While I'm intruiged by your plot line, which is original and interesting enough to keep me reading, your writing style falls a little flat for some reason. It's not all the sentences, but a majority of them just don't flow right together. I think it's just a matter of practice, really. Oh and while I love the character of Rachel, I would work on making Kaname a little more relatable. Her reasoning and confusion seems a little non-cohesive at times. But over all with time and some hard work I feel like you could be quite a fine author :)

This was a beautiful chapter :)

Damn. Iris reminds menof Professor Umbridge from Harty Potter for some reason :(

Rachel! Was this the end or is there more?

It's sweet how rachel handled the drawing :) I want a Rachel haha

Lol rachel is an amazing girl :) so brave of her to defy the law

Awww this was really cute :)

I just found this now and I can't wait to read more :)