This is beautiful! I love the imagery you have here.

I'm not sure what to make of this. It seems quite different from what you normally write, punctuation-wise, at least. I really love the imagery. It feels surreal and like a strange fairy tale. I like that. Keep writing! :)

The line "via concrete via here with you" totally gets to me. Really like the decisive, clear cut ending after the stream of colorful images. You get the feeling of two buzzing people standing still.

Keep writing!

This is really good, as all of your work is that I've read. :)