|Reviews for The Angel Kristoph|
| Palantean Writer 2/26/12 . chapter 9
"Avernus: the land without birds." Sounds bleak. Nice little bit of information here without being unnecessarily long.
"...specks of orange flames matching the lazy cadence of fireflies." That's really pretty.
The history and superstition around the lake Krystoph is floating on is wonderful, so bleak and dark.
"The crackle and snap is all we hear, for we're in a hidden world, locked in time, safe from the prying eyes of mortals." I like no-man's lands like this - in-between worlds. I don't know what it is I love about them but there's something so... creepy about the idea of one existing. And the possibilities of what one could do with the shifts in time and space.
"We died." We? Krystoph had to die too? Not that that has a great deal of meaning. After all, he's an angel. But still, he actually has to do the whole journey with his charge?
"I step closer to the bank and reach into my pocket, stroking my neglected animal; it feels good to be back in my own body." Is this bit rude? I can't quite tell :P
So if this lake Avernus is free from the prying eyes of mortals, as you put it, why did a superstition develop about it? Who saw the birds dying?
"He wants something to distract him from the falling debris of his inescapable fate." That rings very true. It's just occurred to me that it's unusual to watch a scene like this from the perspective of a character who knows what's going on. Usually a story like this would show from Nathan's perspective. And perhaps have Krystoph being a bit sour at him, a la Labyrinth.
"...the inevitable crash knocks reality back into me..." So even holy rushes crash? Heh!
I'm surprised that any angel would feel sexual pleasure when releasing his (or her) power. Somehow I imagine that the power would feel purer, that God would deny his angels sexual pleasure.
"...I hold my arm out toward the water, demanding it to split." Wouldn't that be 'commanding'?
Love that Krystoph's patience wears thin so quickly, that first he encourages Nathan to follow him through the parted lake and then threatens him with a whip. Mind you, that's quite a mild threat by Krystoph's standards.
And, I know I keep saying I love this and love that, but I'm enjoying the onset of that conversation they have together about whether Krystoph's an angel or a Grim Reaper - it feels so normal. I could easily imagine the pair of them at a bar, downing whisky as they talk.
I wonder how many souls being led down to hell would really have the courage to ask about the tats? Although I have to say, it doesn't feel out of character. Maybe because I already know that Nate has watched a satanic cult doing its thing.
"...and sticks its slimy tongue in my ear." I don't know whether it's what you intended, but this last bit lightens the mood of what I'm reading. Adds a bit of Krystoph's facetiousness.
Wow, so the gate to hell is more like a living thing? That's a bit of a mind-bender! *reads on, fascinated*
"Does this mean I did my job in helping him accept his fate? Is his steady, yet extremely pale, countenance evidence of my success? Or is this person, only a few years out of his teens, that much more of a man than I once was?" I just think he's going through a stage where his initial horror has faded, and that it'll rear again in a moment. That his adrenal glands are taking a breather, just for a few seconds.
"I don't say anything, too afraid to open my mouth. Unspoken words twist my tongue, make my saliva taste sour." Hoo-ee, I'm really not surprised!
Poor old Nathan, I think he's trying to gain some sense of proprietorialness (is that a word? I know what I mean) over the situation. Giving an angel advice. He's a brave one.
"What's happening to me? Where's my hard-on? Where's my sarcasm?" Oh, they'll be back soon enough. But the gravity of this part of the story is absolutely phenomenal. It's beautifully written, dark and menacing, and yet very human at the same time.
The emotional weight of their exchange just before Krystoph prods Nate in the back is fantastic.
"Gabriel taps me on the shoulder, seeing my plight, and he offers me one of his own cigarettes." That's something I never thought I'd read!
"I try to calm down by concentrating on the nicotine flowing through my blood..." I imagine this is a really petulant move. Again, despite the very weighty scene, you keep on putting delightful little human bits in here, which, if you couldn't tell, I'm really enjoying.
"My cells dances when I think of the blood-shed..." I take it that should be 'dance'?
I'm afraid I'm struggling to remember who Desmond was, so this little part of the story I'm reading at the moment is lost on me. Sorry, I hate missing out on bits like that.
- From We Return Reviews.
| thenutrunningthenuthouse 2/26/12 . chapter 34
[With a hand pressed against my side, I swallow the feeling of blisters and smoke, wishing that chapter of my life would forever fade along with my present injuries.] - May I just say that I love this line? I love the ways Kristoph weaves ideas into these beautiful lines.
