You were right about the cliffhanger. ;D

I liked the whole modern thing to this, it was cool. There were a couple of grammar mistakes and stuff, but it was quote amusing.

Heather was quite naive, but that;s Little Red Riding Hood for you.

Keep writing!

StoryMonster

PS. Could you please replay this via Yours Truly, an Indian Pessimist? Thanks!

Yeah, that's certainly a cliffhanger! Damn you :p

I really enjoyed the way you juxtaposed traditional motifs with a modern setting in this. It's easy to go wrong with 'updated fairy tale' sort of things, but you pulled it off very well.

A couple of possible grammar issues I noticed were "Heather aw'ed in silently"... Was that meant to be 'silently' or 'in silence,' or did you do that on purpose? Also, "he was just wasting his time think about it:" This would make better sense either with a comma after 'time,' or with "thinking about it" instead of 'think about it.' /end nitpicking

The characters came across well given that you had a very short time in which to introduce them, so by the end we are involved with them, which means your cliffhanger was effective. And Jason's recognition of his father: "He saw a small part of him in the mirror each day, and all of him at the dinner table over bowls of microwaved Spaghetti-O's." LOVED that!

- aberlemno (denizen of the Roadhouse)

I can totally see why you got an A on this story. I thought the beginning was hilarious and it was enough to hook me in. Sample being: -"The woods are full of bears, wolves, and the occasional ground squirrel." Yes, because squirrels are evil little mo' fos.

Heather was naiveness to the amplified extent of it with the grandma part and well, isn't Little Red Riding Hood, too? Which is probably why you chose that as the inspiration for your story. If I had to base a story off my sister, It'd be an angry, party-loving version of the little mermaid, so I can see the fun you probably had in writing this. I'm going through this crazy Red Riding Hood phase since that stupid movie is coming out tomorrow so this story was in perfect condition for me to read.

The humor towards the end wanes, until you bring back the mention of those pesky ground squirrels again and my favorite kind of humor is the kind that repeats itself after a while forgotten. Too bad its a one-shot, with the cliffhanger and all, and you could continue with this and make it your own crazy parody, but all in all, it was a really fun read and I enjoyed it :)

-BM via Roadhouse

Interesting twist in the end!

What I delightful read! I too had to remake a fairy tail for had to a Gothic take on it, so I chose the Boy Who Cried Wolf. I am not surprised got an A!

WereMagi