This looks really good. I just need to listen to it. Need. Hear the full potency of the lyrics.

Keep it up,
Dave

This is phenomenal stuff. Had to go and listen too. By far, this was my favorite piece out of this collection. You have a great talent; never give up on it. Man, I can't even compete. You make me want to stop writing all together and just listen to this instead. Hahah.

Keep it up; I'll keep listening.

Well now. This would do good as a poem, but I don't know about a song. I just couldn't really feel and rhythm in it; I just felt random.

You are a good and thoughtful writer. I think it would be easier to read if you put a few breaks in here and there, but that's totally up to you. So far I've enjoyed all of these and I will continue to read more when I have the chance.

I like the rhythm of this, especially the line "bleary-eyed and go-to-guy" also the internal rhyme makes it sound upbeat.

Firstly, I absolutely love how you express yourself so fluently through your words. I think this is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.

The only thing that I noticed while reading, was the off rhymes. Some sections followed a different rhyming pattern than others, and it made it a bit difficult find the flow of the song.

Overall though, I love it. Your adjectives are brilliant, and your phrases are artistic but real.

New favorite!

It reads more like a poem because it doesn't have a chorus or anything, but I can see how this would make a great song too. I really love the repeated line 'brings to mind all the horrors of troubled lives' it's so haunting, and the imgery in the whole thing is really well done. I like this one a lot.