Grr! I must know more! Curse you for making me like this story, lolz.

xDD Can't wait for the next update!

Oh and great paragraphs once more.

I know ima seem like a big fat party pooper, but I think that posting 'bad grammar skills' and then not acknowledging your mistakes takes away from the quality of the story. I think it would be very thrilling, if not for the awkward grammar boo-boos. verb confusion can really muddle up a story and take away from the entertainment value. readers will enjoy your story much better if you pay attention to how wording and grammar sounds when the story is read. I know i'm not perfect, but readers can overlook a few spelling errors and grammar flubs; but when the story is riddled with it, the reader can have a difficult time grasping the mood and/or point.

okay that said, one way you can really help yourself realize how something sounds is to read it out loud to yourself.

okay, i usually never talk so much or critique for that matter, but I feel your story could be even more entertaining; I'm not a literature or english major, i'm just trying to help with the bad grammar thing. I know I'm trying work hard to clearly present my stories so that readers not only have an easy time reading it, but really enjoy what they read.

if you just ignore the critique, that's fine. Just know that overall, i do enjoy reading your story! X3

Ooooh . . . that was interesting! I can't wait to read more! Poor Vonshori! As you probably continue to hear, or read, from Anna, you do really good with paragraphs! I wish Dragon Queen had this many and this good of paragraphs :DD

Haha, he like cinnamon rolls huh? Hehe, awesome! I like them too? Hehe, I'm like, secretly in love with him. xDD But shh, don't tell. Nice chappie. I loved it and can't wait to read the next chapter!

I must know what it was he saw and why he can't 'member!

Oh, and once more, nice paragraphs! xDD

Update soon! (Whenever you get the chance!)

xDD Haha! I have read and I once again, it! xDD I think . . . They end up together! xDD Hehe. UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! xDD Nah, j/k. Take yer time. And :PP I didn't think was to long . . . But then again I do love to read.

You're doing FABULOUS on yer dialogue! And once again, awesome paragraphs and explaining x))

Hm . . . there are some interesting developments so far . . . I can't wait to read more of this! :DD

This sounds really good so far, and I would love to read more :DD

woOw! I really do like this.

It has a nice set up and I can tell it has a nice plot line already.

Once again, nice paragraphs.

I love the way stuff is explained in here, I'm always trying to explain things correctly but I normally screw up, or make it more complicated than it needs to be. :PP Grr lolz I'm jealous xDD

Please update soon! I must/need to read more!

Omg! I love it! Can't wait to read more!

There was like one spelling mistake but it wasn't even that bad!

AWESOME job on the paragraphs btw! Lovely! Just beautiful xDD -little tear-

Hehe sorry, gotta little emotional.

wow this is really good i like it especially the countdown in seconds . definatly added to favourites :)

This seems like an interesting start to a story. I'd love to get a little more background on the characters and how he ended up in this situation. Looking forward to an update.