|Reviews for Hakujou na Enjinsha Black Jack|
| Loraine Wentworth 9/26/12 . chapter 2
I like the bit of back story you weave in here. It's nicely done- it tells us what we need to know without being info-dumpy and gives a few clues to Akina.
I like this chapter because it both moves the plot along by telling us about the hunters and what their mission is, and it sets up the main characters. You do a great job of characterizing them- I already feel I know a bit about their personalities from just this one chapter. I get the impression that Kondou is going to be troublesome to the others, I'm interested to find out how they react to it in the long-term. I get the impression that Akina is going to get really annoyed with her at some point.
| Vivace.Assai 9/15/12 . chapter 25
Sorry it took so long for me to get to this epilogue. I was so excited when I saw you had updated, but then school caught up with me and well... onto the review!
Okay, first thought after finishing this epilogue: I did not expect that in way of an ending. There are so many open-ended parts and so many questions that remain in need of an answer. For example, what happened to the main characters? We know Kana died. But what of Jin and Akina? What happened to them? Are they dead? Or are they just in the hospital? And how did Jack even escape from detonation and what other powers do he possess? It's clear he's a very powerful being - more powerful than we've been led to believe. And since he's alive, he's obviously going to do a lot more in the future. So, yeah, I definitely feel this story needs a sequel; you can work on other projects first before returning to this again but I'd like to see one. There are so much loose ends that need to be closed. Plus, this was an intriguing story and Jack has so much more to be explored.
But anyways, onto the epilogue itself.
I really like how you switched back to third person POV with this epilogue. It kind of gives this overarching feel when comparing with how you had third person in your prologue. Furthermore, the switch allowed readers to explore a factual - no emotion attached - depiction of Jack's rampage. I mean, there were no talk of the emotions. You told us what happened and let us decide our own feelings on everything through your descriptions. And well, you've gotten me shocked, surprised, and interested.
Furthermore, your descriptions in this chapter were really nice. You really got the intensity of the scene and the danger that's occurring. I felt like I could envision exactly everything that was happening. With an action-packed chapter like this epilogue, that's perfect.
So this was a nice conclusion to the story. I was expecting something more conventional but you pleasantly surprised me. I can't wait to read your future stories. :)
Thanks for sharing this great story with us! It was really intriguing, exciting, but also quite thematic in how it explored human nature!
| Loraine Wentworth 9/2/12 . chapter 1
There is some lovely description here which really adds to the mysterious atmosphere,
e.g. the sky was dark and clouded, puffs of purple and grey against black veiling the dim light of the crescent moon
The carefully written, atmospheric description that opens the story made it slightly dream-like: definitely a great opening. I like the slow pace here. It's really different to a lot of prologues, which often function merely as info-dumps. This one, though, is very original.
You've also effectively set up the plot here, with the murder, and hinted a a frightening villain with supernatural powers. I'm looking forward to reading more!
| Account-Discontinued 8/26/12 . chapter 25
-flails- I'M PROBABLY GOING TO GO NUTS IF THERE ISN'T A SEQUEL D:. SO YES, SEQUEL PLEASE! I kind of expected Jack would get away, but I never thought he'd go on a complete rampage, especially after "Endgame". I want to know what happened to Akina and Jin, this is a big cliffhanger for me. -table flip- I know you might want to start another project, but please, give time for a sequel D:
| seredemia 8/26/12 . chapter 25
so jack's birthday is on august 7. WE MISSED IT. WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME SO WE COULD HAVE CELEBRATED IT ON TWITTER OR SOMETHING.
and you troll you.
i was convinced that jack would die. because you kept tweeting about it. DAMN YOU. I WAS CONVINCED HE WOULD DIE. BUT NO HE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO ESCAPE BEING BLOWN TO BITS. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT JACK WOULD BE TOO EPIC TO DIE. BUT YES. NOW THAT MEANS HE CAN BE IN THE SEQUEL (IF YOU MAKE ONE).
