|Reviews for Red Pen|
| hortus-deliciarum 3/23/11 . chapter 1
Ahh, this makes me want to write a story, to fill in a background for it. I like this poem too. :D
| dragonflydreamer 3/21/11 . chapter 1
Sorry, I didn't notice before that thewhimsicalbard gave you an in-depth review of Speechless. I figured you might like a review here, as well, since you already got some good feedback on that one :)
I love the image of the red pen. A refreshing idea, and one I never would have thought of myself.
Also, great use of hyphens. As whimsical's review said on your other piece, you have a lovely affinity for punctuation that isn't just commas and periods. You use that to your advantage in creating pauses of varying lengths and placement, which really controlled how I read and understood the piece.
[until I finally fall, and you roll your eyes/And shake your head.] Nice enjambment. Also, good emotion. I like how you show it through actions instead of describing it.
[If you catch even a glint/of a precious chance] Great word choice with "glint" and "precious."
[About the way it will burn into and brand my mind, and keep me awake at night,] Great emotion, and I applaud you for not going overboard with it. It was just the right dosage to be compelling and realistic.
I'm torn about the ending. The emotions are good and serve well to tie up the piece, but there's nothing special about the images or wording.
In general, I like the piece, but not as much as Speechless. The emotion was great-interesting, relatable, and captured well in a poem of this length. However, there wasn't as much depth to the writing. I don't think "flowery" is the word I'm looking for, but there's that mystical poetic quality that this seemed to be missing. I think it might be because the word choice is more commonplace; there definitely isn't much else I can pick out wrong about this.
Nice work on both accounts. I'll be sure to check out some more of your poems when I have the time.
| atomic-pocket-watch 3/20/11 . chapter 1
very nice. you've shown that feeling of trying to make someone proud and then feeling worthless every time you're shot down perfectly. i'm pretty sure this is the angle you were going for and you've shown it beautifully :D well done. :D