its really well written and i would LOVE if you kept it going:)

I like how you're touching on topics like these - it's something people have to deal with everyday. Anyway I'd love to read more so update!

x mandy

Wow! this storyy is soo sad! i feel soo bad for her...im glad you wrote about it though because now everyone could see the torture they were put through...i CAN'T wait for you to write moree, pleasee update soon thank you

Good chapter. I liked it :). Great job. Keep up the excellent work and update soon!

Why is chapter 3 so short? hahaha! i like your Idea for this story. It's good that someone reflected on this topic.

Your story is unique. keep it up! :-D

Please Update soon! Waiting for it is intense. XD

Interesting subject. Excellent job. Please update soon!

Very good so far. Writing about something like this takes guts. Keep up the excellent work and update soon!

well umm well that's all i got

There is some definite need for proofreading, the grammar and tense issue is prevalent throughout the chapter. Interesting chapter though. Is this going to be a short story, or a full-length one? Update!

The chapter is really interesting. It's a great start, and even though you fitted a lot of history, it didn't seem packed at all. The lack of dialogue as well didn't seem to matter as much! You've touched on a really sensitive topic, I'd love to see what you've got in mind for the rest of this story :)

x mandy

The Roadhouse

I agree with Love. Story is good so far, but the grammar is just killing it for me. Ex:

'She just turn 15 today.'

I assume you mean 'She just turnED 15 today.'

Another one:

'And she have to take her first customer. In bed.'

fix- 'And she HAS to take her first customer. In bed.'

There are a bunch of other mistakes that are similar to this that progress throughout your story. The thing is, they are pretty much all past/present/future tense mistakes. I have noticed this in your other stories too. It makes things confusing for me, as you often jump back and forth between past and present tenses in the same sentence. Example:

'Mia think back to the day, the day her father proposed...'

Do you mean she THOUGHT back to the day her father proposed?

'Mia cried, and begged her father to change his mind, but he said that it was all too late. He cannot change his mind now.'

See, the first sentence is fine. However, the second sentence switches to present tense. Basically:

Sentence 1 past tense

Sentence 2 present

Result Confusion

fix - 'He COULD NOT change his mind now.'

So, here's the thing. The story is good, and the spelling is good. The grammar, however, is all messed up. Fix the grammar, and you'll pretty much fix all the problems in your story.

Since i can't really help you correct these mistakes in a single review, I suggest that you get a better grasp of tenses. I think it would very much enhance your stories.

Excluding that, everything else is great.

Jeremy C

I like this story so far. Kudos to you for being original and writing about a topic that isn't written about very often, well, at least on this site. My only problem is the grammar is a bit off...I'd suggest reading over your writing and doing some editing, but other than that, excellent work so far.