Geez, that's...I don't know. ),: I feel bad here...but, like I said before, the writing style's amazing, and the ending's amazing, too...my opinion-and you can take it or leave it-is that the second-last and last lines could be placed in different line breaks-i.e., you could've put them one below the other for that extra effect...pressing enter and typing a sentence on another line makes a whole lot of difference-it adds that...I don't know, it adds a touch which people truly appreciate. The content's amazing-the presentation could be worked on-but hey, that's just me.
But this was truly fantastic...it was a pleasure to read.

R.K. Iris.

I wish my english papers would give me the freedom to write such stuff-nooo, I've got to follow rules and guidelines and write those moral stories-sheesh.
But less about my sucky papers and more about this amazing story.
This is...how many marks did you get for this, anyways? I'd have given you full. And I love Jayden. Cool guy.
Going to read the next installation.
But this is truly amazing work.

R.K. Iris.

Ermagerd! That was amazing :') fanks yous :*

Intense! :O Awesome way to start a story, which I really think you should expand. The only thing to work on is your mechanics (specifically punctuation). Your use of visual descriptions is absolutely gorgeous and I love the brief flashes of detail for each character. You left me with many questions and I was very intrigued. There's definitely a fantastic story in this.

Mav