|Reviews for The Angel Kristoph|
| Devil's Playground 2/5/12 . chapter 30
I'm so sorry it took ages to review! TT I read these chapters a while ago but wanted to wait until I could write a decent review. Annndndd I've finally recovered from carpal tunnel and can type again, so Kristoph is my first priority!
I didn't mind the length of the chapter - it was all very interesting and important despite the lack of action, and I think the dialogue flowed very well. Stopping it at any point would've taken away from the natural flow of the conversation, so I think keeping it all together was the best way to do it.
It was nice to have a chapter for Kristoph to rest up, and for him and Mina to have some time to patch up their relationship. Despite everything that's happened, I think it's believable for Mina to forgive him given the circumstances... and I was really happy that everything seems to be working out alright, heh. It was a cool touch that she had heard about his human life in history class, as well. Learning more about Kristoph's background is always really interesting, and just when I think you've revealed all the important bits, you have new information to add!
I thought Kristoph's interactions with Mick were also really interesting... like how Kristoph is paranoid about Mick wanting his blood. I'm pretty sure if Mick was going to kill him, he would've done it up front rather than risk harboring him! But, ahh, Kristoph. He seems to have some serious trust issues, he was always doubting Gabriel as well...
And of course, I knew it was inevitable that the resting period would end. T_T Poor Kristoph, he still seems too weak to make it out in the world, but I guess he doesn't really have many options left anymore... plus, there's still some killing to be done. I'm sure there will be more action soon, and I'm excited for it!
I felt like if I did I'd be losing the only person left in my life worth living for. - "person left in my life worth living for" reads a bit awkwardly to me, might want to change the wording.
Brooding and sighing, she nods in defeat. Staying silent and casting me a glare, she crosses the room to her closet. After pulling out a purse, she turns to the both of us. - These three sentences have really similar structures, I would change at least one of them up to make the paragraph flow better.
| ShatteredUniverse.old 2/5/12 . chapter 1
'Angel', eh? Maybe on an X-rated version of "Supernatural". . .
Anyway, I found this piece to be highly effective, dispite my misgivings concerning the content. Here's why:
1. The overall characterization of Kristoph. It was highly original and unique. I loathed him because you painted such a vivid picture of his personality, not because he was an off-the-shelf stereotype.
2. The imagery used. Vivid and appropriate to both the overall mood of the story so far and the specific situation at hand.
| Palantean Writer 2/4/12 . chapter 7
"As a great man once said: "Wait'll they get a load of me."" Love the opening sentence!
"...I find myself at the correct address five minutes early." See, my first reaction to that was, 'oh gosh, that could be disastrous if a Grim Reaper turns up to a call early. If a person dies 5 minutes before they're meant to, what on earth happens to the future? Does it unravel, or does the bigger scheme of things change? But then it occurred to me that maybe this is just a throwaway event to you - that just because Krystoph is standing outside the door 5 minutes early, it doesn't necessarily mean he's going to kill his victim early.
"Clearing my head, I prepare myself for a virgin experience." Ready to break your Reaping cherry, Krys?
Ooh, so he's feeling his way blind, here. But, in classic Krystoph fashion, rather than being worried about it he's 'all atwitter' and part of him seems actually to be looking forward to it. But then, I guess affecting that he likes this kind of stuff is his way of coping. He's managed to convince himself that he likes it, though.
"...I can't think of a better day to drag someone to Hell." I'm looking forward to reading it! Does that make me a bad person?
"Sin wafts out in thick waves..." Oh aye, really? What's our victim doing while everyone else (including his wife?) is at church?
"Well, this sure as hell is the last thing I expected to see." Hmm? Tell me tell me!
"...I reach into the pocket of my jeans and pull out a pack of cigarettes. I flick open my lighter and close my eyes; the soothing burn of smoke curls down my lungs, breathes out my nose." Sorry, just - a Grim Reaper who smokes! XD
"...the house drinks it in, thirsty as a sponge." This is a strange interpretation of what's happening, and I can't put my finger on why it works well for me. But somehow it does.
"But through my lust leaks a feeling of triumph. Nathan... is my hero." I'm intrigued. Tell me what this means? *reads on*
"I jump out of surprise." That's an unusual thing for Krystoph to say!