Ugh, that paragraph about Evelyn is so sad! I always loved that couple and seeing how sadly they ended is just terrible. I mean, I can't even imagine being able to see Evelyn, being able to hug her, but not having her recognize him! That must've broken his heart! It's no wonder he became so bloodthirsty. Why did Evelyn forget about him, out of curiosity? Was it because Kristoph committed suicide?
Lol Kristoph of course he'd be staring at the angels' dicks. I love how his little perverted thing hasn't left with everything he's been through. It's endearing in the weirdest way. o_o
Wow, I loved that scene with Kristoph and Kaida. Sure, it sounds really awkward with how they're just kissing in the Lord's palace, but it's really powerful how he ignites her flame. I apologize for not remembering her real significance to the story, but I'm sure I'll remember soon.
As for your edits, you don't have to switch Mick's name. It's up to you. I think it suits him. :)
I'll go check out your poll and the Project Fiction link. Have a good day!
| cerebral1 2/24/12 . chapter 32
Wow! I just hate Maxwell! I hope he gets some kind of comeuppance in the future!
Love the new, improved Kristoph. Still irreverant, perverted and humorous as hell, yet in love. Ohh, like all mortals he can't say it, but he knows it. I hope Mina could see his love even though she didn't hear it from his lips.
Mina is a girl after my own heart; will do anything to protect the one(s) she loves, and not afraid for herself. Hope Kristoph lives up to her selfless love.
Hated when Mick got killed. Did not expect it to actually happen! Don't quite get the idea of heaven's minions killing, but this is fantasy, so I will go with the flow. :)
Once again you prove your mastery of imagery; I could see the Templars, Mick being cast into dust, the fight, even poor Kristoph's wounds. Well done! I have one more chapter to catch up on. Great action!
| Susan Holt 2/23/12 . chapter 33
Very, very impressive! I found it probably the most touching chapter. It was intense and full of emotion... I'm not ashamed to say that I cried a bit when I read Kristoph's thoughts when he was dying in his father-in-law's hands. He was full of contradictions at that moment -wanting to take his life and not live any more without his love, yet he called General Knight his last hope of survival- and that is why I love Kristoph's character so much!
I adore the fact that his thoughts were always laced with Evely's aroma... he just couldn't stop talking to her in his head. Dare I say he was a softie? I think I will... maybe I'm wrong, but I found him gentle with his slaves... that is not something common for back then. And Gabriel was his reaper and that was a sort of punishment for him. Interesting! Your words in describing Gabriel's appearance, posture and calmness were expertly used. I just appreciate Gabriel more and more with your every mention of him. He took respinsibility for the whole Desmond mess and he accepted his afte as Kristoph's reaper with some kind of dignity, duty and tranquility. At least, that's how I perceived it.
I have no idea why, but I was under the impression that Kristoph took his own life the same day Evelyn died. I think my memory is failing me though. It's a good chance to go back and re-read the story. :)
Excellent work as usual. :D
| agent-gloria 2/22/12 . chapter 2
This was really well written.
The views you offer are amazing, and flow very well. It doesn't sound choppy at all and keeps the reader and me going til the end of a chapter. I will continue reading your series :)
I don't know if this means anything, but I like your titles. Very much.
The idea is original, and the characterization of Kristoph is unique considering he is an angel. His vocabulary makes me smile, and his personality and speech is consistent which is great.
I will continue reading this :) great job!
| thenutrunningthenuthouse 2/22/12 . chapter 33
[I was once taught that death gives us silence and release, but I later learned when the darkness closes in, that is when the true torture begins.] Oh Kristoph and his uncanny ability to make death feel warm and fuzzy.
If I may, I'd recommend some sort of indication that the prose changes from present to past. It's not hard to distinguish, but I almost got really confused for a second there...
Aww, Kristoph's description of his time without Evelyn is so sad. :( It's great how you can so easily find tone in the writing. It's like I can feel the heaviness in his voice as he recalls this.
Seriously, I love this old scenes. I've always loved reading scenes where slave masters showed compassion towards their slaves. Despite the awful thing slavery was, it's always interesting to see the kind slave owners, the ones that took the horrors of slavery and just ignored the urges to treat their slaves like crap.
["Is that what happened to your wife, master?"] - I don't know why, but there's something powerful in this. The lead in to Evelyn's death is smooth and dare I say excellent. I truly love your writing.
[With nights now full of sexual dreams and desires, every day I wonder if that demoness left her taint in my bloodstream.] now THIS is powerful. To think that something as simple as Annabelle could truly transform Kristoph into the man he is is...extraordinary.
