|Reviews for This is the Story of a Girl|
| Katalina Tomas 8/13/11 . chapter 1
I'd watch the capitalization of the i's, but this was good besides that. This was sad and well written, when you brought her hopes up only to have them crashing down. I liked the way you linked the beginning and the end, where she says that she hates her name.
Good luck in the WCC!
| Dr. Self Destruct 8/12/11 . chapter 1
This story is indeed very dark and dreary. I don't normally enjoy characters who lump an entire sex/race into a certain category because of past experiences, but I suppose Hope does have a pretty valid reason behind hating men. I did like how she was with Martin in the beginning, considering he wasn't perfect. It kinda made the two of them fit well together.
But then he ended up cheating on her - and with a teacher at that. Considering that and how the judge made Hope sleep with him, I'm beginning to wonder what the hell is wrong with the people in the city in which she grew up, haha. Sounds to me like it's nothing big a giant cesspool of human sin.
Ah, such a tragic ending. I was hoping she'd find some joy in life before she died, considering how far she's fallen, but I suppose not. Such is life.
| SerryBerry 8/11/11 . chapter 1
breathtakingly amazing. Gorgeous stunning writing 3 Loved every word of it
| Sercus Kaynine 8/11/11 . chapter 1
It was impressive how you hooked the reader with angry emotions and managed to hold them there. It kept me interested. Also, there were some very creative insults you came up with there.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
| Orellin Vvardengra 8/10/11 . chapter 1
I can't help but to think that some of this may have been taken from your life. Sure not all the terrible things, but those little pains that if twisted slightly would make an amazing story. If any guy does that, I'll kick they're ass just say the word ;) Seriously though, guys shouldn't do that to women. Any ways about the actual story. I loved it! The characters were well made and Hope's past was thought out extraordinarly well! (Sorry for the typo's by the way). Not exactley sure what I click to vote for it but you got mine! Keep up the good work! Oh! I also started writing chapter five, four is still on paper and I'm going to edit the crap out of it, need to touch up my others as well. Fuck that spanish teacher! Dumb hooker face.
| Javajive 8/10/11 . chapter 1
Hi there, from a wcc friend. This piece seems like a good beginning of a larger , longer story, well I guess it could have been if she hadn't died in the end. Or did she?
The whole sixteen year old and left alone sits uncomfortably in my stomach throughout reading this. At sixteen you're still a child, though you don't realize this until much later. The fact that your character Hope has the discipline to take care of school as well as working all week at the diner just, ah, crap, how many kids could carry that on for any amount of time? And even though she hates her life and has obviously had her share of traumatic childhood experiences, I don't experience her personality as that of a victim.
The weed in the locker took me a bit by surprise to tell you the truth. I had expected a more of a goody-good shoes character . It was a good kind of surprise though.
I enjoyed reading about her relationship with Martin. It was nice to see that she has 'someone' at least. But then once you have established how rare this is for Hope and how he is really the only one she has you hit us in the head with the French teacher. ugh.
I liked the take on the prompt and can sympathize with her hating her name, seeing as how completely opposite of hopeful her situation is and then still, she can't help having hope after all. Only to come full circle with the Martin-French teacher scene.
A fine job and good luck with the contest!
| Susanne Elisabeth 8/9/11 . chapter 1
This was one of the best short stories I have read in a while. I really enjoy stories that make you think, and this did a wonderful job at doing so. I'll be sure to pass it onto others. Bravo
| JameeceAwesome Person 8/5/11 . chapter 1
Oh wow Becca. This was freakin amayzazing. Seriously. Especially since its written from your own mind ya know? Anyways love it. I liked the beginning and freaking love the ending. I can definitely see why she despises her name. If I were her I would too. Keep up your supermegafoxyawesomehot writing, kay? Bye(:
| Aura1402 8/5/11 . chapter 1
:O - literally my face after reading this. ! Such a sad and shocking little story but then again not every story can have a happy ending. I loved it :) for once there's a story that says love sucks and it isn't all mushy and sickly D
Well done, the story's short but that's the best part about it. It's very different and original ] I really did enjoy reading this... Except for the part where it said she wanted to turn him into a pizza and eat him... Eww *shudders* haha. Good story though
| Stephanie M. Moore 8/4/11 . chapter 1
I like the way you use Hope's name to book-end the piece. It made that last line particularly poignant.
There were some scattered spelling and grammar inconsistencies. The main one I noticed that your other reviewers have not was "initially" not "innitially."
This was a sad piece. Wow. I do like the way you invest some time developing your character, exploring her life instead of just wallowing in the philosophy. And it's even worse, because she seemed like such a strong person. i wasn't expecting her to kill herself (though I didn't exclude it completely... everyone seems to have a taste for the melancholy this month.)
Nice work and best of luck!
| Dragon made me do it 8/4/11 . chapter 1
I like your original take on the prompt. It is a quite plausible proposition that to be cruel means to have suffered in the past. I think you needed as much back story as they are included to present the case for this idea. ( and by this I mean the implications in naming the character hope, rather than in the ending where it is the hope that she feels in a relationship that is cruel and not herself).
I also strangely felt a connection to the taming of the shrew, in her reactions to men and relationship with Martin.
The other stories that I have read of yours have all been historical, so I was quite impressed at your versatility in changing styles with this story.
I felt that the line 'later that night, she took her roommates pistol and at the same to her head.' Came a little bit abruptly. It might be better to make this a new paragraph and perhaps add a sentence or two to work your way up to this. it's up to you though, depends how abrupt you want to make it feel, because there is also some impact in the suddenness of it.
Great work and nice to see here is experimenting with styles, good luck in the contest!
I have never seen crappy spelt 'crappie' but I could be wrong. Worth checking if you're not sure.
Hellhole I think is one word but I am not sure if your version is also okay.
'Some rich bitches of the classy side of town' perhaps would sound better as 'some rich bitches from the classy side of town'.
'Rutine’ should be 'routine'.
'melevolent' should be 'malevolent'.
'wholey' should be 'wholly'
| Luridpretty 8/4/11 . chapter 1
There are some spelling inconsistencies, like "crappie" instead of "crappy", but they really don't distract from the story much. You really got my sympathy going for Hope, and when she died, it was crushing. I was enjoying her relationship with Martin, too, because he wasn't perfect but she loved him anyway. It made me especially sad when he cheated on her.
Good job :) Good luck in the contest!
| too.much.of.water 8/4/11 . chapter 1
My god, this was dark. What stuck a chord most was the beautiful, if not quite depressing simplicity of Hope's life and the way you portrayed it. You were right to describe your piece as 'vibrant', because it really was; grimly colorful and movie-esque.
"...epitome of the phrase, "Shit happens."" Such a concise, very realistic adolescent way to sum up such an existence as Hope's.
The only problems I found were a couple of typos which are pretty easy to fix :)
Overall, great job and good luck in the competition, though I'm sure you'll do fantastically.