Wow, this really is quite a job Krystoph's been set. It seems to me that he'll get used to it pretty quick - he's very used to death and being in the thick of these dark situations - so I'm not sure what it is he's really going to learn out of it. In short, I'm not sure what - really - has changed. Not that that's a bad thing, I enjoy following Krystoph, but I wonder what the structure of this story is if everything appears in effect to be exactly as it was.
"I can sympathize with his plight, devour his regret as my own, and I feel a deep kinship when knowing I'm not the only man who once turned to a firearm to solve all my problems." Pity? Perhaps, but I think what Krystoph is really experiencing here is empathy. He's got it spot on when he describes feeling kinship - he and Nathan have both been chased to the point in their lives when they decide to terminate themselves, and that must be a dreadful and unique experience.
"He lets off a groan, pushes himself up into a sitting position..." Oh! Oh, do a Grim Reaper's dead get up and walk to hell side by side with him? That would answer Krystoph's question from earlier.
"He looks at me. "What the fuck's going on?"
I couldn't have said it better myself." Perfect timing!
"Instead of the natural pigments of skin and clothes, he takes on the bluish appearance of a discarded spirit." Ah, thanks for dealing with the 'what do ghosts wear?' issue here! I would have wondered.
"He stares down at his dead body, eyes wide and looking but not seeing. There's enough shock on his face to make me wonder if he thought things were going to be different." Well of course, he thought there was going to be oblivion. But now he can stand and talk and think and do all the things he could when he was alive. I bet he's a bit freaked out.
"Hell." He swallows over a lump in his throat. "It's funny how we're never given the evidence it exists until the day we die. It's like getting caught in a sham, pants down around our ankles." They're two of a kind :P
Hmm, so there's a fifth guy in the gang-rape picture. I wonder whether there's anything important about that or whether that's just scenery in this story.
The Grim Archive writes itself. Ooh-ee.
This was another intense, episodic chapter and I enjoyed it a great deal - it was almost endearing to see Krystoph winging it and only half-knowing what to do.
- From We Return Reviews.
| Initially loaded 2/3/12 . chapter 31
Can't WAIT for the action!
| Deedee Elle 2/3/12 . chapter 28
Another good chapter. Great to see Kristoph finally getting confronted about the first death. I'd have liked to see him show even more remorse though as a signal of how far he's changed. I guess there wasn't really time without upsetting the pace of the chapter. I'm slightly surprised that Mina didn't react more at shooting him, she seemed overly calm considering she just shot him three times. I presume she must have known he wouldn't die though.
I think this really comes alive with the appearance of Gabriel. The description of Kristoph's pain was really vivid and Mina coming to the rescue was wonderful after him saving her before. It really shows her as a strong character that she'll try to gun down an angel for him.
Now I was sort of expecting Kristoph to be freed, though I thought he'd somehow do it himself so having Gabriel do it was a cool twist. Of course now he seems to be leaving K to die so I'm not sure how altruistic it really was. I'm really looking forward to seeing how this gets resolved, presumably some vampire related stuff if he's going to Mick's.
| thenutrunningthenuthouse 2/2/12 . chapter 31
Any chapter named euphoria going to have sexual material. :P XD
[Remember when I said I was gonna smash that damn radio to pieces the moment I got back on my feet?
Well, here I am, breath held in trepidation, fingers shaking, eyes locked on the small, offensive object. It's an old radio with a spin dial and wood finish...] - LOL, this is best way to open up a chapter, let me just say! Oh Kristoph v. Radio, FIGHTFIGHTFIGHT.
[So this brings me to one conclusion: a Templar's weapon is only as deranged as its user.
And I'm fuckin' nuts.] - Love this set of lines. Kristoph has quite a clever way of getting his points across.
Lol, there's something funny and awkward about Kristoph begging and getting mad about her being a tease.
LOL, that one moment with the Templars walking in...that must've been one of the most awkward moments of their immortal lives. At least they get shot in the end, right? XD
Nice job, as usual! Keep it up!
| Deedee Elle 1/30/12 . chapter 27
I read this chapter with a real sense of trepidation, expecting it to end badly. What with the (excellent as usual) descriptions of the chaos in the city, I was expecting a showdown with either side when Kristoph got to his destination. I sure as hell wasn't expecting what I got! Phew- really hot. The mention of Evelyn and the regret that she was't waiting for him like that was a really sad inclusion of regret, a great reminder that even though he's obsessed with Mina he hasn't forgotten his first love. Also it was a cool signposting that something terrible would be waiting for him so I was totally wrong footed.
