|Reviews for Angels|
| ObessedWtihWRITING 9/12/11 . chapter 6
So far I'm up to chapter six and I love it!
| Draco volans 8/5/11 . chapter 1
Excellent summary, really caught my interest. A solid premise. Good story, but the paragraph formatting makes it too difficult to read. Definitely fix that up.
| lnik 3/16/11 . chapter 5
I. Love. It. Only problem is the paragraphs. Sorry but it's a little iratating!
| lnik 3/5/11 . chapter 4
Yay! I love angels, and this whole story seems a bit different so I'm excited! Update please! ;)
| Serendipital 2/26/11 . chapter 1
Okay. Although this is an excellent story idea, you're grammer and spelling need a lot of work. First, though, I suggest you use word to type, but put your spell check on. And now, some grammer tips. Unless there was something wrong with the formatting, you don't know when to stop or start paragraphs. So here's an example from your story:
'We basically wandered around until I finally admitted that we were lost. Mimi started to cry. "Please don't cry! We'll find them soon and then we can have ice cream.""But what
if we don't find them?" "Then we can go back to the park and wait again." Mimi nodded and we continued wandering around. A scream ripped through the air and I felt a cold pang in my chest. The owner of the
voice...was our mom.
Now, here's how it SHOULD look...
We basically wandred around until I finally admitted that we were lost. Mimi started to cry.
"Please don't cry!" I pleaded. "We'll find them soon, and then we can have ice cream." Still sniffeling, Mimi asked,
"But what if we don't find them?"
"Then we can go back to the park and wait again," I assured her. Mimi nodded, and we continued wandering around. After a few minutes, a scream suddenly ripped through the air, and I felt a cold pang in my chest. The owner of our voice was...our mom.
See the difference? You don't have to worry about making your paragraphs too long! It's better to have them too long then to do what you're doing here. And also, when someone other than the person who talked previously is talking, start a new paragraph! Oh, and try to add more descriptive words. Instead of 'The park was green.', put 'The park was a lucious green, and the birds chirped happily from their perches in the tall, leafy trees. This also applies to when people are talking. Instead of '"I like pie," He said.', put 'I like pie," He said jovially.' And you don't like commas much, do you? Instead of 'He went to the park then saw his mother.', put 'He walked to the park, then he saw his mother, smiling and waving happily at him.' Well, that's about it, but I think you should get a beta. They help out a lot!