Overall the story is well constructed. A lot of the punctuation doesn't show up unless it's a question mark in the dialogue. Also, the flashback of the torture scene didn't really seem to have any lead in, making it a little jumpy.

However, I have to congratulate you on the names. Lilliana is a nice one and I think Carter is an interesting name on a girl. Even the names that are slighlty more 'generic' like Anna and James seem to stand out because they're longer.

o cliffy GR I was getting so into it then BANG! out of nowhere comes a cliffy and not another chapter:'( pleasse update soon Ima gunna Die if you dont

loves xoxo

(hehehehehe: )

Its a bit confusing from chapter 5 to 6. you might want to explain what happened here. Overall it seems like a good tale but honestly im still confused by why she isnt with demitri.

Skylinger

Much better. It's an interesting begining you have. I would however suggest you get a Beta. You miss a lot of punctuation and they can help you with polishing. Your ideas are great and you do a good job bringing the characters to life. A few changes and it would be even better.

Skylinger

Hey Black Moon. Soory I didn't get a chance to read and review yesterday. My day suddenly went crazy. I didn't even get my chapters finished and uploaded. But better late than never right? As for your first chapter...it's not a chapter at all. It's a sentance. This would work for like a summary but you need more here to make it a chapter. It can be short but at least a few paragraphs. It does however draw a reader in.

Skylinger

it made sense, just wondering how she will return to the castle keep it up it is a solid story line

great story so far i hope u keep going as it is just getting good with the kidnapping

Oh no! cant wait for ur next update, great chapter