The sex scene itself was really great, the descriptions of the sounds, scents, tastes were really evocative and of course the fact that things didn't go all his own way was wonderful. The unexpected curtailment of his fun was note perfect- unexpected but made perfect sense, and it did him good to be brought down a peg or two what with him crowing about how great it was going to be.
That last line was an absolute bastard too! Really pulled the rug out, even though it was half expected.
| cerebral1 1/26/12 . chapter 30
Beautiful romance! I love how Kristoph ends the chapter:"...how can I forget her? She's already a part of me." Swoon!
Love also the analogy at the beginning of "their garden is full of worms..." Again, a clear picture in my head of Kristoph's mind-set.
"...I'm the most stubborn bastard you'll ever meet..." funny!
Also funny is Kristoph dying for a smoke, and Mick just sucking away on his right in front of Kristoph. I could just see the scene so clearly; you do a great job with description from Kristoph's point of view.
"...my goddess' nectar is the only drink able to quench my thirst." Beautiful on every level.
A few grammatical fixes: "Trialing time" should be "trying time."
Not sure, since it's difficult for me too, but I think "a reward for whoever can capture" might have to be "whomever." Not positive, though. Ask some other people, too.
Lastly, near the end, when Kristoph asks himself how only one of them "effect me" it should be "affect me." That I do know for sure. :)
I find each chapter so engrossing, esp. since the romance has become such an integral part of the story. I dread to see what happens when Desmond gets a hold of Mina; for I'm sure that will happen. Remember, I vote for a happy ending!
Loved it again, as always!
| Initially loaded 1/24/12 . chapter 30
LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!
| thenutrunningthenuthouse 1/23/12 . chapter 30
Hello there! I always feel like we have huge communication gaps. o_o Ah well, onto le reading...
Okay, somehow the first thought I have is that quelled is a really awesome word. My second is that the newscaster said it twice. If it isn't intended as the newscaster being one of those "I'm so much smarter than everyone look at my big vocabulary" guys, I'd eliminate one of them for the sake of syntax.
Kristoph is auburn (hair colored)! I always imagined him as being dark haired! Damn my stereotypical mind!
Wait, what happens to angels if they die? I suppose Kristoph would just get dragged to Hell at that point what with the angels and Heaven people kind of hating him and hunting him...
["No, dove, you saved my life. I bet the second Mick was done patchin' me up he was on his knees lappin' my blood off the floor like some rabid dog—"] - this is a really funny image, despite the context...
["I'm a history major, remember?"] - my mind is blown by how that just changed my opinion on Mina. I've always been iffy with her thinking she was still a bit of a dirty prostitute (preferred the idea of Kristoph and Evelyn), but this is just like, y'know, she has a lot more to her. I bet she's really smart. Ahh, she's like a modern hetaera (Greek prostitute who got an edumacation and ran her own business - she'd be used for sex but she was also specialized in things like conversation - who knew humanities class was good for something?)!
[ I thought about the Colonel Kristoph Montgomery I'd read about in class. And I don't know if you've noticed, but Kristoph isn't exactly a common name. It wasn't until a couple days ago I finally made the connection, though. Now I feel kinda like I'm talking to a celebrity."] - the crazy thing is I'd be the same way if I frickin' met a famous colonel! Okay, Mina's in my epic book right now. And lol, to think she slept with someone she read about in a history book.
I really liked how Kristoph opened up about his human life with Mina. It'd be really cool to see more flashbacks of that time. It's so interesting seeing the man Kristoph was in life and how that contrasts with the ...err man he is now. Great job with this chapter. Only thing I'd make sure to keep notice of is that in Mick's dialect he uses chum a bit too much to where it's a bit awkward.
| Stephanie M. Moore 1/23/12 . chapter 22
Oh! I love this chapter. I suspected from the chapter title that it was Mina's point of view, and it was the second paragraph confirmed it.
I liked Mina's point of view. It's different from Kristoph's, because I feel like it's more literal, I suppose. Her mind is not as creative as Kristoph with metaphors and such (and devoid of his sexual fantasies, ha.) This was an interesting dive into her mind.
I thought Mina's transition from anger and revenge to fear was really well done. Hell, I was scared for her. This chapter really unfolded well. It's quite gruesome and graphic, but it's really evocative and well-written.
