|Reviews for The Tournament of Blood|
| Cole Culain 9/17/11 . chapter 2
This is a review for the Depth Review Game.
Well, I read both the prologue and the first chapter, but I'm only reviewing the first chapter, since it had a little more substance (and you did not specify). Though, on a side note, I did like the prologue, and I thought it's journal format was very interesting.
Well, the first thing I need to mention here is that the entire chapter is info-dumping, and it is composed of several giant walls of text. This just makes it hard to read, and a little intimidating. There are probably points at which you could make a line break, just to make things a little easier on the reader.
I will admit, I do think the concept of this world is very interesting. The Vampires as vassals and servants seems pretty cool, and original, because mostly we are shown vampires (classical vampires like Dracula, anyway) as immensely powerful beings who can do whatever they choose, so long as it fits within the bounds of their supernatural guidelines.
I also did not like how we know next to nothing about Tristan, despite him being the narrator, and even worse, that I don't think this ambiguity was intentional. At some points, he seems like a younger kid, however, the books he reads seem to tell another story, as do his skills at picking locks. Honestly, we know nothing about him aside from the fact that his father is the head of a household (one that appears to be rich).
Now, what's good is you have developed a culture for this world already, and a social hierarchy. The vampires seem very powerful, but it also seems like it is their nature to be enslaved. I can see a lot of potential in this world.