|Reviews for Not By Blood|
| OLIVIA 5/23/13 . chapter 23
MORE! TIS GOOD!
| LivesToRead 5/14/13 . chapter 20
| xXLonelyBeeXx 5/10/13 . chapter 23
| whatthegreencarrot 5/8/13 . chapter 14
And I'm back... I'm a horrible person, I know, and my excuse is something of a mediocre one. You probably don't even remember me, gosh. Well, school's been hectic, so I apologize for neglecting this story for so long. My bad, I know. Here's a late review, though.
[I laughed at that too, an image of Bryce doing the robot on top of a kitchen table, coming to mind.] You don't need the comma before "coming," because it's really not necessary and it just doesn't work.
["Well there's going to be a bunch of people from the school there, I mean mom and Jason let Lucas and I invite as many people as we want.] I'm going to rewrite this sentence, since I found more than two in here. It'll be below; here goes.
"Well, there are (could be "there're") going to be a bunch of people from the school there. I mean, Mom and Jason let Lucas and I invite as many people as we wanted."
Usually, after beginning a sentence with "well," you drop a comma after it. You also wrote "there's" instead of "there are," which I've seen a lot of people make mistakes on. If you took that word apart, then it'd be "there is," and "Well, there is going to be" wouldn't be a grammatically correct sentence.
Again, I'm horrible... I don't review for, like, more than a month, and when I do, I subject you to one of my endless rants on grammar and punctuation. Sorry :3
["Well we're not still planning each other's funerals, if that's what you mean." I deadpanned.] No, no, no, no, no. (Heh, that sounded like Bohemian Rhapsody.) You put a period at the end of your dialogue, and then you wrote "I deadpanned." No. No. No. It has to be a comma. For example, you can't write ["No." He said.] It HAS to be ["No," he said.] You're not technically ending a sentence with your dialogue, because you still have to include the "he said" or "she said." The dialogue plus the "he/she said" is one sentence.
Please, please fix it. I really like this story, but if there's one thing that puts me off writing, it's the dialogue misconception. I've seen so many good authors make that mistake, and I always want to rip my hair out. Save my hair the abuse, please.
I know this seems super critical, but I'm trying to help. Sorry, dude, it's kind of how I talk; tell me if I'm out of line. Anyway, moving on.
["You sound rather excited, what happened to the I-hate-everything-related-to-my-mom's-impending-do om-of-a-wedding Astrid?"] It shouldn't be a comma after "excited," it should be a semicolon [;]. When you're combining a normal sentence to a question, you don't use commas to connect them, you use semicolons.
["Well I better go so you can go eat, I wouldn't want to deprive you of food – I know how violent you get." Felicity explained and I laughed.] Comma after "well." Semicolon instead of a comma after "eat"—I'm actually not entirely sure how to explain all this semicolon business, but semicolons connect sentences without the need of a conjunction. Commas usually connect full-on sentences with conjunctions.
Oh. Looks like I figured out how to explain it. But yeah, if you wanna combine two sentences, either use a conjunction (and, so, but, since, etc.) with a comma, or use a semicolon. I'm turning this into a lecture, I know, so I'll shut my trap now.
Escargot? OH, GOD. LOL, I'm just laughing my ass off at this point, because I know it's snails (I watch KevJumba on YouTube; the benefits of spending my life on the Internet). Oh, dear, not this. I can only imagine what'll happen when they find out what they're actually consuming.
Aww, Astrid's all grown up now. She's at the makeup-wearing stage :o Even though, you know, I know quite a few seventeen year-olds that wear makeup and are immature at the same time. And that comment kind of ruined the moment, which happened to be the moment that I created (well, not really—you wrote it, so I guess you kind of created it, but I was the one who actually wrote about Astrid growing up...details).
Ah, I really liked your ending. Thanks for the read :3
| Nalledia 5/6/13 . chapter 23
Lolz!X3 Sounds like one helluvah party they had going there! I wonder what Lucas isn't telling her… should be good. And I'm SO happy to get another chapter of this!:D:D I missed it so much!
| Guest 5/5/13 . chapter 23
So I just realized that Demi Lovato's "Heart Attack" can probably fit Astrid somehow haha I don't know if you'd agree with me but I just thought of it while I was eating breakfast and the song was on my head. I don't know why I even thought of that all of the sudden. I'm weird like that. Just wanted to share with you this moment of weirdness I had this morning. Anyway, hope you update soon! I'm really looking forward for more.
| Guest 5/3/13 . chapter 23
Just started reading a few days ago and I loved it! Hope you update soon!
| wasauskyx 5/2/13 . chapter 23
its fine! i loved this nonetheless even if it WAS short. update soon an i really liked the reference to transformers.
| DrunkOnImagination 5/1/13 . chapter 23
It didn't suck! It was awesome, especially the ending. And I love procrastinating too, I mean; I'm procrastinating right now. SO IT'S YOUR FAULT IF I DON'T DO WELL ON MY SCIENCE TEST! (Not really.) I can't do work. It's something I cannot do for my life.
| Up With the Birds 5/1/13 . chapter 23
You do suck, but this chapter was fabulous as always, so I forgive you. :-) You actually liked Americaland? Wow. I went to London over spring break and LOVED it; there may be a possible move after college. Anyway, thanks for FINALLY updating, it was awesome. :-D
| marginal-utility 5/1/13 . chapter 23
Its not incest to fall for your own character. Every writer has one of two connections with their main characters; s/he identifies with a character, or is in love with them.
| Guest 4/30/13 . chapter 23
Loved it update soon
| Ravan Rose 4/30/13 . chapter 23
OMGGGGGGGGG! This is the best storyyyyy everrrrrrr...i loved it, i loved it, i love it. It was AMAZING, SWEET, FANTASTIC, ADORABLE, FUNNY, no it was HILARIOUS, and the chemistry between Lucas and Astrid- OH MAH LAWD JEZUZBUHJEZUS! I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERRRRR! SO, please, please, please. HURRY UP.
Your most biggest fan :)
P.S I ADMIRE YOUR BRAIN. hehehehehe
| courtnestle 4/30/13 . chapter 23
i really like Astrid as a character. she has really grown as a character and you have grown as a writer. good job!
| blakbird0019 4/30/13 . chapter 23
Hey, don't feel bad. All I care about is that you updated. It's nice to see that you still live :P OH, and sorry that this is my first time reviewing. I've been following this story for a while. I'm just kinda lazy when it comes to actually reviewing, but I'm trying to make it a point to review at least once on each of the stories I'm following now. I know how bad it feels to not have people review and I just recently had a (kind-of) epiphany, I guess you'd call it. I realized that I'm one of those jerk-faces who doesn't review haha. I get mad at all these other people and here I am, one of THEM (duh duh duuuuhhhhh). Sooo anywho, I'm trying to make up for it by doing an overall-review here. I think that this story is pretty amazing. I was pretty much hooked from the get-go. As soon as I began reading it months ago, I just couldn't stop reading until I was caught all the way up to where you'd stopped. The chemistry between Astrid and Lucas is great. They get along so well and have these feelings for each other that makes me feel so happy inside haha. Ummm... and I like how funny everything in here is. It's always nice to read something labeled "Humor" that is actually funny. I love how Astrid is so childish sometimes and is totally aware of it but doesn't care. It's great how she doesn't worry about what other people think about her and just goes on doing her own thing. I just love her character. Keep up the good work :) And sorry again that some of this is probably old news for you. I should've said this stuff sooner, but hey, better late than never :)