|Reviews for Sulfur|
| SweetlilSunshine 8/9/11 . chapter 2
I loved Farro, and now I'm sure I'll love this story too. Keep writing, because I promise you that I will be reading!
| Rae 8/8/11 . chapter 2
This has been the best weekend ever, because I discovered your stories! It took me a day to read Farro, I was hooked on the first chapter and read it faithfully every moment I could!
I love how realistic your characters are and how the plot is so well planned, pieces coming together and mysteries solved to create a truly amazing story.
I was SO happy to see that Sulfur was already up! I look forward to following it start to finish!
| bluelibellule13 8/7/11 . chapter 2
I only found one mistake in this chapter:
"'Have you ever seen an elephant, Bomani?' I ask after we've passed were he'd seen the fennec."
"Were" should be "where". Only a small mistake, but I figured I should point it out in case you didn't notice it before publishing.
Can't wait for the next update! This story is amazing, and I can't wait for it to be completed!
| AJ Garcia 8/6/11 . chapter 2
First off! The line "from having it experienced it firsthand too many times to count." has one too many it(s) in it. Might want to consider redoing that... BUT THAT WAS AWESOME! I like it when Bomani is happy:)) her mother was a prostitute? Holy twister on Monday batman! Now SHE has issues! Everyones got problems! I kind of want her to forgive her father... Since it only hurts you and the people around you to hold a grudge\ but maybe that's just my experience... I hope their traveling ends and the fighting begins soon! I like it when Bomani is all hero and all. so forgive me for being a little impatient. Your stories are just so compelling that I just bounce around in my seat waiting for you to update:D I can see your descriptions so perfectly in my mind! Can't wait for more!
| THE BNZ 8/5/11 . chapter 2
Hooray for the new chapter! I've been waiting all day for this!
I really do want to be helpful and give constructive criticism, but you don't seem to need any. I can point out a couple errors, but otherwise the chapter is good and exciting.
So, for the errors:
-"I've been lost in the desert before, it had ended badly" sounds a bit... you know, off. I'd suggest using a semicolon in place of the comma and getting rid of the 'had'.
-"Callouses" is misspelled; it should be 'calluses'.
-"...marking the end of our two day dry spell..."; the words 'two' and 'day' should have a hyphen between them.
-"You never were a great climber were you?"; there should be a comma between 'were' and 'you'.
-"... a great unicorn upon its head..."; it would sound less awkward and odd if you changed it to something like, "a great single horn upon its head..." or something.
See, there is, like, NOTHING wrong with this chapter for me to offer constructive criticism on. It makes me feel guilty so I nitpick. Sorry. :(
But this chapter is even BETTER. I like how everyone is getting surly with each other, and it was hilarious (to me at least) how much Bomani enjoyed regaling those guys with tales of his incredibly manly pursuits. He's such a derp. :D
And I totally didn't expect that Khensa's surrogate mother would be a prostitute! I really did not. But I do love how she calls her "Mama", because she's otherwise so tough, but that adds a bit of childishness to her harsh exterior.
So, I'm even more excited for the next chapter! Please carry on, although I wish you'd update more often than just Fridays. It's not likely, but still. Maybe you'll up the ante in the final chapters or something? I can only hope.
| bulletproof.cupid 8/5/11 . chapter 2
AHAHA! It's Friday! Friday! Gotta get down on Friday! :p (such a nasty, mindless song by a twit nonetheless!) Glad it made you laugh!
So Bomani, yet again you steal away my heart! He's opening up and I love it - I do! It's come naturally - and very true to life - where Khensa (as well as the rest of the crew) is surprised to see him open up like he is. Sure, he privately simmers in anger (and I love that Khensa knows him enough to acknowledge his anger is short-lived and benign) but he's showing more and more of himself as the 'days' go by. Lovely! His body seems like a story, instead of ink, he has white lines curved into delicate maps of his past. It's beautiful. I personally love it when you can tell so much just by looking at someone - it's awesome :)
Khensa, on the other hand, is beginning to learn bits and pieces about her mother. Ick, growing up trained to be a geisha (as I like to call it!)... not so good! I wonder if Bomani saw he that way in the starting? But as we can tell, she is a woman who makes good tea... and eeeee (my heart squealed) when Bomani asked what that told about Khensa! Yes Bomani, yes, Khensa would make you a brilliant wife - with talent and guts and intelligence to stand up to you while fighting for you! Le sigh, how my heart squeals for the moment when they fall in love! :D Anyway, intesting mother tidbit aside, I can see how distraught it makes Khensa :(
Ending off, I would just like to say your descriptions within this chapter blew me away. Examples:
"The air explodes with the smell of oranges and cloves, and the cinnamon bark unfurls like a morning glory at sunrise." - Good Lord, such imagery and sheer brilliance. When I read lines like this, it makes me want to rejoice for good literature! It makes me want to scream, "Screw you Stephanie Meyers/Twilight... there's still hope in this world!" It's just beautiful and I imagine a tangerine sunrise with dew-dipped flowers :)
"That emerald smudge in the distance – the foothills." - This sentence particularly, it's simple and very apt, but by adding 'emerald' to the line, you've transformed it. Lovely work!
Alrighty then! Good work with the chapter. Didn't notice any obvious mistakes *high-five* Gotta wait for another 7 days before we get another mighty chapter. Take care and good luck x
| d12e8k6 8/5/11 . chapter 2
I really enjoy these books! They're so awesome!
| Inbobniac 7/31/11 . chapter 1
Sorry this took me a while; I just got back from Colorado today, where internet isn't really encouraged in camp.
Anyhow, I was so excited when I saw that you finally started Sulfer! I cut my friend off in mid-sentence to squeal. It took me a few minutes to recall who everyone is (I'm still struggling on Ghari.) Mbiki is Khensa's father, correct? I'm debating if I should just go back and read Farro. It's still summer and I still have no life. Which, by the way, you could totally fill up with updates... *COUGHHINTCOUGH* Not like I have four stories that all require updates or anything...
I'm still giggly over Bomani. And some part of me played with the idea of him shouting "GARRR YOU KILLED MY MOM" and shoving Khensa over the edge. Then realizing she's their best bet to get passed the mountains and having to tell everyone he pushed her over the edge of a cliff. THEN he'd realize he LIKE likes her. IFFF you know what I mean.
Which you do.
Because I've mentioned so before.
BAHAHAHHA SULFER IS HERE!
| AJ Garcia 7/30/11 . chapter 1
YAY! Praise the Lord, you updated! I'm so so so happy right now! Every Friday huh? Well, I will be waiting for it! I'm excited to be reading another of your amazing stories. I'm planning on buying the books a d spreading word about them because they are simply AMAZING! they are the coolest things since chocolate chip cookies!
This is a nice way ti start up the story:) but I am sad to say that I need to go back and review... I can't seem to remember much XP not good not good! You are doing wonderful. I know you won't disappoint;) good luck!
| Renaissance Phoenix 7/30/11 . chapter 1
I'm so happy this is finally up! I've been looking forward to it ever since I read Farro a couple of months ago. This is a wonderful start to the sequel, from the very first sentence. I look forward to the next chapter!
| bluelibellule13 7/30/11 . chapter 1
I only found one typo:
"So they're close: mama. Bata."
"Mama" should be capitalised, because that's Khensa's name for her. I'm not exactly sure how to explain this, but I'm sure if you Google it or something you might get a better explanation...
I am SO SO happy you finally posted this! I've been checking nearly every week since April for Sulfur to be posted, and I love it already! Can't wait for the next chapter!
| PromptingShizzle 7/30/11 . chapter 1
Amazing and totally worth the wait. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
I really liked Bomani's selective hearing. :)
I couldn't spot any typos or anything here, so, all in all perfecto! :D
| Emmy41 7/30/11 . chapter 1
It's finally here! Totally worth the wait. The chapter was great! I will be waiting patiently for the next chapter of awesomeness! :)
| THE BNZ 7/29/11 . chapter 1
Okay, had I checked my FP account earlier in the day, I would have shrieked with pleasure upon discovering that, FINALLY, Sulfur had begun. But it's late, so I can't do that. SAD.
But since I never really reviewed Farro until near the end, I am going to compensate by doing the best I can to give helpful criticism in addition to ecstatic, fawning praise. But I doubt I'll be able to in this chapter; it's fabulous already. Your writing has definitely improved over the course of Farro-it's obvious in this first chapter here. I remember that the chapters of the previous book were riddled with grammatical and spelling errors, typos or not. Here, you have clearly taken the time to go over the chapter for basic errors, and I appreciate it greatly. :D
And I just have to say that I love Bomani because his awkwardness with Khensa is hilarious. I'm glad to see that he hasn't improved his social skills very much.
So, I am INCREDIBLY excited to watch the story unfold, and can't wait until the next chapter. Thanks.
| bulletproof.cupid 7/29/11 . chapter 1
So I got overly excited last night, and in a bout of happiness, I sent you one of my crack-headed messages! I'm just so super excited that this is finally up and I can read it, live it and love it. Le sigh!
Anyway, to start of with my review as I promised!
Lovely eventful chapter. I like how it picks up the pace as we continue reading - and especially how everyone's getting along so well! It's quite amazing! Ghari with Mbiki, Shana and Bomani with their snorts, Shana and Jarai - and of course, Khensa and Bomani. My reviews always focus on characters and my impression of them. I'm sorry to say grammar cliches don't always jump out at me - I'm too into the story to notice them and it's not my fault! However, going back to Bomani and Khensa, you can clearly see something between them has changed. It's very subtle, and almost palpable, but it's there and it's wonderful. It's much more than understanding - it's compassion and trust, and dare I say it, the beginning of a friendship! Oh how it makes my heart pitter-patter! :D
Moving on, you give them a moment at the Abyss and it brings everything from Farro into Sulfur. Khensa's guilt, Bomani's sorrow, their curiosity of the Abyss and where the dead may go - but we now see them in a new light; they are teetering on this line of trust... and they do want to open up to each other but given their pasts, and their stubborness (Khensa more than Bomani!) it'll take a while. I do however, appreciate that he took Khensa there, not just out of curiosity, but that he thought that she could see where her mother now rests. I love the boy! (It's crazy how much of a Bomani fan I am! Screw Edward and Jacob, I would want Bomani any day... and Peeta!)
Looking forward to the next chapter. So wish you could post it sooner but I shall be (unwillingly) patient! Good luck duckie, and wish you the best x