This new opening was a bit more attention grabbing but hasn't sold me completely, if you ever get a Beta I would suggest asking them their opinion on it.

"her honey colored eyes twinkling with delight. Her eyes followed his careful footsteps."

I think you could just say "her honey colored eyes twinkled with delight, as they followed his careful footsteps." the original seems a bit wordy to me, but I'm not sure how this edit holds up grammatically.

'"So what was it like? I wish I could have come back with you. It's been a while since I've seen home." Nora inwardly laughed at herself, she always talked way to much around Tristan. It was almost like she was compensating for the fact that he couldn't see her by all of her talking.'

Up above this line you said that it was nice to be back home, yet you then say that it's been awhile since she'd seen home. It might help if you differential between these two homes since it can be confusing to the reader. If you said the names of the cities or replaced home with the word your house or mom's house. It might help with the explaination

I love the ambling pace at which your writing goes along with. The reader neve gets bored with it, because you explain everything and add some interesing snippets in every now and then, whcih I absolutely love.

Another thing I love is Tristan's character. I'm so glad you didn't make him a stereotype, or have his personality centred around his blindness. I love how he's such an unique character of his own and how he's independent and his fluffy banter with Nora. They're such a contrast in character, don't you think? Which just makes their chemistry more believable.

This is getting awesome.

Can't wait for you to update soon. :D

Tristan mixing up the sparkling apple cider with red wine made me laugh. His lines are always the best, especially the one about "...we all know how sexy Tristan is."

Along with other readers, I love the Nora/Tristan scenes. They will probably continue to be my favorite for the rest of the story. Their chemistry is what really makes them so believable and fun to read. But one thing I thought sounded strange was Tristan saying he could help Nora pick out an outfit if he can't see?

"Close," Nora told him, "Its lasagna. And you're going to have to wait because I only put it in the oven half an hour ago. It's not done yet."

Edit: "It's lasagna..."

"We can always catch up another day. Today's the day we're going to get you a social life. So finish off your lasagna woman."

Edit: "...So finish off your lasagna, woman."

I really like how you handled explaining the world and work of a photographer. I took a photography class a few years ago so I knew a little bit of the subject; but you make things clear to the readers which is nice. Also the summary sounded sweet. I'm a sucker for romance.

I didn't think the chapter was too long or boring. You do NaNoWriMo too? That's cool! Did you win?

I like the relationship between Nora and Tristan. He reminds me of a good friend of mine, which also I think helps me like him more.

"Which one do you want me to answer first?" Tristan laughed, "Vacation with mom, dad, and Sophie was nice, but it's definitely nice to be home. Jordan came by to visit and told me you were taking yearbook pictures, so I just told him to drop me off here. I figured you'd need a little pick me up after that."

Edit: "Vacation with Mom, Dad, and Sophie was nice..."

"I think a few posed pictures would be nice, but I especially like the look of candid pictures. They better capture the event."

Edit: I think "They capture the event better." sounds better. ;)

There seemed to be a bit of a very minor contraction in description, well for me anyway. At the start, Nora is described as having honey coloured eyes, then later, dull brown. It's not major, like I earlier said, but somehow, honey colour isn't a dull one to me.

I did like how well developed the characters are, already in the first chapter. Both Tristan and Nora are extremely believable; so I'm able to picture them both easily. Their friendship is also very realistic, and I enjoyed the banter between them about Emma. I really warmed to both of them, especially Tristan and his fun-loving personality. I also liked how his blindness isn't said straight out at first, but rather is just littered through hints. The opening hooked me though; it's humour did make me smile .

- Woody.

Hi there,

I liked this story, the character Nora is well developed, she has a good relationship with her blind companion Triston and this comes across well in the scene where she winds him up about his 'ugly' date. She also worries about money and it appears that she doesn't have a perfect life. Good balance.

The only bit that jarred a little was a couple of repititions in the same sentance, this is a minor thing though and with another edit can be easily rectified. I also think Tristan's cane needs to be made clear right from the start. I am unsure whether he would lean a hand on her shoulder if he had a cane and it's not that clear.

Other than that it was a good read.

Thanks.

Debs

The second chapter has a faster pace, but I didn't like it as much. The conversation between Nora and Tristan was wonderful, I loved the atmosphere of Nora's place and Tristan's personality. But.

But the ending to this chapter seemed contrived. As if this was a cheesy kids cartoon special episode that was divided into two parts, and at the end of the first part, "When Nora had said..." in a cheesy kids cartoon narrator voice.