jack was so badass when he was killing all those people ;_; AND OMG HIS EYES TURNED RED. AND HE HAS BADASS POWERS. I do wonder about the limits of Jack's powers cos he was AWESOME at the end. ALL THAT BLOOD. YES. GO JACK. GO KILL THE IDIOT HUMANS.
and here's me thinking jack was going to turn good in the end and kill himself... WHY DID I FALL FOR YOUR TRICKS. DAMN YOU. *shakes fist*
KEEP ME UPDATED ON THE POSSIBILITY OF THE SEQUEL, OKAY? this was such a good story and i'm sad to see it end :( i am really curious about what happened to akina and jin though...
| DutchAver 8/26/12 . chapter 25
Okay, I must admit that I hadn't expected such a cliffhanger-y ending as this one. I can surely say, YES I WANT A SEQUEL. Hopefully soon, though I know you're probably going to be tied up with your other projects first. But I would absolutely love a sequel because I have to know what happened to Jin and Akina. Because, as far as I know, I don't know anything about whether he made it or not. And whether Jack is going to succeed in his goal of exterminating all humans on earth(which would be bone-chilling, I hope someone will be out there to stop him). Will Akina harbor angry feelings of revenge, stopping Black Jack? It certainly doesn't seem like there's anyone able to stop him now, to be honest. He won't stop until he's the only one left on this earth, right? Because I don't think there are any other Astra left.
This has certainly been a very interesting and exciting story to follow. You're very good in unpredictable plot twists and you surprised me often. Maybe you could've cut down on the Jack-Jin flashback thing, but that's kind of the only criticism I have.
Like you said when you reviewed the last chapter of TBOSN; 'I don't normally read this thing so this was a first'. I think I can repeat those words back to you now, because this was certainly a first, since I was already reviewing this story when I had started reading Crimson White. And I loved it.
Keep writing! I don't think I've got you on author alert yet, so I'm going to do that now. Can't wait to read more of your work
| DutchAver 8/24/12 . chapter 24
Right, so, reviewing on my smartphone because I'm currently in the car with my family, heading for a day out. If I say funny things, it's autocorrect.
I loved the tense atmosphere you created in this chapter with Jin, Akina, Kana and Jack all playing for their lives. Didn't Jack have an unfair advantage because he had only one suit, while the 'good guys' had three? Even then, it was a very tense game.
Poor, poor Kana. Her death was immensely sad and well-written. I'm impressed that you make me feel so much for a character I've never really liked(and who I thought was evil for a long, long time) and it's a shame she had to die.
Jin's really trying everything he can to make Akina live, right? It's sweet, in a way. Or that's what it would have been, had the circumstances been different. I sincerely hope he stays alive, but I'm having Yuukai-ish flashbacks...
Great chapter, can't wait to find out what happens!
| illusionae 8/16/12 . chapter 21
It's really sad that as soon as Jin started to remember Jack, he just had to get ill as well. It's a pretty coincidence and I wonder if maybe Jack is the reason why Jin is becoming more ill now. I like how even though Jack despises humans now, he still has human feelings back in these chapters, such as when he was hurt that Jin forgot about him. On the subject of Jin, I really love his personality because he's so selfless and kind! He's so innocent and it's painful to read him being this ill. :(
| illusionae 8/15/12 . chapter 20
Yay! Jin is here now! It was really sad to see Jin like that. I know he gets ill in the present time too but I didn't expect him to be that ill when he was a child. But it's still very endearing that even though he's ill, he's still selfless and is as polite and kind as always. I can see why Jack says he's close to perfection. Speaking of Jack I really liked his interaction with Jin in this chapter. I'm so glad they knew each other before because it makes me excited to see how things will be like once these flashbacks end. I do wonder what Jin's reaction will be..? The last line in this chapter was especially sad. Poor Jin. :(
| illusionae 8/14/12 . chapter 19
I haven't read this story in a while! Luckily I still remember the plot. It's nice to see that the family Jack was fostered into treat him kindly (with the exception of Ryou). Although it does make me worry that they must have done something bad eventually because why else would Jack hate all humans then? I am very certain now that this is Jin's family and that we're going to meet Jin as a child soon. I also remember that Jin's family died in a fire and I'm worried that it's all Jack's fault now! I was a bit sad when I read that Ryou was hostile towards Jack. It seems that even though Jack is no longer surrounded by people who try to rape him, he still has to deal with a violent foster brother... :(
| Vivace.Assai 8/13/12 . chapter 24
I was going to try to get to this yesterday, but in my attempts to give you a proper LONG review, I had to put it off (since I was tired by the time I found time to get to this). Hopefully, I can write a long review… I don’t know… I have an extent to length with my reviews.
