I also love this one. I've recently been studying form, so I appreciate your use of it in this poem. The shorter first lines in each couplet work very well in contrast to the longer lines, and it feels like a deft use of language that works on several levels.

I'm a huge fan of rhyming as well. However, can I admit that the first rhyme simply doesn't work well for me? Strictly my opinion, but the choice to use the word "fame" felt completely off in regards to the rest of the poem-not only in scheme, but in context. I'm not sure how to properly explain myself, so maybe I'm off on this one...

Anyways, I look forward to reading the rest of these sometime.

Thanks!

I'm definitely digging this.

There's just something about the way you word everything, and are both matter of fact and nonchalant, that really makes this piece work. I read it through several times just to keep feeling what it was making me feel. Very raw and real and beautiful and intelligent. The brevity works to your advantage.

I love it.

the title sums up the poem very nicely. well written

"make my castle

smash my crown"

best line!

completely agree with the authors note.

your words and the way you arrange them to say things that are so powerful just continue to astound me. great work!

i like this. short and to the point.

i find your smooth rhymes so incredible :)

LOVE the alliteration. amazing

wow this was powerful. love the word choice. keep it up, you've always had a talent with words.

rhymes don't exactly flow well,

but quite angsty as you intended

GENIUS

This is so beautiful, because it's sometimes ugly. :D jolly well done monsieur/madame :)

Pretty piece of writing. Short yet straight to the point.

Just a little incoherent in terms of flow, otherwise a good read.

HELL YEAH.

Feeling that 'salvation' poem, you muggle.

ooh really like this one. so intense