|Reviews for God's Wings|
| lookingwest 4/9/12 . chapter 2
I liked this because I think it actually fits into a genre of either dramatic monologue or even an inner vignette. I wouldn't really call it a story or a normal prose narrative chapter of something, because it's all reflection with minimal action and no dialogue. I think that's cool and it's unique, though in such a large quantity it did feel slow in pace because it was so reflective and the narrative voice was so serious about the subject of finding themselves. I liked that they were immortal because that was a good twist and it did make their reflection even more unique. Overall I liked what you did here because you were able to tell a story without really showing it, and you did it in a small amount of prose. I think it's successful but I wouldn't want to read anything that was any longer than this and all reflective either, you found a good balance.
| Dr. Self Destruct 4/5/12 . chapter 1
I really thought the way you wrote your sentences in this, keeping them straightforward with a similar tempo/length, helped add to Maggie's current mental state. Considering she was used an experiment for so long, until to the point where she only remember her name and the lullaby, it would be only natural for her to seem so detached and apathetic. I thought the way she narrated really helped with that feeling of abuse and helplessness, maybe even hopelessness (until we got closer to the end where things seemed to be turning out for the better).
And speaking of the ending, I'm really glad that Maggie was able to escape and can now feel happiness in watching Martha having children. I kinda feel sad for her though, knowing that she'll one day outlive Lazarus and Martha, ending up alone. Immortality can be a curse just as much as it is a blessing.
And I can't help wonder why Lazarus doesn't accept the advances of all those women. I wonder if it's because they're human? But part of me thinks he's in love with Maggie, regardless if they know each other and brother and sister. But maybe that's just the romantic in me hoping that Maggie can feel a type of happiness she was never allowed to experience during her time in captivity.
I also like how society eventually accepts - for the time being, at least. It's not something I was expecting and was very different from what is normally seen in a situation like this. Normally humans aren't the most accepting of people - but like Maggie said, this peace probably won't last long.
Thanks for the read, I really enjoyed this. :)
| lookingwest 10/16/11 . chapter 1
Stay consistent with your capitalization of "mother", you have it capitalized in the second paragraph but not the first.
Mother stopped walking and tightened her hold me. [Edit: "hold on me"]
So, overall, my biggest problem with this story is the passing of time. I didn't like that you condensed such a large scope of time into one story-a short story, I'm guessing, since it is "Complete"-I almost thing you could have ended it when they escaped, and left it with the tones of a happy ending. The rest after that felt so condensed and summarized, that I actually could see this working more as a novella than a short story, so I highly recommend you consider coming back with that "novella" mentality if you choose to do edit work for this and revision.
I liked your idea though, especially the beginning. You showed us the most here without telling, up to her escape. I liked that you introduced the story at a crucial moment and "in the middle of things", it was a great way to get the reader's attention. I want to recommend another story I'd read here with a similar beginning, it's called Fallow and it's on my favorite list, if you ever want to check it out-might be cool to see another person's take an also serve to inspire you if you choose to unfold this story and give it a bit more breathing room! I did like the uniqueness of the "vampyre" you created. I just think there's so much more that could be there, especially concerning Maggie's own feelings about the world around her, which I felt were too glazed over and summarized to get a real feel for. Your ideas are rich, but expansive, and the format of a short story allow them to open up to the full extent. That being said, I really enjoyed the concepts introduced here!