|Reviews for Phoenix Fall|
| NsShadowSerpent 4/13/12 . chapter 1
Can't really say much in the way of corrections or critique, as it's pretty hard to offer advice to someone giving it. But adding to the review count never hurts, eh? I did enjoy it greatly as a short story. It seems much like an ending to something much bigger. Perhaps you'll expand on this in the future.
| Kaizer Tenshi 5/1/11 . chapter 1
"... promised never to let go."
Should've been written as "... and promised to never let go."
The rest is fine as long as grammar and spelling is concerned; your composition is very good in regard to this particular piece, though I found the lack of dialogue somehow disheartening for me... but that's intended effect of this story, am I right?
Nevertheless, a breathtaking piece if I ever saw one, not to mention bleak and heavily filled with hopelessness. The 'warring galactic factions' setting helped in that respect.
Overall, an remarkably elegant piece, reminiscent of a prologue to a thrilling Sci-Fi Romance Actioner that I would have loved to read.
Fav'd and Subscribed to; would appreciate it if you took time to give your opinion on mine. :)
| Michael Kelso 3/23/11 . chapter 1
Ok, I'm kinda new to this, please don't misunderstand my honesty... The whole story hooked me. You carried off the feeling of two lovers in an enbrace right away. In the third sentence, I would change "..journey to a stop." to "journey to an end." It just seemed to flow better, to me. I like that you convey a history through your discription of the battle. well done. Unfortunately, you have the same problem I have. Commas. I noticed several sentences that could've been split, instead of strung together with commas. I would change "somewhere that was said to be winning." to "somewhere that was rumored to be winning." I think it adds to the rhythm of the sentence. I would also change "already gravity was at work upon her." to "already gravity had begun to pull her toward certain doom." "it had seemed to last eternity" to "it had seemed to last an eternity" I don't quite get "an enemy fighter roared silently.." I think it should either be "roared" or "swooped silently". "for a time...failed to protect." powerful sentences, very good. I would change "stretching vainly with his remaining arm as she did so with hers." to "he strained with every ounce of energy he had left to reach her, as she struggled to reach him. both agonizingly close, yet their machines would never touch again, just as their bodies never would." Overall, I would consider this story to be excellent. I hope I didn't offend with suggestions for changes.
| berley 3/16/11 . chapter 1
You’re descriptions are very detailed and set a very specific tone for this story that I think worked really well. Everything flowed really well and it was nice and easy to read. It was very fluid. This normally isn’t a genre I read and enjoy on a regular basis, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying your writing in this. The ending was very well done. It was nice. Good job!
| RYTwinDemon 3/3/11 . chapter 1
This was beautifully written. I really have nothing much to say except: wow. That was simply amazing. Keep up the good work! I really, really loved this.
| Rabukurafuto 3/2/11 . chapter 1
That was quite a poignant tale. It was very evocative in the painful, perfect descriptions. You have done exceptionally well here; be proud of this piece.
The only correction I think needs to be done is to put Phoenix in italics. If that is the name of the robot then it would be proper to italicize, as with names of ships.