The best story that I had read in fictionpress.

Wow, nice prologue.

the ending was not clear and too rushed. you took your time in certain unnecessary details, yet didnt expand on some juicy bits. Overall not bad spin-off of beauty and the beast, but I just feel that more romance/ experiences/ plot could have been had with our hero/heroine, and a more dramatic sacrifice in the end.

too lazy to log in...

hmm..what to say... i liked it. your characters were flawed but thats good. (except in the ending where aki played matyr- it would have been better if you wrote more bout how she reaaally felt giving up her life, though you may have wanted us readers to do more infering with your ending... which, by the way, felt a bit rushed) i didnt like, also, how you sometimes used words/phrases/expressions that people wouldnt expect to hear in japan back then. and i hated the ending. it felt too.. eh. the story, to me, felt like it had a kind of fairytale air, and i was expeecting a hapily ever after. but you were realistic, and i guess not all fairytales end happily.

by the way, i liked how you kinda brought the story of the beauty and the beast into this. wonderful. (saw it twice in this story- when aki was telling her brothers the bedtime story, and with her own situation with the dragon/prince as the beast.)

so generally, you wrote well. better than a lot of writers on fpress. work more on grammar, tenses, character development, etc etc.

ok. hope you appreciated my review.

This is a really original idea, and your writing is definitely up to the task of telling this intricate story. I'm definitely intrigued and I can't wait to read on! Keep it up! Soph xx

Dood. I loves it. Keep up the good work!

You used 'therefore' and 'however' eight times in chap 2. That's a lot considering how little you wrote.

You are way too comma and semicolon happy. I know because I used to do the same thing. Too many of either can make your writing seem choppy and it also seems like you feel like you have to add unnecessary words. TRY not to use so many interjections such as 'well', 'now', and 'you see.'

I do like how you have a background, a history on your story/characters. And I really like a story within a story.

All right, first thing's first, you need to relate this prologue to SOMETHING. I read the first little paragraph, and it sounds like rambling about nothing. Your first sentence is "How can it be said?" Well...how can what be said? And then you talk about a connection...WHAT kind of connection? See what I'm getting at? I think I see what you're trying to do...trying to get your readers to ask what you might be explaining/talking about...BUT with nothing to relate to, it makes it seem like words of wisdom floating in the wind. And what good does that do anyone?