I like reading about Tristan and Nora's interactions. I think you do well in showing without explicitly saying how comfortable they are with each other. Their friendship is very cute and fuss free, so it's fun to see them together (though not romantically).

I'm not sure about Aria as a character. I feel she doesn't know Tristan that well with forgetting Tristan's blind and all. So I don't know why she'd ruin a night of fun dancing at the club by helping out Nora, who as far as Aria knows, might even be a competing love interest. I think you might want to develop her more, because her actions are a little confusing.

Merle

Nora sounds a little judgmental during the photoshoot with Liam and Brooke. Who's to say that Liam isn't just terrible in front of a camera, or when he has hug or smile artificially? Not sure she should be saying stuff like how their hug "just didn't look very natural" or "I('m) just not able to capture the chemistry between you two." A photographer should probably blame the pose or the setting before she blames the subject, and continue to be positive encouraging when things don't look good instead of pointing out that they don't look good. You know?

Also, shouldn't it be kinda obvious, even to Nora the fixer-type, that her spending time alone with Liam is going to make Brooke more upset?

Anyway, those are undoubtedly character foibles on Nora's part. But you can just see disastrous meddling approaching, another rom-com staple that I'm not too fond of. Be careful of playing on that too strongly. It would be interesting if that trope were subverted somehow, aside from the usual female-protagonist-makes-things-worse-with-meddlin g-and-then-miraculously-solves-everything-somehow.

On the other hand, I liked the backstory given to Liam, and the way his parents' marriage has eroded his faith in his own engagement. And again, the description and language is great. I hope the dislikes aren't too much, because this story is really very well-written.

[Thank god] I'm fairly certain God is capitalized

I liked the chapter in terms of development of the dynamic between Nora and Tristan. You also did a good job using Tristan's story to further develop Nora's character based on her reactions.

My one thing...Tristan seemed like he had been clubbing a lot. It just seems a little odd to me considering he's blind. I mean, I'm sure blind people have gone to clubs before, it just seems like a crowded room with blaring music and people bumping around wouldn't be an ideal location for someone blind.

But anyway, I look forward to reading more :) Nice chapter!

I didn't like that the chapter kind of bored me because there just wasn't a ton of action and the biggest conversation piece in my opinion was cake and various foods. I did like your dialogue work though because it's realistic and it does create a good amount of pacing. The end was interesting and I also perked up a bit at that but then again the wedding theme etc., it also isn't my forte, so take my opinions with a grain of salt too. Also though, good solid setting/character descriptions too, by the way, liked the characterizations through that dialogue too because it fleshed out the feelings about the wedding. :)

I love the way you describe things, even if it's only ordinary activities like waking up and eating cake. You make the characters' actions easy to envision. On the other hand, there can be too much of a good thing, like all the detail about the cake-tasting. It seems as though you spend more time talking about the flavors of cake than about the ensuing small argument between Brooke and Liam - which is glossed over at the end of the scene.

There's one gripe I have about their relationship as presented so far, and that's...communication. Why don't they talk to each other about what they're feeling? But Liam talks to Josh instead of Brooke, and that makes it slightly harder to empathize with him. Come to think of it, though, I have this gripe with practically every rom-com or romantic novel out there. Most characters could do with a little more honest communication!

I think you have a strong start here. The writing is pretty good and flows well, making things pretty easy to follow.

I haven't read a ton of romances, but from just this there isn't anything unusual to make me want to come back. It all seems pretty standard with your typical genre conundrums. Like I said, I don't really pay attention to romance, but maybe you could figure out a way to make this jump out a little more?

hehe first chapter!

I couldn't actually see much changes, so far very introductory stuff.

This story is keeping me on my toes because I'm not sure how it's going to develop between main character and her love lol.

There was one paragraph that was a bit fishy to be honest, it was "The woman was scribbling away frantically on the small information sheet Nora had handed her, filling the margins of the page with extra information that wouldn't fit in the small spaces Nora had included for each of the questions. She glanced over to see what photo Liam was looking at and she huffed."

When first introducing Liam I though 'she' was referring to Nora because of the third person POV so I was a bit confused how Nora knew Liam and could huff at him lol. Other than that, next chapter :D

I feel like in the beginning, you could use some more showing and not telling. For instance, the couple that Nora is taking photos for are "relatively attractive" and "without huge flaws". These sort of descriptions are pretty vague and not really effective in adding anything to the writing. Since Nora is a photographer, I'm sure she'll notice more than that.

