the image this depicts is beautifully frightening. I read the reviews, and I don't think lack of capitalization is a particularly bad thing, nor is slightly inconsistent format. free verse allows a lot of freedom. We are poets, after all. P

wow,very interesting. I like it. Almost makes me think it should be the beginning of a horror story. Very good detail. When reading this one can tell the person dying was important to the narrator. Well done I did enjoy reading it

An interesting combination of genres.

Mechanically, the enjambment is a bit odd, inconsistent with itself (first breaking in the middle of the sentences, then at the ends). You may want to make this more consistent. Also, as I'm sure you are aware, the poem is lacking in capitalization. The imagery itself is pretty strong (though a couple of the word choices don't quite fit, for example "you *smear* roughly"), and the opening line is catching. Love the use of "stole." The idea behind it is strong, and the manner in which you express it is very creative. I take it you have a friend/ex in a bad relationship?