|Reviews for Opposing Views|
| Miri1653 6/6/11 . chapter 24
I really liked the main plot- I think you had some good ideas. I also liked your first person narration- I think it worked better than third person would have.
I do, however, think it may hace been better with more description? You've got plenty of speech and character narration and pschological pieces do tend to focus on these rather than description, however, I think that just a bit extra wouldn't've gone amiss.
Also, I think that the story moved slowly and, as previously mentioned, blandly for most of the story, then there was a sudden rush of action at the end- i.e. the three confessions, Rayna's mother's accident and Jacqueline's heart attack. It can be a good for everything to come together at the end, but I think, in this example, it may have been better to spread it out more?
One last observation: the story lacked an introduction- although going straight into the plot does work sometimes, I think that the beginning lacked anything to "grab" the reader's attention.
Overall, however, I really enjoyed the story. I hope my comments have been useful and I look forward to reading more of your work.
PS Sorry, I forgot, you also have numerous typos in your work.
| RedX9 5/22/11 . chapter 1
yeah I'm sorry but I agree with cookie, most of it is bland (sorry). maybe its because of the first person perspective you used because if you write it in first person, you are kinda restricted to describing stuff base on what you see and not how the place is itself. You would have to work and describe things very really well if you write things in first person perspective
if you could find the time. Go check out one of my stories, its called "a mundane day". there is one chapter (sloppy guy raymond) which I write it in first person and maybe it could provide you with some tips if you plan to continue on with this
and also why is there numbers at the end of each paragraph?
| ChocolateCookie 5/21/11 . chapter 4
I think you picked a really interesting premise for this story but i'm a little disappointed in it so far. It's all tell and no show. Step back from your characters' thoughts and describe what's going on around them more. At the moment, it reads like a series of monologues. Also, try to make things more subtle. Psychological based stories can really benefit from subtle depictions of emotions, rather than spelling everything out for the reader. We don't need to hear that Idris hates her weight. If you show her flushed when her shirts are twice the size of Jac's shirts, we're gonna get that it bothers her.
And there's somethign weird going on where at the end of every paragraph, you've got a number.
I know this sounds kind of negative, but I just think this story has so much more potential and you're not quite using it to its fullest.