[I'm a free man—a free fuckin' man, you hear me? And no one, not even you or your worthless God, are gonna put me behind bars.] Oh the irony...
["To Hell, Kristoph." He snaps the book closed. "I am taking you to Hell."] Gotta say, Kristoph must've been pissed with that one.
As usual, excellent chapter. Keep it coming! P.S. How much longer do you think the book will be?
| B. J. Winters 2/21/12 . chapter 25
I picked this chapter at random, but I liked that I was able to follow the story, and visualize your main character quickly. The introduction has a good hook and it flows well. The introspective dialogue provides balance and I like that I got to hear not only how the character speaks with others, but also to himself.
You asked for feedback on Jackie, and I think you captured the Paladin well. I did wonder why she'd take an order from Kristoph when clearly she didn't agree with his actions - why not stay and work to counter the objective? What happened to her (you refer to her men, but its not clear where she went - and if its here I missed it so it might need another sentence or two to bring it out).
This section - sounds like song lyrics - which might or might not be what you want:In mid-thought, I'm reduced to my knees. A bullet tears through my stomach, spray-paints the road red. Then another chews through my shoulder, pumps me with lead, followed by a hot punch of metal to my spine.
I did think that the characters were larger than life. Which again, could be good or bad depending on taste.
The only final point I'd make is I couldn't understand why Maria would wait 5 days (a long time in my opinion) to counter an attack on reputation. I'd shorten that time frame if you can for more credibility.
You obviously have a great passion for this story and the character. Good luck with your writing.
| Deedee Elle 2/21/12 . chapter 30
I like the worm metaphor, squirming is a good way of picturing the demons. I like how you deal with the way humans rationalise and ignore what we don't want to see by having the reporter not mention the wings- or is that because he's one of them? Not sure quelled is the right word for fires, it doesn't sound right. Extinguished would be the one I'd choose. Alos later on you say \how can one of them effect me' which should be affect.
Nice to see the old Kristoph is still in there even while he's recovering he's ogling Mina. 'it's a damn shame I can't move my hands fast enough or else there'd be more than blood staining these sheets'-ewwww! Love it!
His comment about Mick licking the blood was a good image, and shows how he's still as cynical as ever. I liked Mick from the first time we encountered him- shame there isn't more of him in the story.
This chapter didn't feel too long, I think having the section filling in more of the history was a good break from the modern setting, especially following on from the previous chapter. I like that we get a bit more of Mina's background too though I don't know how relevant it is going to turn out to be.
Hmmmm, small puncture marks under the scars. Has Mick been having a crafty drink and if so what will the implications be?
Can't wait to get back into the action and hopeful showdown at the train station.
| seredemia 2/20/12 . chapter 3
I'm really eager to know more about Kristoph's past. The way he mentions hell and heaven sometimes is so darn interesting. It'll be cool too see why he thinks that way sometimes. There has to be a reason for a character's personality, after all.
[I wasn't always callous and unforgiving, craving violence like a babe craves his mother's tit. I had a heart. A soul. I had a wife.]
- HE HAD A WIFE? OKAY, NOW IM INTERESTED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT HIS PAST.
I think... I think maybe Kristoph is sex obssesed because he misses his wife. I think. Like a part of him misses the old times and sex is his only way of forgetting/feeling good. Maybe...
[Evelyn, with her blue eyes and flawless skin, is spread-eagled under the body of a monster. He pushes into her, tearing with each thrust of his hips, hell-bent on seizing her grace for his own. Her chest is covered in blood, thin body littered with lacerations and bite marks. By this point she only manages a pathetic groan in protest to his violation. Her eyes roll back into her head, yet she still holds on. Watching me from across the room, she reaches for me, hand quaking.]
- Oh my god... That is AWFUL. UTTERLY SICK AND INHUMANE. I hardly blame Kristoph at all now for being the way he is... I mean, after seeing THAT happen to his beloved wife. Wow. That's awful. No wonder Kristoph is so dark and gloomy...
[Close your eyes, dove. Close your eyes and slip away.]
- did you mean to say 'dove' or love? either way, this bit was really upsetting. he loves evelyn, but he's telling her to just let go. that must take a lot. that really got to me. *cries buckets*
| seredemia 2/20/12 . chapter 2
Is he a fallen angel? By the looks of it, he is angel... but he's not good. I love stories to do with sin and angels and so on. It's always interesting to see religion in different points of view. For Kristoph, it's more of a debt rather than something holy or loyalty.
