|Reviews for 3RD World book 1|
| Lynn K. Hollander 8/11/12 . chapter 1
Well, this chapter needs editing too.
There are problems with dialogue punctuation, capitalization, omitted apostrophes, run on sentences, homophone confusion and inconsistent spelling.
And there are some sense problems:
'It was a quarter to dawn.' **A quarter what? What time measurement is meant here? A quarter of a day? An hour? or what?
'... the land was barren and devoid of life.' **So what animals are around to be driven off by the burning carriage?
| J.Renea 3/2/12 . chapter 4
I've gotten this far as of right now. I like the storyline and how its shaping up, pretty interesting. There are still some of the mistakes that I pointed out before, but I can see the plot starting to take shape around Victor, at least I hope he's the actual main character. I like the twist of him being a demigod, but I think him coming to that conclusion along with the fact that he's the one making the portals could've been explained a bit more. By that I mean actually showing the reader the process he went through to decide that for himself. Otherwise nice stuff, I will keep reading to see what happens next.
| J.Renea 2/29/12 . chapter 1
I think you have an interesting story beginning here. I will certainly read on to the other chapters because I'm interested. I will say though, you have a few line break errors, where a sentence is cut off in the middle of it and continues on the next line. I'd suggest fixing that because it makes it a little dificult to read. Also you have some spelling errors like randevu, or however you spelled it, it's rendezvous. Also the way you ended this chapter did make it seem as if the flying creature was the main character, maybe ending it just at him saying the resistance was behind the attack would've alluded to it being a good vs evil thing.