Ah… I never noticed how much effort you put into making Jack sound different than Jin or Akina in his narration until now. Jack’s narration is filled with complex, rather “stiff” sentences (meaning I would never narrate his events in such a unique manner) – it exudes an air of formality and high intelligence. Meanwhile, Akina’s narration is more succinct and to the point. Even her sentences are simpler. I find that Jack’s narration nicely fits the way he speaks – thus, it gives a better impression that readers are looking into his thoughts. Akina’s narration fits her own style of speaking. Overall, I find this a detail that really adds a degree of complexity and writing control into your story. It shows how much thought and effort you’ve put into the writing. So I really liked this fact!
Jack is one of those characters who I like because he is so complex and intriguing, but who I can’t help but get exasperated with it. His moral views, though grounded in some truth, are slightly skewed. He views human beings as “flawed creatures,” though many humans would also view him as flawed. His arguments can be seen as pointless because he puts himself up on a higher pedestal than humans. But who can really say if he’s better than humans? One of my summer assignments has a quote which says: “There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Perception is everything in defining labels. So Jack’s viewpoints are just based on *his* perception of the world. And it can go both ways. In his anger, he went to extreme actions – murdered a family, killed innocent children and people who never committed a crime EXCEPT for being born human (something they can’t control), ruined a life. And then he justifies his actions. Yes, he has his point. Yes, he suffered too much under humans. Yes, humans suck. But one can just as easily say that he is flawed because of his belief that he is a supreme being. In some ways, he bears similarities to people in history who prosecute other groups because they view themselves as the better, purer race. I mean, remember WWII? What was the reasoning for all of that genocide? Skewed reasoning just like Jack’s.
And I am so, SO sorry for that rant. As you can see, this chapter has gotten me emotional (which is good because it means I’m getting really into the story). I just feel that Jack presents some very interesting points on human weaknesses and also on perception and judgments through his actions and own philosophies. But that’s why he makes quite a good antagonist. Antagonists, who are just evil, are great but too overdone. Antagonists, who cause readers to question the world, are usually the best ones. It just gives more life to the character, such as how Jack is such a complex individual filled with different motives and reasoning. And it also adds more complexity to the story itself. So I like what you’ve done with Jack as a character.
Kana is pointing a gun at Jack’s head. Wow… I’m surprised by this twist in her character. It is kind of idiotic on her part, but it shows why Kana could get so far as she did in the academy. When the moment comes, she isn’t afraid to act. I doubt anybody can defeat Jack by force though; what is more important is to outsmart him. But I quite like that she shows herself as a strong individual, focused on the task at hand. She has her point: she is supposed to arrest Jack so she’s just sticking to her duty. I wonder why she is so aggravated by Jack though. Is it because of how he acts? Of how he hurts Jin? But this was a nice change in the direction. On the other hand, Akina’s lack of reaction, despite her character usually being more focused, shows how much she cares for Jin. She is more concerned about his weakening body than anything else. Now that really emphasizes how much she loves him.
Oh wow… Kana is really strong in this chapter. I’m surprised that she had it in her, though I was waiting for the moment when she would show how awesome she can be. After getting stabbed by Jack and being deep in pain, she is still able to maintain playing the game and focusing on doing well. She even told Jin not to worry. This shows persistence and I’m really happy that there’s one chapter that shows Kana isn’t so worthless… Despite coming from a rich family, she isn’t a weak “princess” after all. I’m starting to really like her.