[They tell me I sinned, that I should feel privileged I'm given a chance to repent, but I scoff at their opinion of a fair trade.]
- I'm really liking Kristoph's thinking SO MUCH. I really love his twisted and blunt opinion. It makes me wonder if maybe he has a weak spot or something, because he sounds very tough at the moment...
[She makes my mouth water, my bones ache, and my breath tremble in my throat.]
- I also like how he sounds so darn horny all the time... xD
I don't trust Candy... Then again, I do like the interaction with her and Kristoph... They look like they... get along... very well... What I really like about it is that Candy acted all tough at the start, but Kristoph managed to bring her down. That says a lot about him... Kinda says that he's ruthless and that he just knows how people work.
(I love the names in this name btw. Kristoph and Gabriel sound very angel-like)
OOH. I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT.
| seredemia 2/20/12 . chapter 1
I LOVE the first sentence! INSTANT LOVE FOR THE STORY.
I love the narration of the story as well. It just sounds very blunt and brutal, and yet it's still poetic and sophisticated. it gives me the impression that the character is very... complex? A bit on the dark side, but he must have some reason for it.
Ooh, vampires? I cant wait to see how you portray them. I like that these vampires tend to be sadistic and rather dark. I also like how the narration is getting more blunt now. You can tell that this dude isn't the nicest of people, but he sounds pretty badass to me...
[I pull the trigger—
And I save her from herself.]
- I really do love how dark his mind is. I love the way he thinks! He's not your typical good protagonist. If anything, he's more like an antihero at the moment...
| Kelsie078 2/19/12 . chapter 32
This story is amazing I'm glad I found it.
| Rainbow35 2/18/12 . chapter 2
I liked the way Kristoph treated Candy, because for some reason I really enjoy reading people's suffering. I don't like the suffering as much as he does, but I still find it fun to read.
I also liked when Kristoph put his cigarette into the dead vampire's mouth and said he was smoking it, because that was really funny. xD I also thought it was funny when he said "Look, he even died with his mouth open. Come on, Gabriel, what does that make you wanna do? I know we're forbidden to have sex, but is skull-fuckin' considered a sin?". I think it was kind of a clever observation, and also just really funny. xD
| Deedee Elle 2/17/12 . chapter 29
'At some point in our lives, we all must acknowledge how one simple decision has the potential to reshape the world.' A great opening line and I really loved the way it started off being Kristoph talking about his decision to go to war and later became Mick explaining the chain of events to Mina that the story has followed.
I was quite confused with the time shifts at the start of this chapter. I thought we'd gone into a full flashback until the voices started, then I had to read it again to make sense of it until I worked out what was going on. Once I'd figured it out I liked the way you switch between Mina and Mick's conversation and Kristoph's memories. You've captured Mick's British inflection well.
It was good to finally see some of his past as the man before Desmond came on the scene. The fact he chose the war over Evelyn was interesting and I wonder how much you're foreshadowing there.
The contrast between Evelyn declaring how tough she is, and Mina's attitude proving her own strength was well done. I like the fact he calls Evelyn Dove, which validates Mick's opinion of him transferring his devotion.
A couple of lines stuck out in this chapter and made me laugh, the one about the blanket tent and being able to stand before you fuck.
| Palantean Writer 2/17/12 . chapter 8
"I'm sitting in the passenger's seat, gripping the handle above the car door, listening to Nathan yell at his girlfriend." Ooh okay. So having your life flash before your eyes is one thing, but your incarnation of a Grim Reaper actually experiences it with you.
"...her voice soaked in tears..." Lovely expression of how she feels, here. A very un-lovely emotion, though.
"What the fuck did you expect to happen, hanging out with a group of devil worshippers? I love you, but my fucking God, you can be so fucking stupid!" Ah, so I suppose from this that Nadia got into the satanic stuff before Nathan did.
On a slightly different note, I'm starting to find this conversation mildly confusing because the couple have such similar names: Nathan and Nadia. Maybe that's intentional - perhaps you're saying that they need to be seen pretty much as a unit, like Brangelina. Or maybe it's that I've written 3,000 words of commissions for other people and my brain's half-way to numb.
"Dave was with them!" Oh, bugger. I actually winced when I read this bit. I know a dangerous turn in the conversation when I hear one.
"Nathan applies more pressure on the gas..." Here we go. Full-on nutcase mode.
"...my grip on the suicide bar tightens..." Just a thing, but what's a suicide bar?
"He's your best friend!" Oh okay, so *that's* how the land lies.