I can't quite put my finger on what makes it seem like that, but it definitely has to do with the "When Nora had SAID she wanted a distraction". She said no such thing. She didn't even consciously think it. She just wanted a distraction. I'm not a big fan of the "not what she had in mind" either, as its used in a lot of stories and it immediately ups the cheese factor.

Try something more along the lines of "This wasn't the kind of distraction she wanted.", (more eloquently of course).

Anyways, hope that made sense.

So overall, great chapter, but that one sentence at the very end was totally contradictory to your earlier style and undid every good thing that you did.

Still, well done.

I liked it. The flow was a little slow, but it's alright because it was steady. You brought up a lot of questions about who Tristan is, his relationship with Nora, and I am so glad you did not immediately answer them. Despite the chapter being long, you didn't bore us with too many details, instead implying what might have gone on.

Overall, a great first chapter.

Well done.

Poor Nora, for not being able to pay the bills!

Aww, the Nora Tristan scenes are so cute. :)

[we'll attempt to find you something nice to wear in that closet of yours] I’m surprised that Tristan is saying this. How can he tell what’s nice to wear if he’s blind?

I thought you could have gone into a little more detail about why Nora decided to go clubbing with Tristan, especially if she was so reluctant to being with.

I definitely like Tristan more, for his good humor. I imagine that he is very fun to write.

Nice job!

Merle

Poor Nora! I would hate to be dragged out clubbing when there's a pan full of lasagna to be dealt with! I'm glad she's not out desperately hunting for a partner, though. She's got patience. Or she's just incredibly busy ;)

Not so fond of Tristan, though, personally. But I always seem to have trouble liking male characters.

I really like it so far! The first chapter was good, and the only reason it's a little slow is because you need to set the groundwork for the next stage of the story. Great job, and I think I'll read chapter 2 later, when I have a moment!

Sometimes I totally forget that Tristan is blind, and then I wonder why he would stress physical appearances so much. But I guess with all the sighted people trying to stick blind people with unattractives I guess I can see why.

I wish that you had added a bit more space between the time Nora took to get dressed and where she left. I think you could have added all sorts of things there. Such as Nora being a neat freak and havingher closet super clean and she relished unravelling it, or she could clench her clothes apprehensively because she was nervous about going back onto the social scene, she might even chose something flashy because she wants to attract someone, I think you could have done a lot more in that area.

I do like the dialogue it was a fair balance of filler and plot movement, but I think you just need to work on showing instead of teeling a bit more.

For RP Easy Fix - Rule 10

I thought this was very well written. I found the character Tristan the most intriguing. I love his positive attitude and self confidence in spite of his disability. I could see him as a potential love interest for Nora. As you pointed out, this chapter was pretty slow to start. At this point I'm not sure what direction your story is taking. Is it a romance, chick-flick, drama, comedy? This chapter pretty much seemed like a day in the life of Nora and nothing really significant took place. No big changes in her life, no drama, no love interest, no questions to leave the reader asking what will happen next. I'm afraid that if you don't add something in the first chapter you may lose a reader's interest quickly. I was always told a chapter should usually end with a question or cliffy that will make the reader want to turn to page. Hope this helps.

I think Tristan is definitely my favorite character so far, haha, even though Nora is the main character. :P I mean, I like Nora too, and I look forward to seeing her other, less professional side while clubbing, but Tristan is just so darn loveable! And his relationship with Nora is funny and sweet. :) They interact really nicely together!

Once again, your dialogue writing skills are fantastic. Everything sounded credible. I don't know how you do it, I hate writing dialogue! Haha.

And, finally, I enjoyed this chapter even more than the first one. You got rid of the issue of it dragging, and the writing felt less lackluster. So, great job! I really liked it. :) You have me subscribing to story alert.

It's good to see Tristan still has his spunk. I have to agree with you that he's probably my favorite character, but I always tend to lean toward the more comical/sarcastic people in a story. He is indeed interesting. I don't want to make any assumptions, but I find it enjoyable that he's able to go out and hook-up, regardless if he's blind. I can imagine what kind of hurdle that would be.

Heh, I like how he judges what his date eats. If you think about it, food can really tell you a lot about a person. So can seeing how many dates it takes to get them bed.

Uh oh, a night of clubbing, huh? I can picture Nora being just as uncomfortable as I would be in such a situation. I can really relate to her... although fortunately, I have a boy friend and don't have to worry about the pangs of loneliness. I do enjoy how she doesn't fret about a love-life, though. I respect her decision on not going out and searching for it, but rather allowing it to come to her. It shows she's strong.

Great chapter, can't wait to see more. )