|Reviews for The Good Blood|
| MeMeLizz 10/30/11 . chapter 14
It moves waaay to quickly... And no offense, but it sounds like it was written by a 10 year old.
| C.M.Ortega 9/21/11 . chapter 13
How does she know where he lives? Also, it'd be cool if you gave the hunter and vampire a history, like he's chased the vampire before and kept missing him. Watch out for the strength. There are times when you say he's weak then suddenly he's just batting the hunter away. I dunno, if I was the hunter, I wouldn't have stopped for her to ask about love...
| C.M.Ortega 9/21/11 . chapter 11
That was fast, dating to needing space. Maybe you could have her friends pester her about how maybe dating him wouldn't be a good idea, and she goes with them?
| C.M.Ortega 9/21/11 . chapter 9
Please go into detail about her fall. You said she stumbled then suddenly she's bleeding. You could go into more depth about his thoughts and maybe her assuring him she's alright. Stuff like that. You skimmed over it, it seems like an important part of the plot, dive in.
| C.M.Ortega 9/21/11 . chapter 8
How long has he been hanging with her to suddenly go from new guy to invited to chill with her friends? Did she tell them about saving her? Maybe you could throw in some commentary about that?
| C.M.Ortega 9/21/11 . chapter 7
Whoa! The party came from outta nowhere. Perhaps if you have her invite him, it wouldn't just jump out at ya. Also, now he suddenly likes Jess. Maybe have some enternal dialogue, like him thinking why he likes her and what caused it.
I'm not trying to be a downer with my reviews, I swear. I understand how hard it is to write and see holes when you are so close to the story, so you can take or chuck my advice.
You could definitely go into a little more detail about the party like what kind of music is playing, does he recognize anyone there, how affected is he that he hasn't fed and is surrounded by humans, etc...
That's all for now, read on!
| C.M.Ortega 9/20/11 . chapter 3
Critique: I think the story would flow better if you added detail. Like you just say a "high school", what does it look like? Did his highschool look similar when he attended? Etc. Walk me through it, trust me, the flow will be much better. Also, poor janitor!
| monkeyface1 9/13/11 . chapter 5
dam, she cant feel the needle! it hurts!
| monkeyface1 9/13/11 . chapter 4
he's kinda rushy and eric is a really nice name. :)
| monkeyface1 9/13/11 . chapter 1
this story is good but its gonna give me nightmares. No more parties!
| C.M.Ortega 9/11/11 . chapter 1
This is merely my critique, you can take it or completely discard it, I will not take offense :). There were a few things I think you can expand upon to make your chapter better. First, I don't know if the person talking it male or female, so maybe you could go into a bit of history. Second, he/she talks about having a "love like that" when seeing the couple, perhaps a small flash back is a good idea. Third, if he/she is a vampire, why are they using knives? I'm sure their strength can be used for something. Fourth, why is he/she killing everyone anyway? Does he/she care about leaving a trail of bodies? Is he/she angry? Explain his/her thought process a little. And finally, review and edit again please. The sentences were a bit choppy, easily fixed by not starting every sentence with "I". Sorry for the long winded critique! I think this has potential. I shall read on.