This a good story the only problem is that it's a little strange that just after you finish reading an action for -let say- person A and move to the next one, you reread the same action but from the view of the person B.

Ex: He bit onto Chaos's arm, and using the momentum he forced Chaos to pull out of Tsuko.
The next action: Havic shifted back to his human form and stood protectively in front of Tsuko.
The first action: Tsuko screamed in pain again as chaos was forced to pull out.

You can say: he bit onto Chaos's arm... well he was forced to pull out, Tsuko screamed in pain then Havic...

I'm not that good in English and I wish I didn't insult you or whatever-different cultures- it's only what I think, other than that I like the story.

Sequel?

Oh please tell me there will be more

Nice start to the story. I am kind of curious where this is going to go.

Alex dark

I really like the story so far! Update soon!

Raven

Honestly I was really looking forward to reading your story, but it is so disjointed that I cannot followed and that makes it so hard to read, I couldn't even get past the first chapter, all I can do is wish you luck- let me know if you ever do a rewrite

I enjoyed this but WTF! Whats with sex while the little girl is there!

Okay. I liked this chapter.

I am enjoying this story a lot but I was wondering. Why is Kizu the bad guy? Isn't she your bleach oc?

3

I love the story but the rape was evil! Hot but evil!

I am amazed at how good this is! I love the plot and how descriptive you are with everything

The story is really great so far. There were lots of grammar mistakes but that's natural. I wish though that you could've maybe took some time to describe the scenery of the setting where everything is taking place and describe the characters a little more but overall great job. Can't wait to read more.

I like the imagery you give, particularly in the fights and just in general situations. Other than spelling, grammar, or punctuation, I'd say you're doing a fine job. I'll be looking forward to reading what else you may write!