This poem is the kind of thing I've been needing to find for a long time. Thank you.

The formatting here is effective. I think I've said this in every review, but you display emotion so well.

Again there is the subtle element of control here. In my opinion, this is more beautiful than the first. The emotion seems more exposed here, and it is wonderful.

You paint a very good image of taking control.

A great beginning, for a pillowbook especially.