|Reviews for Dragon Soul|
| Dynamite T 11/27/12 . chapter 1
This is very good
| ubi-scooby 5/1/11 . chapter 4
Great story love the plot
| Open your eyes Chopstick 2/19/11 . chapter 1
can i just say...i love the title of your story? Very mysterious, and although your plot seems unoriginal, the title made me think that this will be original. I was excited opening this up.
on another-somewhat note, here's my review! I've been told I'm sorta harshed, so dont be offended. Just here to help. :)
-when you have a new speaker, you have to start a new paragraph. you messed up in the beginning. For this, i'm just going to assume its fp malfunctioning, since you seemed to know about this during the rest of the chapter.
-See if you can split up Dori's descriptions, instead of describing her all in one paragraph. Insert what she looks like throughout the text/conversation. This way, it wouldn't sound like info dumping
-and in the reverse, you need to add more descriptions. Where does this story take place? Medievil times? Is it more present day? How does Dawn feel? For this, show, not tell. You did this alot.
-when Dawn is mentioning that she was "good at everything" but couldn't understand why she was so empty feeling...im pretty sure you didnt want her to sound conceited...but that's how it sort of played out. lol. SHOW us how Dawn is good at everything, without her having to tell us. Have us feel her emptiness. Again, show, not tell.
okay, good start. Dialogue was probably your stronger point in chapter one. It didn't give out too much and it wasnt info dumping with in it. Which is good. I like the names you gave your characters. Like your title of your story, even though right now the characters sound cliche, their names make me wonder what's going to be different. the name "Dawn" makes me think of dusk. Is she a more darker person than she seems to be potrayed? Is there a secret that's tied with her? Where as the name "Posy" sounds very gently and upbeat. One who could pull Dawn around with her. So good name choices. :)
If you have time, would you r&r my story "Twist of Daisy?" There's a bit of...twincest in the beginning, but it's not hardcore or anything. I hope you'll like it and tell me what you think! Thanks.