Wow. It's Desmond. I think the conversation between Desmond and Kristoph is just mesmerizing. I couldn't stop reading, and there's some dreadful foreboding there. I can't wait to see what happens. Poor Kristoph, though... his nemesis is back with the intent to ruin the second woman he loves. Poor, poor Kristoph. The story about Lucifer and his fall was an interesting twist, too. I liked it.
Wow. This chapter was great- a very quick read. Awesome work!
| Initially loaded 1/17/12 . chapter 29
I whole heartedly love this!
| Dragon made me do it 1/14/12 . chapter 13
Hello again Kristoph, it's been a while since I saw you last, but I heard your creator mentiont smut and violence, and I thought it was about time I stopped by to say hello.
Speaking of which, what is interesting about this breed of smut is that it is mostly directed at depicting males and what's more, the main character. it puts a unique spin on it to objectify this very three-dimensional, male, supernatural character.
'I've heard people say silence is a virtue, but they're full of shit.' -classic opening, and perfect timing for a decent spot of no-nonsense humour.
'Obsessed. Am I obsessed? I've only known her for a day, and she consumes my thoughts.' - I like the fact that Kristoph actually questions whether or not he is obsessed when it seems patently obvious (unless you meant it in a sarcastic sort of way, in which case I might italicise the 'I' to give readers the benefit of the intonation that is absent in text.
'She's more than welcomed to join me.' - I thought the expression was 'welcome' but I could be wrong.
'Does she think she's clever by admitting to her lie?' - I wasn't sure what you were referring to here, do you mean a lie in the sense that Kristoph sees some inconsistency in the way she is happy even though her brother died and yet gives the appearance of being generally empathetic?
'Sometimes I wonder if I'm too accustomed with snapping teeth and mocking laughter to enjoy normality.' - I think the expression is 'accustomed to' or 'comfortable with' but not 'accustomed with'
'Through my kindness, around my compassion, I make a terrible mistake in trying to relate to her pain' - yet more development in Kristoph's character. He really wants to be a bastard but sometimes a nice guy seeps through somehow.
I had to look up 'addicting' because it looked wrong to me. What I found was that some dictionaries include it while others don't, but that 'addictive' is safer. Although I suppose Kristoph isn't into being safe.
Sometimes it surprises me how little insight he has into human emotions, but then it really shouldn't, because he is not only male, but a fallen angel at that. It is entirely appropriate, and yet still for some reason surprising.
"You said one of your roommates names is Sarah?" - roommates should be roommates' (not roommate's because this would refer to one roommate with several names... I think)
'I don't need to tell myself how fucked up it is to masturbate in Mina's driveway' - it is almost like he considers this worse than assaulting her, odd, but given his general lack of insight into human behaviour, it kind of fits somehow.
Another great chapter :-)
| lalaland22 1/13/12 . chapter 28
Wonderful writting, as per usual, your similies and metaphores and analogies are just gorgeous and so fucking inventive. The wierd thing, is that your writing is beautiful without sounding overly poetic, so kudos on that...but this 'relationship' with Mina just seems a bit flawed.
I mean, she loves the fact that he wants 'her' but it still seems like he likes how similar she is to Evelyn..he almost never mentions something about her without bringing up Evelyn. I get that he is intrigued by her mystery but it just seems odd at how much he loves her...it just begs the question of how much he actually loves Mina and how much does he jsut love the fact that he is getting a second chance with a different Evelyn?
Then there's Mina, considering that she has lost everyone and is obviously insecure-from the way previous men have treated her-she was bound to fall for him, but someone as blunt and honest as Kristoph, I'm surprised that he hasn't questioned Mina's unwavering devoution to him this soon after meeting him especially considering that most of their encounters have not been... .
Idk, maybe it's only fitting for this thing they have to be flawed and twisted since kristoph isn't necessarily the most stable
| Cat Parmegiani 1/12/12 . chapter 29
This story is absolutely incredible. One of the best I've ever read on FictionPress, probably THE best under the supernatural category. Kristoph is an amazing character, and very, very unique. The plot is interesting and air-tight (meaning there aren't annoying contradiction or weak motivations for the actions of the characters to bring the story down). I love your writing style; you create vivid imagery and give your characters loud voices (meaning that despite all the fictional elemets of the supernatural, they feel like real people). This is probably your 562th review or something, and I'm glad to add to that number. You've got a really great thing going on here and I can't wait to read some of your other stuff.