I like it, simple to understand but good. I was wondering if you would like to read some of my poetry sometime, I sure you will like it, judging by your writing. Hope you are doing fine, God bless-Daniel Mapp

i read this poem and i just really didn't want to move on without reviewing. not because i thought it was good, sorry, but because i do see potential, it's just not there yet. this poem could be so much more vivid and stark about the realities of war.

the thing is though, i feel like this isn't really a poem about war...that's the best part! you can go CRAZY with the metaphor of war you're using. it sounds almost like a love relationship gone wrong, and especially since i skimmed over your profile, i really do think that's what it is. even something right off the top of my head, like a bullet, a hollow point bullet, is the type of bullet that spreads out on contact, the type that hurts the most-maybe those can be the words that a lover might say out of rage out of hate out of pain, wounding you in the process. the bullet-the words, become a twisted hunk of burnign lead in you, and it hurts to get the bullet out, and it leaves scars so the words never really leave you.

maybe the two lovers are two enemies on the battle field..maybe the end of the relationship ends with both of them shooting each other to death...

i think you should rewrite this poem. and it doen't have to rhyme. i'm not a poet, i'm a writer, but i do understand that poetry is like an expression of intense emotion condensed into just a few words. it doesn't have to rhyme, it just has to be intense.