|Reviews for Lies and Secrets|
| Laura Scofield 7/18/11 . chapter 5
I really love how Jack is developing, as well as Jack and Emily's relationship XD The only "bad" thing i can think of is that sometimes the dialect of the pirates is hard to read, but still I think you made a great effort to write it realistically, and it adds realism to the story. You're making me care about the characters, a sign of a great writer ;D
| Laura Scofield 7/9/11 . chapter 4
Great development here :D The twist to Emily's past was well worth the wait, and I didnt see it coming. I Like how you referenced Blackbeard and did your research on him, rather than randomly making up your own pirate. this gives the story a more real feel to it :D I really like Jack, I want him to know Emily's secret, I hope he can keep quiet about it. I'm still getting to understand Emily, but every chapter I feel like I know her a little better, yet she's still quite a mystery to me. which makes me eager to read on to find out more!
Keep up the brilliant story XD
| Laura Scofield 7/6/11 . chapter 2
I'm really enjoying this story! You show great potential and ability to write creatively and originally.
I love your descriptive ability to describe things/people, I thought you did a great job especially here:
"Walking down a set of stairs she walked underneath the gangplank and surveyed her surroundings. The sand was slightly damp and the planks above her dripped slightly. Stepping forward cautiously she checked the area, slightly fearful at who could be lurking in the shadows. She turned round and gaped at the man before her, shocked into silence. The man in front of her had long black hair, which cascaded freely from his head down to his chest. Eyes so dark causing his skin to look chalky pale underneath patches of grime and dirt. He stood well over her, hitting at least six foot four. Most frightening of all was not his long jacket which was black with blood red lacing, nor his height but it was the gold hoops for earrings and the hat upon his head which bore the skull and crossbones. Both key items for a pirate."
I think you've set the story up very well so far, with a good eye for detail, but at the same time not overdoing it! The pace is very good :D Can't wait to read more, I hope we discover more about Emily's past...
| Telephonic 7/5/11 . chapter 2
Before I harp on what you should fix I want to say that this story has me hooked. It looks like its going to be a fun read and your pirate dialogue was great, they sound just like pirates in my head.
Now for the advice.
First of all I really want to know more about your main character. Since the majority of the story so far is from her perspective and I- the reader- already know she's a girl, there's no need for a ton of mystery. Maybe you're adding her history later but I would like to know why she wanted to and was prepared to run off with pirates.
Secondly, in the last part of this chapter you switch to Jack's perspective. Which is fine, I love switching perspectives it keeps things interesting. You marked where you did it which was good but then you kept switching between Jack and Emily's perspective. It's a really common mistake that writers make (I do it all the time!) but it should stay in Jack's perspective for this part so the readers don't get confused.
Since this is Jack's perspective you should probably refer to Emily as Miles. I'm assuming he doesn't know that she's a girl or that her name is Emily yet. So when he sees her he will think of her as Miles, that suspiciously girlish boy.
Anyways, I hope none of my comments are confusing. Aside from the issues with perspective you have a really nice writing style and I am excited to see more of this.