|Reviews for The Forest Of Screams|
| Lady Scarlet of Stormhold 4/1/12 . chapter 2
This sounds interesting. A few comments, though:
It does seem a little complicated; it would be easier to follow if you started a new line with each new speaker.
Who is John? I assumed here you meant Joe. Also, halfway through you switched from first person to third person halfway through.
So if Amber was still alive, she'd be 18, right? And if I remember rightly, you said in the last chapter Joe was 29. So he had his first daughter when he was 11?
"he had always had ambitions of grapping that job" Typo; methinks you meant grabbing, right? I know. Easy mistake to make; I do it sometimes. :)
And what is #666? And a short wave radio? I'm confused...
"he was going to be sent into the forest by a person who had suffered losses like his" More confusion... After this, you mention Joe's losses to the forest, yet the person sending him into it is Lieutenant Shardon...
Also, in the first chapter, you forgot to capitalise your "I"s in the last sentence. Sorry, but you do know that it's just like me to pick up on something as small as that... There was a teacher at my school once who didn't capitalise some of her "I"s on the worksheets she printed out for us, and me and my friend just went through and corrected them, and her other grammatical mistakes. :)
There was something, somewhere in here, that didn't seem to make sense... But I can't find it. So I'm going to say that it never existed. :)
But, I do like your first sentence of the first chapter, and this story definitely has potential. I like it.
*This would be in smalled print if smaller print in reviews was possible* I might add that I am a beta on here, and would be very happy to actually have something to do as a beta. :)
| Revenge Is Bliss 3/23/11 . chapter 1
It sounds good so far, and I'm looking forward to chapter two. But you have a few mistakes in the title and summary which might affect the amount of viewers. The title should be written as: The Forest Of Screams. And in your summary, there are some more errors. I would recommend fixing them.