Funny names, I liked them!

It added to the mood.

Great start for the beginning, though I thought you might have put a little too much. Very good dialogue flow as well.

Very good!

StoryMonster

I was hooked throughout, this is a great chapter for the start of a story. Really intriguing plot so far. The dialogue is fantastic and pretty polished and nice. I do think that maybe you should spread out the content of this chapter though - it seems like you've put a bit too much into the opening. Otherwise, great start :)

x mandy

Good opening. I have only one complaint, and that would be just how much you shove into the first chapter. The action in the chapter’s beginning, as well as the dialogue throughout, is all very well done, but it all gets sort of bogged down with the number of names and terms you throw at the reader. I’m sure that it is all relevant information, but as far as I can tell, we don’t need to know all of it so early on. I would suggest spreading out a bit more throughout the story; if this is the only chapter full of labels, then there should be no problem with that. If all the chapters are like this, then you might want to reevaluate how much the reader actually needs to know. Let me reiterate that I very much enjoyed this first chapter; your writing is highly polished, and this first chapter definitely hooked me into your story.

Canaletto

You should know that one of the main reasons I clicked on your profile was because you were troll-facing me. I found that unacceptable!

Anyways, I really must say that you have a really great hold on dialogue (especially the latter half) as well as the action beats in the first half. You really kept me going once you got me hooked.

To grab an audience quicker, however, you might to make your opening a bit less descriptive (and less exposition) and making it a bit punchier. For example, maybe you could draw out the whole fighting bit to cover the entirety of the dream. Open with Slim & co. coming under fire or retreating. It sounds cliche, but it might really help you hook readers!

Awesome dialogue though, keep it up!