I liked the dialogue, because I thought it was very realistic. I also enjoyed how you can make a photo session so interesting, with Liam blurting out that he didn't want to marry his fiancee, and have Nora consider that.

Merle

So first the good: I really enjoyed the fact that the characters can truly be considered down to earth and real. There was no point that I thought, 'that would never happen'. I also love the complexity of her being this under appreciated/poor photographer. The character therefore are more likable because I can relate to their strengths, weaknesses, and thoughts.

Now my criticism: I thought that the imagery was a little too much. I found myself at points barely skimming the bulkier paragraphs. I also think that you should ease on how much information you put into one chapter, it seems a bit rushed, it might be better to have little characteristics and whatnots be portrayed naturally and bring things up like the hook-up between them when relevant, it felt sort of random to bring it up suddenly.

I am not pretending to know too much about writing, it is just how I felt about this story so far. So you may totally disagree with what I say and keep it exactly how it is, I just hope that I helped in some way. :)

Though the transition from Nora's POV to Liam's POV was a bit jarring (I didn't expect to be learning so much about him), I did like the chance to be able to learn more about him and his relationship with his wife, because I think it shows you might intend to use him as a major character later on in the story. I'm wondering if something is going to happen between Liam and Nora - that's the only reason I can think of that would explain why there was so much attention put toward him and his wife's predicament in this chapter.

I didn't like that the narrative would sometimes become very overloaded with information, at times making the chapter drag (especially the opening paragraph of the section where they were cake testing). Make sure when you go into detail about something that it pertains to the plot or is important in character development - random facts about a person's past, personality, or how they reacted to something a long time ago, sometimes isn't really needed and might give the reader the desire to skim.

Hey there! I had to leave a review as anonymous since I've already reviewed this chapter and I saw you wanted some more feedback on the rewrite.

Anyways, from what I remember of this chapter the first time I read it, it's nice to see a little more information filtered into the prose itself. From what I can recall, I remember it being a little more bare-bones the first time I read it, but now the narrative was a lot more engaging. The pacing was a lot better as well, especially when the characters were going from one place to the next, and the dialogue was well done (but I don't think that was an issue before anyways). I only have two things I really wanted to suggest:

The first is more just a minor detail, but I'm a little confused about the relationship between Tristan and Nora. From the way she asks him about how his trip was to go see HIS family, it doesn't sound like they're blood related, or perhaps just half-brother and sister. But then later you make it sound as if something happened between Nora and Tristan during that frat party, then the mention of incest came up. So I just think you might want to make it a little clearer on how exactly their relationship is structure, like if they're really extended family, related only through someone in the family's marriage, or just really good friends to the point where they feel like brother/sister.

The only other thing I have to nit-pick is to be a little careful with your adjectives. Too much description can slow a narration down and give the reader the desire to skim, as can extra words (this is what is known as 'purple-prose'). Now, there's nothing wrong with being descriptive, but make sure you save those parts for things that really matter - it'll make them really stick into the reader's mind that way.

Anyways, this is shaping up very nicely in your rewrite. Good luck with the rest of it and don't get discouraged - I know how tiring it can sometimes be to redo everything. :)

Love it and i want more

Aww poor Liam. :( Hope that Liam and Brooke should talk about it before something goes wrong between them.

A wedding is big step and Brookse ned to take it easy.

Please update soon

And can't wait to read more of this story :)

I like Nora's character, I know you haven't had much time to really delve in, but she seems very real, in the sense that she isn't overly perfect and clearly has some strengths and weaknesses.

I did want a bit more background on Tristan in terms of introduction though, as he seems to just appear out of nowhere.

I did like it quite a bit though, it has promise and I hope to read more :)

Technical stuff

[and the all Nora could think about] you could either get rid of the "the" here or say "all that"

{Nora finally got the girl...] the girl hasn't really been introduced yet, so I would either mention her or change the sentence to something like, "the girl she had to photograph"

[How was your family?] It tends to be said "How is?" rather than how was

[Her and Tristan] This should be "She and Tristan", at least I think..

thanks for letting us know,

i hope the pause won't be that long and i'm looking forward to see the changes

D: and this is why I don't read unfinished stories...but still, I love this plot and these characters too much, so yeah, I'll PM ya