:D yay! ahaha update soon, please! :D

YEEEE that is awesome! :) gonna keep reading! :D

:D this is super awesome! gonna keep reading! :)

I really like the premise, but the dialogue sounds forced, like you're stuffing too much information into it. The things the characters say is hard to imagine. The narrator should describe the scene and backup info and the characters should probably stick to the basic idea of what they mean to say. Would you say: They're is a starbucks down the street that my uncle used to work in. There's a restroom in there. I'm going to the restroom, or would you say 'I have to go to the restroom, I'll be right back?

The plot is creative and the characters have personality. Not everybody likes each other, etc, etc. There's a bunch of good stuff, but try to work on being more realistic with what your Characters say and do. Sorry if I sound like a sob, I really do like it. :)