Wait… I finally warm up to Kana and SHE DIES! WHAT THE –
That is cruel… that is cruel… For the first time in the whole story, Kana displays pure awesomeness and she shows that she isn’t just one of those annoying Jin fangirls. She shows that she has strength and an ability to endure. And then she wins some of my respect. And then you kill her. How tragic. It’s quite sad that when a character finally shows development, they die…
*reads on without stopping because the situation is so intense*
WAIT… WAIT… WAIT… WHAT DID YOU JUST DO TO JIN?! YOU CRUEL, CRUEL WOMAN… YOU… *breaks into sobs halfway through*
- several minutes later… after time was spent to calm down -
I can’t believe that Jin would sacrifice himself in such a way. But it truly shows how Jin is the epitome of “perfection” for human beings. He is not vengeful. He only cares about others. But I find the scene was the perfect moment for Jin to admit that he loves Akina, but that makes it even more tragic. When Jin and Akina finally both realize they love each other, that’s when Jin is close to dying and everything bad happens. That’s just so sad. My heart is aching right now in sadness. This is not cool at all. Even I’m not that cruel to my characters (and I am the type who goes crazy with killing people when the conclusion of a story draws near).
So I loved how hectic everything was once Seiren agents enter. The ambiguous writing gives off a feel of chaos. Like who got shot? Why does Akina keep getting stabbed? What is happening with Jack’s plans? But the writing doesn’t really tell us that – the readers have to guess what happens from the implications of the description. This shows how everything is becoming disordered and so many things are happening at once. You really captured the moment there and then when Akina thinks “I love you, Jin” – oh no… I’m going to start sobbing again…
Overall, I LOVED this chapter. It was really intense and everything just rushed by (I would have read this in a matter of minutes because of how intense it was if I wasn’t constantly taking notes and sobbing to the point that I couldn’t read). I’m excited to see what will happen next chapter, though this should be interesting. I hope that this review shows how much appreciation I have for the effort you put into your chapter.
| seredemia 8/12/12 . chapter 24
Hmm... Where to start... This is such a long chapter and I want to write an equally long review but GAH LET'S SEE HOW THIS GOES.
First things first, it was nice to be back in Akina's point of view! I've been so used to Jack and his long words and complex sentences that it was like a breath of fresh air to be back as Akina. Not that I don't like being in Jack's POV because he was a beautiful and badass child *_* But I've missed Akina (and it's pretty cruel that she just had to die ((or maybe not die YET)) in this chapter). BUT LOL I LIKE HOW JACK IS JUST DRINKING TEA. He just finished confessing to killing Jin's whole family and he's just there, drinking tea. I SWEAR EVERYTHING HE DOES IS BADASS.
It's kinda... evil that Jack would be amused by Jin's obvious distress. But to me, that REALLY shows his hatred for humans. Even though he said that Jin was close to perfection, he still showed pleasure in seeing him suffer. The fact that he doesn't even show one slight of guilt or remorse for killing Jin's family. Not one bit. I don't know whether to question his sanity or just settle for the fact that humans really tick him off but wow... Jack y u so mean. Just be bros with Jin pls. I want bromance. Sob.
Vernelle. I re-read the bit where Jin was asking why Jack did all of it.
And I realised that I read one of Jack's dialogue wrong.
Because he doesn't say "I only cared for you, Jin."
He says "I ONCE cared for you, Jin."
DAMN YOU I AM IN THE LIVING ROOM RIGHT NOW AND MY PARENTS ARE LOOKING AT ME WEIRDLY BECAUSE I MADE A NOISE OF EMOTIONAL PAIN AND NOW I'M CRYING.
PAST TENSE. HE USED TENSE. I ONCE CARED FOR YOU. SOB. SOB. OH. RIGHT THROUGH MY HEART. WHY. WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN. WHY CAN'T EVERYONE GET ALONG. AND AND AND OKAY OKAY I FEEL LIKE QUOTING EVERYTHING AND SHOVING THEM INTO THIS REVIEW TO SHOW YOU WHICH PARTS WERE MY FAVOURITE. BUT JACK'S DIALOGUES ARE FAIRLY LONG SO I WON'T DO THEM ALL.
