This was cute, and I really enjoyed it. The one thing I was a bit iffy about has the be the length. In my opinion, I think you should have broken the story up into individual chapters because it's pretty long for one chapter, butthat's just me. I'm iffy with long chapters, lol.

Anyways great job :)

Good job... Too tired to say much more... but good job. Only thing to be desired would be some fixing of the formatting. But that's a small matter... Thanks for writing. :)

KG64 and Kiyoshi