|Reviews for Tattoo|
| HeWhoRunsAway 9/6/12 . chapter 12
So, okay I just read through everything you posted so far, and I must say, I pretty much love the story as a whole. Now, I don't think you've gotten any really in depth reviews, but I mean I think I'd like to share some of my feelings with the whole matter.
1. Tengus/Enemy Creatures
Holy crap, I really love how you put in these creatures of folklore, I hardly see anything incorporating creatures outside of western culture, so it was really cool. But, at the same time, there wasn't really any development on the fact that they were mythical creatures, it just seemed like a reason to give them wings, make them strong and able to protect Mac when necessary. Which isn't necessarily bad, it just seems like a waste of potential for them. Also, I'm not really sure what Kellan and his group were supposed to be, or why they needed James and/or Nick specifically. Are they the last of the Tengus? Are they special for some reason... speaking of which,
2. Missing Points
And how exactly did Mitch become apart of this whole affair? If his family are also of the Tengu creed, why aren't they being harassed by the Daimyo compound thingy? And, considering that they're triplets is Minka a Tengu? And why did she start out as this sort of background person and then suddenly she's a bitch, and they make it seem like she was a bitch all along, when she wasn't?
I'd also like to add in the fact, along with the Tengu thing, that we know absolutely nothing about Mitch, or his homelife or how he know when Mac was in danger during the whole rape thing (and speaking of that, Mac's Dad sort of got abandoned and never said a word about it). We have a spot light on Nick because he's the new guy so we're learning about him with Mac, but Mitch is thrown into the basement every time he takes stage, and for the people who think Mac should go with Mitch, it's... it doesn't make for a dynamic story. The Mitch/Nick rivalry could be because they're from Rival clans or something, I dunno, but it's never elaborated upon...
Speaking of which, Mac has known Mitch for years. How has he not seen the giant wing tattoos on his back? They were best friends for Peet's sake.
It seems like all the parents in the story are completely oblivious to everything. In the last chapter of Part I, Mac's parents don't even seem to question the fact that he's in the hospital. Sure they could think it all happened during the school thing, but after the fact, the school would've realized that he and Randi were gone and would've contacted their parents, so they would've known that he didn't sustain those injuries at the school.
Not gonna lie, I love the fact that this happened. Haha I liked the idea of them all being together and such but in the Part II chapters, it really seems like the only difference between them being together and them not being together is that Mac isn't hiding from them every other scene. So... I like the concept, it just feel the execution could've been better. Plus... are the getting it on? Because Nick was totally about to bone Mac... and now there are three of them... I dunno, my mind wanders.
Final - Mac and Everything else.
Obviously, the story is Mac-centric, so therefore most of the Tengu stuff and a few of the other things can be over looked because Mac doesn't really care about that stuff, because he's to busy dealing with his love triangle business. Throughout the story, Mac is constantly running away from confrontation, and given a lot of the context, it seems natural for an effeminate gay High School boy.
But that never changes. After the first 7 chapters or so, you begin to see the trend of Mac being protected by everyone. I for one, thought the by the end of the story there was going to be some realization that he runs away from everything and lets everyone protect him and that there was going to be some part where no one could help him and the he was going to have to crawl out of the mess himself and realize he should've been doing that all along and yada yada have a self awakening.
That didn't happen for him. Or for anyone really. Everyone stayed the same, essentially. No one changed for the better, or even the worst, despite all that supernatural crap, and the mom's plan hi-jacking and everything. It was just sort of "things happened and now it's back to normal except now I went from having no boyfriend to two sexy winged half people."
Overall, love the concept and ugh it was good. But again, I just think that a lot of the execution could use work.
| sdfdksflds 12/21/11 . chapter 9
I fucking really hate Macs mother.. like, alot.. with a passion..
she's so selfish and dfksahdfsdfjksdf plus she hit him -.-
Macs dad on the other-hand; he's chill, I'm okay with him.
| The Weatherwitch 8/18/11 . chapter 8
well this is interesting!
| Enchantedflame 7/18/11 . chapter 10
I'm a new fan since I just finished all of the chapters. I voted on the poll and read all of your blogs. Also I will add myself to your mailing list soon (when not reading through my iPhone). I am excited for you and your publication since this is a very good story.
| wallawallabingbang 7/11/11 . chapter 9
i just voted i kinda ticked cause i hate when you think its an update and its not !
| A Typical Aquarius 7/6/11 . chapter 8
As I surmised in my first review, this story is very interesting.