"Just as I cannot forgive humans for all that they have done to me, I cannot forgive you, Jin. I once believed you were the closest a human could be to perfection, but time has made it clear that I was mistaken. You were the human who led me to believe my existence had any meaning, yet it was with such ease that you discarded all memory of me and with great difficulty and reluctance that you retrieved them."
- THIS. OMG. THIS. I was cheering for Jin at the start because his dialogue before this was pretty badass too and it made sense - but JACK JUST WON IT. This was heartbreaking. The fact that Jin made him feel important despite everything he went through and was abused by, JIN HELPED HIM THROUGH IT. Jin made his existence matter... but then he forgot. Ouch. Right through the feels. I can tell why Jack can't forgive Jin, because he must have felt so betrayed and hurt. And the fact that Jin grew up hating Jack's existence because of his reputation as the Black Jack instead of remembering - OUCH. OUCH. Not cool. When you look at it from Jack's point, it really is pretty bad...
Poor babies :(
BUT when you look at it from Akina's point... She's right that not ALL humans are bad. Jack was just constantly surrounded by the worst type, and it was also because of his good looks that so many people wanted to molest him. In a way, it's not that fair of him to assume that everyone is the same and make innocent people suffer. Jin never actually meant to forget him. It was just his health. And I'm sure that if circumstances were different, Jin would have still been the perfect human that Jack once thought he was. So, it's really hard to see which side is the right one... because both have good reasons and are equally right.
Sobbing. Why must you tear my brain apart.
I have to admit that I didn't expect Jin to have that reaction. I thought he would attack Jack or something (AND YOUR TWEETS MADE IT LOOK LIKE THAT YOU TROLL) and that maybe Jin would get injured in the process... So I was really surprised to see that he thought more about doing the right thing - which is to not stoop himself to that level. But that actually suits his character more. As Jack did say, Jin is a perfect human (save for the amnesia), and you really showed that well here.
But it makes me think. If Jack thinks that Jin is perfect for being selfless and kind and caring... Does that mean that Jack is like that too? I DON'T KNOW I CAN'T PUT IT INTO WORDS. IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN. But maybe if Jin never forgot, Jack would have ended up like him too?
OR. OHH. SHOOT.
I HAVE A THOUGHT.
Like Jin is perfect, right? And Jack likes that about him, which means that he believes that what Jin does is right? So maybe if Jack was never harassed by humans or abused or anything, he would have been perfect like Jin too.
So that just means that it was humans who just ruined the perfect person that Jack could have been.
I don't know if that was mentioned before BUT THAT IS SUCH A GOOD EXAMPLE OF HOW MUCH HUMANS RUIN THINGS. There is such a stark difference between Jack and Jin and it's so weird to think that if it wasn't for idiot humans, then they could have had the same personality. Ugh. Us humans suck.
Can I just say that Jack's beautiful habit of molesting Jin is absolutely perfect.
Sigh. When Kana and Akina tried to talk to Jack about his "problems". I was screaming NO NO NO because that is a serious NO NO when someone reveals that much about themselves. Idk why but I hate it when people try to reason with me about my problems, etc. Jack is right that they are talking about something that they don't understand. However, I like how Kana and Akina are imperfect. Akina is the main character and although she's mainly serious, it's nice to see that she's flawed. (Not everyone can be as perfect as Jin). Again, it kinda makes you think who's really the right one here.
Kana was very cool when she was pointing that gun at Jack. Even though I was mentally shrieking because THAT IS BASICALLY SUICIDE. GURL YOU DO NOT POINT A GUN AT JACK AND LIVE TO SEE TOMORROW. DON'T DO THAT. But she was cool. I liked her in that part. I liked how it was her who managed to take control of the situation and remind them what they came here for.
