|Reviews for Within the week|
| M.R. Hill 7/13/11 . chapter 1
For something that's short, I liked the feel of suspense for this. I feel the relationship within itself doesn't necessarily need to be elaborated on too much, it's more about subtext of things. The progressive build throughout the days was pretty interesting in itself as I've not really seen style before. Personally, I like how simple this is in approach really. Plus the whole Friday reveal and where it was leading at with Monday. I'm actually a bit hooked to see what would happen next.
| megger 6/25/11 . chapter 1
"It's just me, my books[,] and some guy at the far side of the cafe."
"He always looks lonely and preoccupied with his thoughts[;] only a cup of coffee to accompany him"- There was some awkward tensing issues.
"time when she comes to meet him[;] sometimes just minutes, sometimes hours but it's usually the latter"
"An hour [passes], another just seeps by."- Seeps? I get what you're trying to say, but weird word choice.
"The boy sits there[;] frustration soon kicks in "
"phone was switch off and she is stuck in a sudden class lecture"- You switched tenses; should be switched off and was stuck.
"he scrunch his eyes"- scrunches
"What in the world is his girlfriend doing"- should be was, not is.
"Well I guess his girl couldn't make it"- Missing a period.
"today[,] but that was wishful thinking"
"I didn't have the face to look at him."- You didn't have the face to look at him? I think you mean nerve.
"Why [did] I have to be the one to witness such awful things?"- The narrator may be talking in present, but she's thinking about a past event, hence the past tense.
There were a lot of grammatical errors. It wasn't so bad that I was turned off, but I definitely noticed them. I know from your profile that grammar isn't your strong point, so I tried to explain some of your shortcomings. I think it would help if you were to proofread your work more carefully in the future.
That being said, I did enjoy it. Even though there wasn't in-your-face romance going on, it doesn't need it. I actually enjoyed the hint of romance and the "what if" at the end. This is the type of piece that needs readers to think and read between the lines, which I fully enjoyed. Work on your grammar, but your plots and ideas are great!
- Club Blitz
| Rosemarysgraden001 6/22/11 . chapter 1
Ok its not very personal and thats key for romance. You really want to know the characters that are in love. We don't know what these people look like or think and want in life.
There is emotion to the piece, which is nice. But we need the suspense and the romance to be more evident. Its hardly that simple in real life.
| swamp13 6/21/11 . chapter 1
i like it (: