|Reviews for The Dragon Mage Series Book1: Summer of Beginnings|
| Esmee Lock 9/29/11 . chapter 2
Okay, first I have to say that the story so far had captured my attention which takes a lot. ) I like the two characters already and the story line so far. I can't wait for you to update. I'm interested in on what's going to happen, _
| Chrissy Ax 8/19/11 . chapter 1
This was well written, and I enjoyed it. I'm interested in what happens next!
| Skylar Youth 8/15/11 . chapter 2
A great continuation from chapter 1, to plunge into the dream is a good hook mechanism for writing. This time round you described the place and the people in it, giving the reader a vivid landscape and view of the characters in your story. I enjoyed the way Robert seems so confused and frustrated, wanting to know more about this strange Howard and world he suddenly dreamed of.
Boots & then looking for his favourite hiking boots
Also, the narrative style works well with the story, centring around one particular character (Robert) which then expresses his thoughts and feelings without the complications of a first POV story. However the drawbacks of this is that sometimes it could get a little too informal when written. I also struggle with the balance between formal & informal writing in the third person POV when its centred around one particular character.
“From each book, one or the other of the friends would find an interesting monster and write down some quick notes about it.”
Perhaps it would read better if it were simply: “from each book, they would…” which is easier for the reader to read and wouldn’t feel tongue-tied.
Apart from that, it is a strong and interesting start to your tale. I look forward to reading more of what you have in store for Robert and Drake.
| Skylar Youth 8/15/11 . chapter 1
It’s a great start to your story, the dialogue explains plenty about what kind of characters you have. The chapter also sets the scene of what type of story it’ll be and when it’ll be set, which is great because all readers want to know a little bit of what’s in store for them to get them reading & interested.
I also like the ending of the chapter, where it gives a bit of foreshadowing of events, ensuring the reader’s interest is kept to continue writing.
What I would improve on (which I find I need to do myself in The Hatchling) is setting the scene & describing characters. You’ve got the dialogue down and the behaviour between Drake and Robert, friendship which borderlines on brotherhood, however if you perhaps told us where exactly the high school is and what it looks like. Say if its in a town, is it bustling, quiet or a bit of both? Is it set in the US or in a completely different country? Just give the reader an idea of where they’re reading and it’ll help immensely for what they’ll picture in their head.
Also for characters, (I slip up on this also & have been editing The Hatchling to ensure it doesn’t happen) is to describe the main characters. Of course its good to just jump right into the storyline, but at some point during the first chapter, perhaps you could include a description of Drake and Robert? Perhaps what they’re wearing (I.e school uniform) and what they look like. I noticed you did mention the colour of Drake’s hair and eyes but not Roberts. If you give us solid descriptions then drop in the hair colour & eye colour throughout the story afterwards, then the image of the character will be solid in the reader’s mind.
The final thing which I’ve noticed, and which fiction press is notorious for, is the indication of the scene jumps. If you just had a couple of letters to show where the scenes are split then the reader won’t feel lost.
But apart from that, a great and interesting start to your story!