well done and I can't wait to read more.

Poor Amrae; she's going to have a lot to deal with before this finishes, isn't she? I really liked that chapter and I think, as per usual, you well at introducing characters and making them vivid in a few short lines, so nice job with that. The humour works really well, as usual, too - I found myself laughing a couple of times throughout that, especially at the end. Anyways, good stuff, will be reading more soon.

I like how we're kind of seeing a darker side to Dean here; it works really well at showing more of his personality and the lengths he'll go to to get what he wants. Good hook at the end there, I can't help but wonder what Ida's reaction is going to be. Hmm. Basically, good chapter, nice style and good pace.

Nice chapter: I really feel like you're hitting your stride here. I didn't spot any typos and the grammer seems fine. It reads well and as usual I like the style of it and the humor. All I can say, really, is what I said before; the chapters feel a bit short. Anyway, good stuff - nice interaction between the pair, and I like her reactions to him.

Amrae is going to get dragged into it, isn't she? I like the levels of humour you use; it makes it that little bit more enjoyable, and I think it helps us get to know the characters a bit more. They kind of have their own, different sense of humour, so that works well. The dialogue really worked here, and I liked the interaction between the two. I do want to make a suggestion; although you have really good cut-off points, I feel like some of the chapters are a bit short. Maybe put one or two together? Anyway, yeah, good job.

Am I the only person who has actually liked Ida from the start? I think he's an interesting character, and one I want to see make it. Anyway, that was a good chapter; there was enough action to keep the reader hooked, and you could really feel Ida's fear. I like the fact that he was saved by a female, and his reaciton to that was done well. The last line was gripping; it's not a major cliff-hanger but it leaves the reader, or me at least, with a major sense of threat. Anyway, yeah, great job here, will be reading more soon.