This was a very interesting piece for me. As you said, it is semi-autobiographical, so this leaves me wondering more than anything, though I think wondering makes for a very good ending. Without all of the information, you create a story for readers to imagine rather than write it out, detail-for-detail. I do like that.

Your tone is always so clear and precise. You write with a lot of similes and metaphors, which seems to be characteristic of your style, and I find it very enjoyable. Your style is obvious and this came off as an artsy piece despite the use of almost jilted dialogue.

I know, I always rave and rant about your style rather than the actual piece. Hold on.

I was a bit confused on the locations, mainly because I'm from Indiana so I wasn't too sure where you were talking about. That doesn't necessarily need fixed, it's just something I noticed...

The way you refer to the two main people in the story—I hate to call them characters, since this is something of an autobiography—as Romeo and Juliet makes for an interesting point. It applies a rather literal use to the fictional play, so I wonder if the relationship (may I call it that?) was somewhat like that of the star-crossed lovers'. Was it age, maybe?

This piece entertains thoughts and leaves a reader wondering quite a bit. Obscure or not, I enjoyed it. :)

ohsocyanide.

Your descriptions are amazing. "like the cigarette your buddy sucks on in the comfort of your sparse apartment." is a description I find very interesting. The style is blunt and sharp, but it really impacts the reader. Specific moments are described so exactly and it gives off the sense of memory and nostalgia. It feels familiar, but at the same time you're not sure you understand completely.

This was a very uniquely written piece, very memorable and I liked it a lot. Nice work! :)

Incredible! This story has a superior quality to it, the kind you don't usually find much on fictionpress. Usually, the FP writer depends on character and plot, with lots of cliches, romances, and dialogue. On the other hand, your story hinges on language, which is at once risky and demonstrates confidence. I love it. After all, why read a story that you could as easily see in a movie, if you are not going to let the text do things that the movie cannot. I loved the initial descriptions of Karama - everything from the drugs to the market to everything else that you find - I was wholly bought into the atmosphere.

Great job!

this is utter perfection.. I adore the way you write.. this is definitely a fave

The whole thing flowed really well. The last line is what I liked best, it was really dramatic. The small dialogues here and there fit nicely. The quotes too are added at a nice time! Awesome work.

x mandy

Hmm, OK, I don't really fully understand what's going on here but I did enjoy it. As always, I love the kind of lyrical style of your prose and it works well, it's captivating and makes you really wonder what's going on. The small bits of dialogue worked really well. It feels like there's a lot going on here, and although I don't really grasp all of it, like I said, I still really enjoyed reading it. Great stuff.