But, the time skips are really confusing me. I mean, that really detracts from the story, because for the first few paragraphs, I am screaming in my head about a timeline, and I don't really focus on what I am reading. It would be nice if you added something like "a few days later" or "the next morning" or "an uneventful month subsequent to..." or something like that.
Other than that little detail, I did not find too many other errors, other than the fact that you have so many characters, that I am losing track. You seem to just add side characters at will. That might be fixed, or not; that may very well be part of your style.
I hope this review is a little helpful in making your story better.
Best of luck in life, love, and writing,
| A Typical Aquarius 7/5/11 . chapter 1
I think I love you for making the Narnia joke. I use that all the time. It makes me giggle (:
Sounds like it should be an interesting story.
Luck in love, life, and writing,
| Averick 7/5/11 . chapter 8
Ahhhh read all the chapters. Poor Mac. While I think he needs to make up his mind, I believe he already has and has chosen Nick. Nick needs to make up his mind and either tell his family and come out and be with Mac, or stop leading Mac on and get back to his old life of the "straight and narrow" guy because it's torture to read about this! Poor Mac! Gasp! XD lol and poor Mitch. He needs someone. Pair him up with James! XD the homophobe with Mitch, perfect! That's teach 'em! Anywho, lovin' it so far, please update soon!
| lukas10 6/10/11 . chapter 7
this is quite interesting and i like it a lot :P
Mac... his life right now is kind of a caos. i mean, he got assaulted by kellan, almost rape... drug... his mom is working for big people and got almost kill, htey parents are getting a divorce, his best friend wants to get in his pants because he is madly in love with the guy, and his apparetnly new boyfriend isn't human. i bet i missed something in the way.. but hell he is walking through a rough path right now.
but i like it. this is different and it's pretty cool :P
| PJ Draft 6/9/11 . chapter 7
This was a long chapter! Wow.
Well, anyways, not much to say.
Looking forward to the next !
| Dreamerofthesky 4/23/11 . chapter 6
Your writting stlye is AMAZING! I love it! You never add un needed sentences which is nice! It's funny yet has a lot of emotion in it sometimes. It's really just wonderful. Keep writing your talented! :)
| PJ Draft 4/10/11 . chapter 6
Did I mention I love the writing? (Among other things.)Anyways, some of it is a bit difficult to follow when it comes to the supernatural elements but I still want to read more. Update soon please. :D -PJ
| SpiritStand 3/15/11 . chapter 4
I'm suppose to be home sick and instead im laughing my head off. I love this story!
| PJ Draft 3/13/11 . chapter 4
Awkward conversation at the end with Mac and his dad. ekk. As for the mom's injury, was it nessary? The story was very outlandish, (despite sadly things like this do happen,) I was just wondering if it somehow does something for the overall story. Anyway, I love the love triangle you have set up here. Lovely characters so far, althouth for some reason the dad is a bit akward but then again I think you intentially wrote him like that as part of his character. Anyways, amazing job so far. I would love to read more soon. -PJ
| PJ Draft 3/13/11 . chapter 3
I love Nick and Mac. They belong together... Divorce is a touchy subject, but you write Mac's reaction in a way that feels real. The dad is strange, he's leaving already? What is there a kinchen knife in his wife's hand or something? lol. I love how you add humor to this story without it being forced. For example, "I had hoped that Nick would be available, but Randi would do just fine for now." I often feel this way too when it comes to friends. I am somehow glad he is going with Randi and the boyfriend. Third wheels are not so much fun to be... Surely he didn't become sick from simple booze. Drugs maybe. If so Nick should have taken him to the hosptial or something. GOOD the mom has some sense. Mitch scores extra points this chapter.