"There's a throbbing vein on the side of his bald head..." Interesting little detail here. I associate big shows of masculinity (shouting, getting territorial about one's girlfriend, that kind of thing) with baldness, so although you didn't mention his lack of hair earlier, inserted here it just seems to fit.
"...strangling the steering wheel." I've never driven a car but I can imagine this sensation.
"I see in his eyes, feel in his heart, he's wishing they were wrapped around the necks of the men who touched his woman." For all his roughness, Krystoph is actually quite a sweetheart when it comes to relationship values. It's what redeems him for me, I actually can't help but like the guy.
"There's a demon inside me! I can feel it! It's eating me. Eating me from the inside out!" o.O She's not being metaphorical about that either, is she?
"...I clench my eyes shut." It's not very often someone puts the wind up Krys!
"I try my best to ignore the stench of the soiled couch, every inch stained with sweat and dog shit." *Recoils* Oh dear.
"...attempting to rid her womb of the demon fermenting inside." Fermenting? That really makes the demon sound noxious!
"...she committed the worse case of seppuku I've ever fucking seen." I wonder at this point whether Krystoph is turned on by this.
"What the fuck is it with women thinking it's better to hide something like this?" he asks, hunched over, desperation seeping from every syllable. "Why do they always have to try and act so fucking tough?" And there I was thinking that was a man thing!
"He pulls Nadia into his chest, rocking her back and forth, cradling her against his heart." Aww - that's really sad.
"His conviction tickles me. "I was hopin' you'd say that." Things have gone full-circle, and now Krystoph is doing pretty much what Gabriel did when they first met.
"Murder. Revenge. Suicide. Only one of those sins is sufficient in landing him in Hell, but he suffers from all three." The way I read this, I thought at first you meant that of the three sins mentioned, only one of them is punishable with Hell. Which confused me because I thought all three were. But of course, that's what you did mean. I just found it confusing at first.
"My hands are moving on their own. No, not on their own. They're now Nathan's hands; the meaty fingers have ink tattooed into the hairy knuckles." Oh! What's going on? *reads on with great interest*
"It's the knife Nadia used to kill herself." So in all his savagery, Nathan hasn't lost the capacity for poetic justice.
I'm just gathering myself while reading this, trying to work out what the point is in the whole scene playing again with Krystoph nestled behind Nathan's eyes. It was when Nathan started explaining to Krys how long it took to do this that I really started to wonder: why is this happening? I don't understand the point, but am certainly willing to read on and find out.
Thing is, there's something... *wrong* about what's going on. I think it's because it's a perversion of the way events initially ran. And that makes it seem evil, twisted somehow.
"He sees my lips contorted in a hatful leer..." Just one little spelling error here.
"Nathan! Hey, buddy!" Greeting saturated with candy-coated fear..." I can totally hear what you mean!
"The blade of my knife—Nadia's knife—slices through his neck, fueled by justice. It tears, rips, cuts." The words 'tear' and 'rip' here don't quite fit with the fact that this is a knife we're talking about. Not to me, anyway. If a knife does either of those two things then it's really not very sharp.
And I generally assume a fictional knife is sharp.
"...cherry slaughter." It's very, very rare that somebody uses the word 'cherry' as a descriptor for the colour of blood. Is this an echo of the earlier 'sugar-coated' fear Dave greeted Nathan/Krystoph with? It's clever if it is! And I wonder whether there's a reminder of the satanic virgin sacrifice here as well.
"...a red smile on his neck that stretches from earlobe to earlobe." A grin from ear to ear, eh?
"What's wrong, guys?" I call after them. "Don't you wanna see your master? Why are you running? Come back!" It's said that nuns and monks are more afraid of death than atheists. I'm interested here to see the sentiment repeated for satanists.
"I pull the trigger, one, two, three times—and he turns into a beautiful, spewing fountain." You know, I read a bit of Stephen King a while ago. I was expecting it to be like this - gratituous and bloody and dark and crisp. And yet his work is not really like that. His murder scenes have a comedic quality to them I can only describe as irritating. You write the way I expected a successful horror writer to.
"I let my gunpowder speak for me; it can be quite convincing." Fantastic!
"Demons can sense me coming..." But I thought Krystoph was already there?
"Kill you? Why, my dear boy, I already have." He has? Well, I guess the moment the girl in The Lovely Bones is killed isn't actually shown, and I guess something similar has happened here. It was a clever, disorientating effect in TLB and I actually like it shown here as well.
Ah, okay. So that was more metaphorical, then. The demon knew he'd decide to commit suicide.
- From We Return Reviews.