LOL JACK. "Shall we play a game?" *seconds later* "IF YOU DON'T PLAY WITH ME, I'LL KILL YOU ALL." talk about being forceful...
[Jack's laughter rang through the air as he suddenly vanished from beside the drawers and reappeared with one arm around Jin's neck in a stranglehold and the Karcharias Dagger in his other hand.]
- Have to admit that the mental image of Jack evil laughing is very hot though.
OKAY WHEN JIN STARTED TO SCREAM IN PAIN, I WAS SCREAMING TOO. Because idk why, but it seems like Jack still kind of cares... I don't know why I think this or maybe it's just me hoping that he still does BUT I SWEAR HE CARED.
[There was an unreadable look on his face for a moment; it wasn't quite sympathy, but it wasn't his usual careless expression either. For a moment, I felt a kind of gratitude toward him.]
- SEE? JACK CAN BE NICE. ugh. he's such a good character. but seriously. idk whether to hug him or just smash his head with a table for stabbing jin later... e_e
THE KISS BETWEEN JACK AND JIN AND WHEN HE LICKED HIS LIPS AFTER. ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME TOO WOMAN? BECAUSE. GAH. AND AKINA WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AWAY WHY AREN'T YOU HAVING A NOSEBLEED OR FANGIRLING OR SOMETHING. I WOULD BE.
[He stroked my hair gently. "I was afraid of dying too. I'm glad I can be here with you and Kana-san for now." His voice dropped to a murmur. "Because I'm not sure about that consequence Jack has planned for that game, and I don't know if I'd be able to handle it. I'm… too weak."
"Do hurry," called Jack's voice, though it sounded more bored than impatient.]
- this bit had me laughing. JACK. HAHA. CRYING. I love him. gah.
I am rubbish with understanding card games... so I commend you for being able to write those rules BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW. but i think i get the gist of it... all i know is that if they draw the wrong card... they get stabbed? I THINK? but the stabbing part...
I hope you know that I was literally wincing whilst reading this. I like to write gory scenes BUT THIS. WAS. PAINFUL. TO. READ.
I'm reading Jin being stabbed again.
I'M CRYING AGAIN. HOW COULD YOU WRITE THIS SCENE. EVEN I'M NOT THAT MEAN TO MY CHARACTERS-
OKAY MAYBE I DID KILL EIDAN AND JENNA BUT STILL.
BUT SERIOUSLY. I AM DISTRAUGHT AND JDBSJKF I CANT FUNCTION.
But just. ugh. seriously. that was beyond painful. no words to express how upsetting that scene was. Jin :( why. WHY. WHY WOULD YOU. KSFJSKGD I WILL GET MY REVENGE DAMN IT.
i am sad now.
he just had to confess at that time too. Sob. Out of all the times... Sob. Why. I cant even write decent sentences now. Sob.
There were gunshots at the end... So I'm guessing Jack could have gotten shot and he might have died..? I doubt it. I'm guessing Jack is the only one that lives tbh. AND MAYBE AKINA AND JIN AND CAN MAKE BABIES IN THE AFTERLIFE INSTEAD. *wishful thinking* But yeah... I can't see Jack dying... But I would like it if Jin and Akina did live because it would be nice... BUT I DOUBT YOU'RE THAT KIND.
GOOD CHAPTER. LIKE SERIOUSLY. IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT. And tbh, it didn't feel like over ten thousand words because everything happened to fast and it was such an exciting chapter. BUT I'M STILL GOING TO KILL YOU FOR HURTING JIN _
| Account-Discontinued 7/21/12 . chapter 23
Hey there Vernelley!
I've been following this story for the last few weeks. I do believe Jack's reaction had been a tad too extreme. It has been hard on him, I agree, but killing Ryu... I don't think it actually solves anything, even if the man did want Jack somehow out of his and Jin's life.
Is Jin's POV somewhere in the present while listening to Jack by the way? Since it is Jack narrating experiences.
