|Reviews for Honour of the Heart|
| Dreamers-Requiem 5/6/13 . chapter 24
I just realised that, unless you upload more chapters before I get there, I’m only a few chapters away from the end. That kind of scares me. So…maybe write some more before I get there?
Anyway, review, yeah. I found it a little contradictory that Aline mentions being ruined for marriage, then talks about leading the men into battle. I just found it odd. The being ruined part is odd anyway, because it makes me feel almost like that’s her main reason for being with Hugh (which we know it isn’t.) It just seems like a comment that comes out of the blue, and almost belittles what they have. Up until that point, she has seemed more…progressive, and I find it difficult to match the Aline we know with someone who would be concerned with being ruined for marriage, especially as there’s only one guy she seems to be thinking of marrying, anyway.
I felt like the last part with the confrontation moved a bit too fast. You may want to slow down the pacing a little, to build up the tension about what happens with the lord. A little bit of tension could really draw the readers to the edge of their seats. Maybe a little more description, too, as in some parts it’s a bit dialogue heavy. Surroundings, characters, reactions, feelings, that sort of thing. If you show how the characters are acting – like, does Hennessey seem tense when they come into the tent? What about before? I think you could show a bit more of his character in previous chapters, give the readers some hints that he doesn’t want Aline to rule. Nothing obvious, but just something so that his actions here don’t feel like they come out of the blue. Good luck!
| Harlee Rae 4/24/13 . chapter 2
I love this scene, and how you made her escape seem real, though at some parts the sentences seemed to lack in the perfect flow you had in the previous chapter. Overall I loved it, and would really love to see it published :)
| Harlee Rae 4/23/13 . chapter 1
I absolutely adore this story so far, and find your Aline to be a great main character. You managed to introduce elements into the story without making it seem clunky, or without jerking me out of the story to wonder were it came from. In my honest opinion you could publish this easily, I would certainly pay for it. Hopefully the rest of your chapters live up to this amazing beginning :) And I especially can't wait to find out who her rescuer was! Love, love, love!
| DutchAver 4/9/13 . chapter 19
I thought Stephen had ran out of ways to make me hate him, but he keeps upping himself and he keeps making me hate him more. He's one of those characters I love to hate - there really isn't anything good in him, right?
It would have been very interesting to see Hugh try and escape to get to Aline and save her. But I guess you took it out because of length reasons? I see where you came from. I love how Aline is loyal to her people and would be a perfect queen, much better than Stephen will ever be a king. The people would probably love her for real. Sadly, that is not the case.
I wonder how Lorrimer's going to help Aline! Can't wait to see what you're going to do in these last ten chapters. Sadly, I don't have any time left, so the reviews will stop here - but I hope to return to your story tomorrow!
| DutchAver 4/9/13 . chapter 18
I must say, Hugh was very honorable at the start but now that he's snapped, it seems as if he's changed completely, as if there's no bit of honour left in him now. At the start, he didn't run away with Aline because he felt guilty regarding his cousin: but now, he suddenly has no problems killing Stephen if he could. He seems to have changed completely, only because he snapped once. It makes it a bit less real: I would've liked to see a bit more of Hugh regretting his decision and also wanting to run away with Aline, a bit more of that conflict. You've done a wonderful job in making him threedimensional so far, but it's kind of a letdown here.
Apart from that, I loved the little bits in here that show us what kind of a man Hugh is. It was kind of funny to see Hugh comment on the guard searching him alone: he's such a perfectionist that he wants it to be done right, even if he's the one who's searched. I love that. And how he's willing to do anything for Aline now, it's kind of sweet.
Is Hugh going to raise a rebellion now? What's going to happen? Can't wait to find out!
| DutchAver 4/9/13 . chapter 17
Wow. The ending of this chapter is seriously wow and pretty much amazed me. I hadn't expected Hugh to turn on Stephen and attack him, because he is so very decent to a fault. Yet he broke, finally, and here's his payback. I was seriously rooting for Hugh to kill off Stephen and finish the whole story, but... I guess that's not going to happen.
Anyway. One of the reasons for my absence is that I got addicted to this series called Game of Thrones, adapted from the books of George R. R. Martin - and, reading this story, I'm beginning to see a few parallels. Hugh does have a lot in common with Ned Stark: he gets a lot of heavy stuff on his plate, but he only breaks at the end, and he holds on to his honour for a long while. While Stephen is more like a cross between king Robert and Joffry: he hates everyone and doesn't even need a reason for it, and at the same time, he's terribly unfaithful. Have you read the series, and if so, has there been any inspiration from the books, or maybe, the show?
I still hate Stephen a lot, and with everything he does, it only gets worse. Raping another girl? Banishing Hugh because he finally broke, and only because of what Stephen has been doing to him himself. I do hope he dies a very slow and painful death, because what he does to Hugh is something that would've broken anyone.
