|Reviews for Finding the Light|
| Jakuho Raikoben 9/5/11 . chapter 1
I like Amara's character. His actions and what he says really says a lot about a person and the description was good. Good job.
| DutchAver 8/20/11 . chapter 1
This one-shot was better, I like how the two elves find friendship with each other and how Amaras finds his light in Cirdan, his best friend. It's nice to see such a good friendship existing, and nice to read about it too. Well done, much better than your other one-shot!
Again, there are a few mistakes I'd like to point out:
'mother would have said he was to young to understand' toO young to understand
'He coward' I don't think I need to point this out any further ;)
'But it's not to bad with you here' not toO bad
'moonlight, ninety five years later' ninety-five years later
'Cirdan pulled him into a quick hug, and Amaras relaxed in his friend's familiar
Embrace.' Same story, I don't think I need to point this out as well :)
'He had only five years old at the time' He WAS only...
'and the two friend's broke ' The same as with your other story, never use an apostrophe in plurals!
I'm halfway now! Maybe I'll do another one today, but I wouldn't count on it as it's half past ten PM over here now. I'll probably see you tomorrow!
| chlodochar.wolf 8/14/11 . chapter 1
Hey there. I'm reading the one-shot before the actual story. Whoops!
Anyway, as mentioned by another, the name choices are good. I also like how the first and last lines are connected to each other. I always feel like that gives a sense of finality to the last line. However, the sudden leap in time doesn't feel natural to me. I guess it might be better for those who read your other story first.
Thanks for reviewing my poems! I appreciate it. (Behind the Mirror got jumbled up in the transfer from my laptop to ficpress, but I'm glad you enjoyed it anyway!)
| AppleCrumble 7/24/11 . chapter 1
Really good! :-)
I liked how effective the descriptions were, will definitely read the rest!
| Dr. Self Destruct 7/9/11 . chapter 1
Ah, a story with elves. It's been awhile since I've read something in the fantasy genre that deals with elves, so this should be good. :)
Aww, I feel sorry for him being all alone. I wonder why he's alone... did his family die? That's so sad. :( But at least he finds a friend. I enjoyed their conversation; the innocence of a young child is always so heartwarming.
I enjoyed the description there at the end when Amaras is watching Cirdan run toward the army. It is a truly breathtaking picture, and I find myself wondering why they are being attacked. Part of me thinks the humans are coming to burn down their forest and the elves are protecting it. So sad. :( I hope they survive the encounter.
I found a few little nit-picky things that caught my eye:
[Amaras did not understand why…mother would have said he was [to] young to understand.]
Edit: The bracketed to should be too.
[He could feel the darkness, seeping through him.]
Style: I suggest removing the comma to keep the flow of the sentence constant.
[He coward. He wanted the moon.]
Edit: Coward should be cowered.
| theDeadTree 6/3/11 . chapter 1
hey, you posted it! This is good, really good, actually. It gives a surprising amount of depth to both of them. Good stuff, keep it up :D
| Spiral Architect 6/2/11 . chapter 1
I'm liking it, although I'm a sucker for elves :)
Either way, I have one complaint. The dialog in the beginning doesn't qute fit the character's age. You say Amaras is 5 years old (I like that name, by the way. Both are good), yet he talks like he's much older. Unless he is unusually wise or his age, you might want to fix that. It's not bad, just unrealistic.
As far as the upcoming fight...I'm in.
Oh, and I have a selfish request for you. I read your profile, and considering your review policy, could you review The Topaz Machine? Thanks.