Those are my few thoughts :)
(Is it weird I had the idea Jack was behind everything that happened to Jin? 8D)
And sorry that I barely update Nobody Knows D: It's in my facebook but I don't post it up here as much. I'm renaming it to Rain by the way, I might release it again but on another account (my yahoo is filled with many mail from too many sources 8D)
| Vivace.Assai 7/18/12 . chapter 23
Okay, finally got to this story in my alert list. By the way, I’m on a time crunch so this review will be shorter than I would like it to be.
The switch with Jin doing a POV was quite surprising to me, and for a moment, I thought they had returned to the present. But I guess you couldn’t do the whole chapter in Jack’s POV because Jin has to be there to explain how his town burned down and why he was gone from the town when Jack burned everything down. But anyways…
I’m kind of surprised with what Jack did. I had expected the fire would have been something that Jack didn’t want to happen or that he was forced to do but I didn’t expect the fire would be after he murdered Jin’s family… I guess I do understand that Jack has a lot of anger boiling within him and Ryou’s final statement just made Jack crack and go crazy… And I understand he would murder the parents so there aren’t any more witnesses and because he’s kind of going psycho at this point in time. But I just feel that the anger came a bit too sudden. Really… I thought he was just going upstairs to talk to Ryou and then he pulls out a knife on the guy. I was looking like this: O.O while I read that whole scene. I feel that if you built up his anger and showed it gradually growing while he marched up to talk with Ryou, it would make things feel more believable.
Oh but while we’re on the topic, in answer to your question, I still do kind of feel it is a bit extreme. It’s understandable but rather extreme, especially since he proceeds to burn the whole town down… But as we’ve seen, Jack seems to be a rather extreme character with everything he does; he does things with flair and he goes all out. So it’s fitting of his character to go berserk and murder everybody. Furthermore, it reminds readers that though Jack is sympathetic, he is a cold-blooded murderer. So we can pity him but we always remember that he is capable of pain and destruction.
I like the turn in the plot though. Jack has now decided to watch over Jin and judge how strong he is. Meanwhile, Jack wants to reclaim all his possessions to gain the power he feels is bestowed to him. Jack is acting very consistent to his character; everything he does revolves around the fact that he finds humans are vile and that he feels he deserves to win back what is rightly his – what humans have taken from him. Due to that consistency, Jack is a character who acts with motives and this makes him more relatable.
As for Jin, I find him to be very cute in this chapter and endearing. Jin continues to be the poor and weak child. I liked how he wanted to go to the beach despite his health. Thinking about it, I find all children are like this. When they’re sick, they remain still. But as soon as they feel healthier again, they want to go out and do things. So Jin is acting quite on par with a child’s mental state. Furthermore, I find it curious that Jin begins coughing up blood again. So maybe he got healed but then the stress of seeing his house burned made him get a relapse?
Overall, great chapter. Really enjoyed it. I’m interested to read the next update and see how everybody reacts to this story. Jin will probably be furious… :)
| DutchAver 7/18/12 . chapter 23
The POV-change to Jin doesn't make a lot of sense, IMHO. I understand that it helps us feel for him, but isn't Jack telling this whole story to Jin? So why suddenly the change in POV?
This chapter was what Tropers call a Wham-episode. Wow, you indeed crammed a lot in it, but it tells us how Jack turned evil O.o I think you could spend more time on his turning point, though.
He killed Ryou, and even though Ryou's a bastard, I sympathized with him there - the moment Jack, such a super-human being, killed Ryou, me thinks he stooped lower than most humans would ever do in their life, and his species should be ashamed of him. No matter what reason he may have - he wants to regain the artifacts, but he chose to kill Ryou and his parents for it... he killed Ryou because he didn't like him, and his parents because they didn't spend enough time with him. Even though they were the ones who got him out of that hell with that paedophile. And also, having such an ill kid forced the parents to spend time with him, and that simply led to them neglecting Jack a bit. Still, they were a loving family, and I hate Jack for breaking them up.
Still, this is the end of your flashbacks right? I can't wait to read about Jin's reaction to hearing the whole story. Keep writing!
((P.S. I'm logged in this time - I double-checked ;) ))