I feel so sorry for lady Aline too, and how she mourns for her grandfather. His death wasn't much of a surprise, but it's still immensely sad. I really wonder how you're going to make a happy ending out of this... but I guess there won't be one. Still, curious to see what you'll do!
| Dreamers-Requiem 3/2/13 . chapter 23
I feel like the pace has slowed down quite a lot, and it's hard to keep fully invested in the plot. Not that you have to have a lot going on, but I feel like some of this just dragged a little. Like I've said before, shorter sentences can really help with that, as they will speed up the pace even when there's not a lot going on.
| Dreamers-Requiem 11/25/12 . chapter 22
Nothing much more to say that I haven't said before; just watch out for sentences that are longer than they need to be, words such as 'then' where they don't add anything to the sentence, etc. So, for example, [He woke up and he was alone.] could just be (He woke alone.) Watch out for missing puncuation, too. ["We have the bridges on both banks of the river under observation"] should have a comma at the end. In terms of longer sentences, another example would be [She curled her arms around his waist and impatiently tugged him closer.] which could be cut down to (She curled her arms around his waist, impatiently tugging him closer.) It's only one word shorter but it makes a lot of difference, especially as using a lot of sentences with 'and' in the middle can really make it repetitive. Hope that helps!
| DutchAver 9/24/12 . chapter 16
I love the morality of the medieval times that you use in this chapter. Loyalty is of the highest importance to Aline: no matter how much she loves Hugh, she's betrothed to Stephen and can't marry Hugh. A woman of our times wouldn't think twice, divorce Stephen and get married to Hugh, but this is wholly different and that's what I like so much about your story. (Repeating myself, am I? Uh-huh.)
The ending is sad yet so understandable. Aline hates the position she's in, and she's right, and I can understand her decision to simply end it. I hope Hugh will be there in time, I sincerely hope so.
Stephen is, however, a bastard to allow Hugh to escort Aline back to Leavingham again. Is he TRYING to tempt him?
Sorry it's been two months, but I've been busy!
| Guest 9/8/12 . chapter 21
Aw, yay. Glad to see she managed to 'save' him before it was too late, although she does seem in surprisengly good health considering what she has just been through. Anyway, in terms of critique, just the usual stuff - over use of names etc. I think you could expand on emotions, too, as in places it's hard to follow what characters are really thinking. Just try showing their emotions a little more, rather than just reactions. As characters, they can sometimes seem a little passive, as they just react to events rather than doing a bit more. Just something to consider.
| DutchAver 7/23/12 . chapter 15
I was most certainly surprised that Aline was allowed to remain free for a year until Stephen claimed the throne. I wonder why Stephen was suddenly so kind to Aline to let her be set free - I don't think the answer to that question was mentioned in-story.
Also, YAY, they kissed _ Hugh telling Aline that he wanted to run off with her surprised me, but you once again convinced me how much better this story is than any other. Because in any other story, Aline would've accepted Hugh's offer and ran off with her against all her better knowledge. But in here, Aline has her honour - the honour of her heart, that forces her to stay with Stephen. It's obvious that Aline and Hugh are Star-Crossed lovers, and that saddens me :(
But this chapter was beautiful and I can't wait to read more!
| Guest 7/6/12 . chapter 29
This was a really good story, I've literally just this minute finished reading it and I must say I'm glad that I found it. Thank you for sharing such an imaginative tale with us.
| DutchAver 6/28/12 . chapter 14
Kate sounds like she's a little younger of heart than her age. It seems she has the enthusiasm and naiveté of a twelve year-old. Not sure if I like it.
I'm glad Aline can still find happiness, though, with Kate and Jack, and how it doesn't affect her mood completely, because you describe them as happy for once.
The change in perspective sometimes confused me - you often switch between Aline and Hugh. Maybe try using line breaks to make that clear?
The ending is absolutely heartbreaking, and I hate how Stephen acts towards his cousin. He really loves torturing him, and that is very clear in this chapter.
Great work, as usual!
| Dreamers-Requiem 6/26/12 . chapter 20
I'm kind of surprsied that Hugh doesn't even have a bit of relief that Aline is now safe. because, well, she is, and even if things look bad for him now, she could eventually realise they've captured him and she could help him...
| DutchAver 6/15/12 . chapter 13
I feel sorry for Hugh. For once, he slips and becomes angry at his cousin(who deserved to get snapped at) and he immediately faces consequences so badly that he is now bound to a life of servitude O.o I'm actually pretty close with my cousin too, so this sounded a bit scary to me. Fortunately, me and my cousin have a much better bond.
I love the symbolism of Hugh giving Aline the poetry book and therefore restoring her faith in poetry, at least a little. Does it mean he can restore her faith in love too?
I love how character-focused this still is and I love how we get some answers in this chapter. Which makes me wonder: will Hugh finally be able to put behind his loyalty for his cousin, which he doesn't deserve, and run off with Aline? Whatever the outcome, I'm sure that it will be unpredictable and well-written :)
(P.S. Your review ratio is terrible? Well, it's considerably better than mine ;) )